Relationship Advice On A Runner

[Geez]

Please provide some advice. I was with a girl for 2 stable years (some depression) but the last 6 months have been stressful and she has tried to break up 4 times. The first 2 were for 1-3 days, the 3rd more stubborn and now I have been cast out again. She said she needed "space" to do things for herself and I think a lot of change is in the air and she can't handle the relationship also.

Some symptoms I note are sleep problems- sleeping a lot and times of anxiety with little sleep and now often sleeps with headphones in and a film or other distraction on. Often doesn't seem to want to leave the house. We weren't even living together but I do see a fear of abandonment kick up.

After pulling away for a couple weeks, I asked her to talk and she just wanted to argue without much adult reasoning or empathy. She left and it went downhill over a comment I made later. It's now been 3-4 weeks and any attempt at contact has been met with hostility and real anger saying "she's done" (again). I'm just giving her the space she asked for initially now.

So my question: Does this all seem Ptsd behaviour only? She was in a rel for 7 years before me and I think he maybe abused her emotionally. How can I approach her as supportive if she won't trust and would probably get angry if I mentioned ptsd?

Thanks

 

[Justmehere]

If the way she is acting is "just" PTSD, respect her limits and boundaries and do not contact her unless she says it is ok to do so.

If the way she is acting is due to many factors including non-PTSD reasons, then respect her limits and boundaries and do not contact her unless she says it's is ok to do so.

Pushing past her boundaries talk about your suspicions she is running from you due to the major mental health condition of PTSD and not things you have said and done is going to massively backfire for all parties.

As far as diagnosing your current or ex-girlfriend with PTSD as a factor in the breakup, leave that up to the professionals. The behavior you describe could be due to many factors, and may or may not be a sign of a major mental health condition, and may or may not be PTSD related.

If she's already done and this angry and distrustful of you, she's not likely to be open to a you-are-only-leaving-me-because-you-have-PTSD conversation.

If she has PTSD, and her actions are related in part to that, it's likely others notice too. She is more likely to be open and receptive to their input than a former boyfriend she distrusts and is "done" with.

She's been showing you very clearly she can not do a long term stable relationship with you.

She's clear that she is done. Period.

If she repeats the pattern of the past and returns to try to restablish the relationship with you, then it might be time to have the conversation about suggesting she seek out counseling. For both your sake and hers, I would not jump back into a dating relationship with her if she returns until she has had some counseling. Otherwise she will most likely leave again and you will be hurt and chase her again and she will be frustrated and distrustful again and around and around you both will go...

So break the cycle. Be someone who respects her limits. Give her space. Let her go and if and only if she tries to reestablish communication, then suggest therapy in a non-pathologizing manner.

 

[Riot]

Well put, @Justmehere.

 

[shimmerz]

How can I approach her as supportive if she won't trust and would probably get angry if I mentioned ptsd?

Sorry, just to clarify, has she been diagnosed with PTSD or are you just thinking she may have it.

 

[Geez]

If the way she is acting is "just" PTSD, respect her limits and boundaries and do not contact her un...

Thanks. Good advice. Each of these breaks were preceded by happiness and stability so there's a fear of intimacy from somewhere. It catches you off guard and leaves you with regrets of the handling. I'm getting myself strong again and will just stay away.

 

[Geez]

Sorry, just to clarify, has she been diagnosed with PTSD or are you just thinking she may have it.[/QU...

Thinking. She mentioned her mum having it after a job loss or something. Maybe a projection. The periods of love and happiness are soon followed by me being dropped on my head for nothing major.