Ptsd Daughter Can't Deal With Dad's New Girlfriend

[thenerd0584]

I am at the point where after rebuilding our relationship, he's failing to show value in it again. He's done some things in the past week that has made me really question whether or not I want to keep him in my life. Like telling me she's spending the week and doing it while I am at work via text (I broke into tears at my desk in shear anger). Then there is telling me I was excluded from a family event in FAVOR of his girlfriend (he's using the excuse "well you had a night class and you got a b so it was a good thing I didn't tell you. Besides ___ was happy to meet everyone"). I am applying to schools now and a part of me hopes I get into the school outside of the area. I love my boyfriend but I think I am done with my family and need to be away from their sphere.

I am beginning to understand why this woman's stepkids hated her. When someone says, "I know I am hurting you, but too bad get used to it."; there is something just bad about that person.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

When someone says, "I know I am hurting you, but too bad get used to it."; there is something just bad about that person.

I agree.

 

[Powder]

I agree with @gizmo, too. Very much so.

My mom, who I went "do not contact me under any circumstances" has narcissism. She is so fake and has learned the art of being fake nice to get her way for so long that there is literally nothing that gets through her mask.

She continues to send Facebook messages on major birthdays, holidays, and such. I think mostly to feel like she has the last word and be vengeful and to save face like a good narc ("Oh, but I TRY so hard with this asshole daughter!!) to be the good guy in everyone's eyes. She has to keep on gaslighting. It's all she knows.

It makes me angry, but that won't change anything either.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Question.... Can you block or unfriend her from Face Book? Or are there mitigating circumstances that prevent you from doing so? I am so sorry that you are dealing with this problem.

 

[thenerd0584]

So dad and the girlfriend cornered me last night. They told me I was being dramatic about not feeling safe in the house and I need to get over it because she will be spending more time there now. I told her to stay out of this, this isn't her place or her fight to get involved but she stayed in the room and got in my face. She kept saying that this is "her fight too". My dad even went so far as to say "your issue is with your dead mom, maybe your therapist is failing you by not having you deal with your issues with her." I felt trapped in the two on one and I lashed out verbally, screamed at them I couldn't calm myself down

His girlfriend told me to "cut the drama and accept the situation that this isn't you house, its your dads." I was told if I didn't like situation that I should just leave, so I did. I threw as much stuff as I could in a bag and went to my boyfriend's. As I was packing my dad with her behind him, kept saying "No one is forcing you to leave. You are making this choice." I reminded my dad that he has a responsibility to allow me to feel safe in the place where I am living and right now I don't feel safe. She told me my feelings were bullshit and I had no reason to feel that way.

I feel like my dad knew the buttons he wanted to push and wanted me to put on that show. He got what he wanted, he got to show his girlfriend how unstable his daughter is. I haven't had an breakdown like that in years. I didn't know where I was, just that I needed to fight. I feel like I failed in my recovery that I couldn't keep it together.

 

[Gadgie]

Quote....."My dad even went so far as to say"your issue is with your dead mom, maybe your therapist is failing you by not having you deal with your issues with her."

That was not a nice thing to say to you, it sounds like your Dad has placed his new partner to number one, and hasn't made the effort to try and understand your reason for reacting?

I lost both my daughters when I met my late wife, but we both made every effort to include them in our lives, but they were just not interested, and lacked the bad man for leaving their mother.

Believe me, I really did try, I called, sent letters, left massages, but there was no way they were ever going to forgive me for what I did. Now I'm a widower, and have no one, I don't want to go into the reasons why my late wife's family cut me off, as you probably wouldn't believe it.

But, try and have a talk with your Dad, just the two of you, and explain your feelings towards the situation, if he is any kind if father, he should listen to you, good luck.

 

[thenerd0584]

he thinks this woman walks on water. From what happened, I feel like she cemented my intial thoughts on her. She appreciates and uses the triagulation tactic that my dad likes to employ. I feel that she hasn't made him a better person, just a ignorant peacekeeper.

He's made his choice. In all honesty, I should have walked away from him a very long time ago. But I am stupid and hoped after my mom died he would stop playing the games he thought he needed to play to survive being with her.

Will I suffer in the short-term, yes. But I will be the best goddamn Occupational therapist in the long run. I won't be terrorized and traumatized when he tries make himself feel better. I'll be loved and learn that I can make my own safe place.

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I know exactly what you mean about knowing exactly what buttons to push. he obviously did and he's a total arse hole for doing that.

I don't think you did anything wrong you reacted how you should've. You stood up for yourself and put your needs first you took care of yourself. That's a really hard thing to do especially considering the background.

But now you're gone and they have no one to bully do you think people like that just stop being arseholes? Nope they're probably going to make each other's lives a misery. You know what they're welcome to there miserable lives. You'll be fine in fact you'll probably be a lot better and more able to heal without that shit in your life.

I'm just so sorry they treated you that way and that you've suffered by their hand.

:hug: If you accept them.

 

[Gadgie]

I'm just so sorry they treated you that way and that you've suffered by their hand.

Aye! but I think thenerd0854 is going to come out of this even stronger, going by what I read in their post, showing a good positive attitude!

 

[thenerd0584]

thanks. Right now, I am just trying to put one foot in front of the other. I was able to get my dog from my dad's yesterday and bring her to my boyfriends. I don't know how long I'll be able to keep her with me but she is a comfort to me right now. When I went to get her, my dad asked if I was staying and I said "no, grabbing more clothes and arya." He said "Good, go away then." I know he was trying to bait me but I just walked away.

I am working on trying to control the racing thoughts. Its almost like I can hear the conversations that are happening around this. Dad and the girlfriend patting each other on the back etc. As long as I am busy, I am ok. its when it gets quiet that I start crying and feel like I am losing control.

 

[Gadgie]

As long as I am busy, I am ok. its when it gets quiet that I start crying and feel like I am losing control.

Aye! that's exactly you I feel, when I've got something on my mind, or have a bad day, I keep myself busy and by doing that I keep my mind and body occupied, it's always worked for me.

Mind you, that doesn't work on the days when my back is bad, then I can't do anything at all, as I'm not able to move?