Neurotypical Starting A Relationship With Autism Spectrum

[schmidt.aander]

So I'm in EMDR cleaning up things nicely. I feel more confident and aware and I know I'm on a good path.

I've been hanging out with this guy for a couple of months, there's a lot of chemistry. We're gong slow. I am 99% sure he has asperger's syndrome which doesn't bother me at all. It actually compliments the bond we're building. I value him highly.

However, he's dropped hints at it but has yet to come out and say it, though it's obvious to me, anyway (water sign and INFP). What's also obvious is the work he's done in therapy, sometimes he stalls but he has taught himself to pick up on cues and sometimes I can hear him murmur things under his breath to keep himself in the moment. Packed with social anxiety and sometimes making comments about how "weird" he's being, we have developed a system of him making specific gestures in public which is the discreet way of asking me if everything is okay. I respond yes or no with gestures. Lack of direct eye contact for too long, showing too much or not enough affection at inappropriate times - they just stack up, though this would never change the way I feel.

I'm waiting for him to tell me and I respect his boundaries but is it completely inappropriate to just ask?

 

[EveHarrington]

Yes. Very inappropriate. IMHO. Based on my experiences.

 

[Friday]

Just ask, what? If he's an aspie/HFA/on the spectrum? Or if he wants to be more than friends? Or?

 

[schmidt.aander]

Just ask, what? If he's an aspie/HFA/on the spectrum? Or if he wants to be more than friends? Or?[/QUOTE...

If he's AS.

 

[joeylittle]

Hi @schmidt.aander - I've edited your thread title, as abbreviations can be confusing/difficult on an international forum.

If the two of you are communicating alright, and it's only a couple of months in...why does it matter whether he is or isn't on the spectrum? Is your PTSD a topic in the relationship?

 

[schmidt.aander]

Hi @schmidt.aander - I've edited your thread title, as abbreviations can be conf...

We do talk about me having PTSD. I've given specific examples of how EMDR as changed some of the wiring in my brain.

The truth is that it doesn't matter, I guess I'm a bit surprised at this point that the subject hasn't been breached easily. I don't take it as a personal slight but it seems strange that we haven't openly communicated this point.

But also, this is my first relationship after knowing how to control my stuff, so I guess, in part, I'm a bit nervous out of habit.

 

[EveHarrington]

We do talk about me having PTSD. I've given specific examples of how EMDR as changed some of the...

I honestly think that disclosing is something seen as not important. I think it may be a T vs NT kind of thing. We think it's important, to them it's just life, how they are, nothing to be concerned about.

 

[Friday]

As someone who grew up not being neurotypical... I'm always surprised by people who don't know I'm ADHD. Ummm? How can you not know? I certainly talk about it all the time :O_o: Except I don't, really. I have absolutely no compunction about talking about it, and will at any time, but it honestly never occurs to me to deliberately talk about it. For me, it would be the same as sitting down to have a very serious conversation about my eye color. I need you to know... I have blue eyes. Now, you may have certain preconceived notions about what it means to have blue eyes, but I really hope that we can sit here and have a conversation, and you can remember... I 'm still me. Still the person I've always been. And you should also know that it's not my entire eye that's blue, it's just the iris. So sometimes when you're looking at my eye? You'll see white. Or black. But there is also blue there. Which is important. Here, let me get you a diagram of the different parts of the eye... Um. No. Not gonna happen! Ever. Because it's not something I hide. It's not something I "come out" to people about.

So if your beaux has made a bunch of references? That may be the sum total of his great reveal. Aka, there won't ever be one. Because it never occurs to him there needs to be.

PTSD, on the other hand? That one I hide. That one I only disclose to an extremely narrow range of people (most of my friends and family don't know), and it drives me insane to be 'caught out' by people who know enough to spot it. Dammit! :banghead:

So there may be some of ^^^ going on as well. Aka 2 people coming from 2 totally different places.