Hi,
I have no idea what to say. I am very concerned about my sanity. I am so weary of emotional and physical pain. It does look like I'm in good company here with having trust issues, lots of loneliness and the challenge of living in a world I have never fit into.
Have C-PTSD, MDD, substance use issues (in remission), panic attacks and endless anxiety issues. Up until about a year ago, I've managed to maintain a semi-normal life. I've always battled dissociative behavior, and I feel as if I've observed the everyday occurrences in life through a window pane. I'm a survivor of childhood abuse and a 22-year domestic violence marriage. I've spent the last 10 years, after my divorce, feeling as though the hell I've gone through is always just yesterday, rather than years ago.
My family has basically disowned me. They view me as "crazy" and are ashamed that I suffer from mental illness. I'm on disability, and my son told me to "get a job" and humiliated me in front of his fiancee's family at Thanksgiving. Last weekend, I steeled myself, took a couple hours to calm myself down enough to go over to his home to watch a game, and he came unglued at my service dog and beat her in front of me. I feel like the sky is orange and none of the rules of decency apply. His anger was EXACTLY like his father's, although I could never tell him that. I was blown over and sick for about 4 or 5 days. I am simply sick and so incredibly confused and hurt. There is no one that I can talk to about what this is like, and my therapist has basically told me that it is likely I won't recover fully. The thought of living with this pathetic brain in my head and having to battle its short circuits for the rest of my life is daunting and hopeless. I've lost my life and my family and even with mindfulness, DBT and trauma coping skills, I am woefully lacking in resources to cope with life right now.
Sorry to be a downer. I am sincerely grateful to have found this forum. Thank you.
Breezi
I have no idea what to say. I am very concerned about my sanity. I am so weary of emotional and physical pain. It does look like I'm in good company here with having trust issues, lots of loneliness and the challenge of living in a world I have never fit into.
Have C-PTSD, MDD, substance use issues (in remission), panic attacks and endless anxiety issues. Up until about a year ago, I've managed to maintain a semi-normal life. I've always battled dissociative behavior, and I feel as if I've observed the everyday occurrences in life through a window pane. I'm a survivor of childhood abuse and a 22-year domestic violence marriage. I've spent the last 10 years, after my divorce, feeling as though the hell I've gone through is always just yesterday, rather than years ago.
My family has basically disowned me. They view me as "crazy" and are ashamed that I suffer from mental illness. I'm on disability, and my son told me to "get a job" and humiliated me in front of his fiancee's family at Thanksgiving. Last weekend, I steeled myself, took a couple hours to calm myself down enough to go over to his home to watch a game, and he came unglued at my service dog and beat her in front of me. I feel like the sky is orange and none of the rules of decency apply. His anger was EXACTLY like his father's, although I could never tell him that. I was blown over and sick for about 4 or 5 days. I am simply sick and so incredibly confused and hurt. There is no one that I can talk to about what this is like, and my therapist has basically told me that it is likely I won't recover fully. The thought of living with this pathetic brain in my head and having to battle its short circuits for the rest of my life is daunting and hopeless. I've lost my life and my family and even with mindfulness, DBT and trauma coping skills, I am woefully lacking in resources to cope with life right now.
Sorry to be a downer. I am sincerely grateful to have found this forum. Thank you.
Breezi
