Very Vivid Daydreams, Memories And Experiences Of Films Etc

[heyheyhey]

Hi Everyone,

When I'm falling asleep; before I had PTSD, I used to get like kind of like 'dream' like images wonder into my mind when I was falling asleep/half asleep; if that makes sense, so like unregulated fragments. Since developing PTSD, and general exhaustion, when I try and sleep - it feels very intense sometimes. Like I'll have very vivid daydreams, or mental images when I'm half asleep, and they will feel really real. When I jerk myself awake and get myself up I know they are not, but when I'm half asleep - they feel very intense and real. Like I had an image someone was walking into a bathroom and got very frightened.... I'm not sure if I was half asleep, but it just felt very intense.

My mind just feels hyper intense and alert all the time - and everything feels more real; when I have a regular daydream, it can feel really real, like I'm almost there, even though I know I am not and films feel a lot more intense, like I am experiencing them so much more. I can kind of lose myself in things way, way more - like daydreams, films, half-dream like images and states - everything feels way more intense. I'm aware that it isn't but it just feels scary like how intense everything feels. I guess I'm like hyper alert and exhausted and moody swingy... when I'm relaxed, I'm mostly much more normally detached.

Is this a PTSD thing? It makes me start to worry I am going crazy. I have panic disorder as well, and a lot of it is related to panicking that I am losing my mind, so I really zone in on things and watch out for clues of that... The more alert, relaxed (and not overstimulated) and well-rested I am, the better this is. But it just makes sleeping hard; it normally comes on when I am in overdrive or exhausted. But just everything feels overwhelming and so vivid, I just want my normal mind back :(. Does anyone else get this or am I cocoloco haha :)?

 

[Friday]

That's where hallucinations from sleep deprivation come from... Your brain dreaming while still awake & incorporating parts of the real world & dream world together. Essentially the opposite of what happens when your alarm clock goes off, or you need to pee, and those hints are incorporated into your dreams. ((As opposed to, say, hallucinogenic drug hallucinations which are more usually a byproduct of unfiltering your vision (so you see movement tracers, etc. that technically you always "see" but your brain usually filters/scrubs so what you actually see is smooth movement), hearing, etc., in addition to creating waking dreams, and then blending the two.))

The space in between waking and sleeping? Is really well known for blending dreams and reality. Sleep paralysis is also really common during this period (feeling weightless when falling asleep, or feeling trapped/confined when waking are 2 of the most common descriptors... But the sluggishness, or being unable to grip something even when able to stand up and walk around are also facets of sleep paralysis). Sleep paralysis is a good thing, it's what prevents us from acting out our dreams... And running face first into a wall in real life, when in our dreams we're running across a wide open field. But it can be a little freaky to wake up before it wears off, or be half asleep & dreaming & weightless/paralyzed, but still awake enough to be aware of the outside real world.

 

[heyheyhey]

Thanks so much for your wisdom @Friday! You are all so knowledgeable here, this place is such a sanctuary :). Yeah, I do remember having these before PTSD, and knew in the past it was just me falling asleep; but with the PTSD and the panic disorder (and fears of 'losing my mind', so to speak) - I just start reacting to them, firstly, hyper-vigilantly like they could be real and dangerous, and secondly, like "oh my gosh?! Do I believe this stuff? Is this a break from reality? Am I losing it?". And then I get scared...Is this quite a normal thing? Is it normally anxiety/or sleep deprivation? I don't feel like I am sleep deprived by normal standards, but I do feel very exhausted a lot of the time and like I need more sleep since the PTSD has come about... they just make me scared to go to sleep sometimes!

 

[Silver.]

It sounds like lucid dreaming to me (which you can control with practice). it's my most favorite part of falling asleep (unless I am overly tired, like you are describing, and then it is harder for me to control). Meditation before bed helps with that a bit, definitely settles the mind to ready for sleep.

as for what @Friday said about sleep paralysis being good. Yikes Friday, I can see where it would seem good for not sleepwalking (although I am a sleepwalker), but to me, nothing is worse than telling yourself to move, and not being able to. Trapped in your own body is the feeling I get when I have that. It's wretched and I would akin it to comatose patients that know what is going on but cannot tell others, btw, I like the name change Friday, simplistic and nice :)

 

[heyheyhey]

Thanks @Silver! I also love meditating; I think it's helping me to focus on welcoming what is going on in my mind, rather than being so shit scared of it and feeling like a victim; I need to keep telling myself that I'm strong and in control and that I am not a victim of it. I agree with you that sleep paralysis can be really scary- especially after a bad dream!

 

[Ronin]

Secondly, like "oh my gosh?! Do I believe this stuff? Is this a break from reality? Am I losing it?".

Well, you can disconnect all of these, as to not cause further anxiety?

Such as sensation =/ break from reality, and a break from reality does not mean losing it, and losing it does not mean your life will fall apart or be lost altogether, and if it IS lost, it can be mendable because hey, that's what happens with cyclical things as life, they mess up and get fixed again.

Something like that, instead of letting your anxiety mess you up more, make stop signs.