Another Christmas feeling sad and miserable while my partner completely ignores me.

[Nairobi]

I also enjoy connecting with you! This week is being a little hard. The weeks that I am not at home is a little easier, but when I am here and I see that he is unable to speak with me and he scapes to his room when I enter in the common areas...is just sad.
Yesterday I ask him if we could share a little time. We were working in our computers in silence in the living room. I know is a big improvement, but I wonder if he really enjoy it or if he is making that only because he feels obligated to, and it is like a torture for him.
Is difficult when you want to spend time with a person and you want that person around you, but you are not sure if that person also wants the same, or your clossenes makes him feel bad.
I am sad today

 

[Annie1123]

I'm not surprised it's feeling sad. And it sounds very difficult that it feels triggering for you every time you're in your own home. And yes, it's hard to know what feels good for them and what isn't when they aren't communicating. You can always make an educated guess and remind yourself that your friend can always decline if he doesn't want to do it. Sometimes even doing the thing that is likely to help his healing can also feel scary.

Are you trying to just ride the ups and downs for now?

 

[Nairobi]

I'm not surprised it's feeling sad. And it sounds very difficult that it feels triggering for you every time you're in your own home. And yes, it's hard to know what feels good for them and what isn't when they aren't communicating. You can always make an educated guess and remind yourself that your friend can always decline if he doesn't want to do it. Sometimes even doing the thing that is likely to help his healing can also feel scary.

Are you trying to just ride the ups and downs for now?

Thank you for your words, it make feel that I am not alone in this and that there is people who understand me
With time, patient, and reading in the forum, I am learning a little about how to deal with his triggers and with my own triggers. Is difficult and some days it doesnt work and I am sad, but some days there is an improvement
I know that I have the choice to ask him to leave. But after thinking a lot about it, I have decided that I want to try to continue sharing the house with him and try to restore our friendship. I know that maybe is for nothing, and maybe I come back after a travel and I found an empty house and he has dissapear forever, but I want to try.
The other day we shared a little time and I was thinking "ok, he made this because he feels obligated to, we have made the mandatory together activity of the week, so maybe we wont have another time together until my next week in the city". But yesterday he proposed me to help me in the kitchen, of course in silence, but it was time together and it was "his idea" and not an obligation because I ask it, so it was another little improvement (I think is the first time in a lot of months that he by himself proposes to make something).
I have a little hope today