AnxiousKid
New Here
I was raised by parents, loving though they seemed to be, raised all us children, 4 boys, in shame. My father had undiagnosed OCD and I am sure at least a tinge of PTSD from WWII. He was in the 101 airborne division and the pathfinders so was in the thick of the action. He was a sergeant and raised us boys as part of his squad. All of his children went to jail and became at alcoholics and drug addicts.
Growing up in the 60's was also a springboard for the alcoholic portion and drug addiction. There were us 4 boys and we were aggressive and mean like my father. We were a normal dysfunctional family. We had the mowed green lawn and was a lovely suburban church going family.
Inside this lovely house my father was violent as was my older brothers, and I was the same to my younger brother, and angry quick to order around both the children and our mother. A good day was when my fathers car was not in the driver way when I came home from school. My father repeatedly shamed me for normal childhood behavior and my mother did the same though not as bad as dad.
My first suicidal gesture came when I was 17 and I was finally told by a therapist that I had complex PTSD in 2022, now I had another diagnosis that I can be a victim of. PTSD is terrible, it compounds on me as I struggle with the hypervigilance which can point to the very disease that is causing the hypervigilance. I look at al the forum headings and I don't know which one to choose to write in as they are all me. The longest I have held a job was 3 years and my relationships have been scattered across my life.
I am grateful I have found this forum, though because even though I am in multiple 12 Step programs, where I think probably most of us suffer from CPTSD, here it is recognized and talked about, thank you.
Growing up in the 60's was also a springboard for the alcoholic portion and drug addiction. There were us 4 boys and we were aggressive and mean like my father. We were a normal dysfunctional family. We had the mowed green lawn and was a lovely suburban church going family.
Inside this lovely house my father was violent as was my older brothers, and I was the same to my younger brother, and angry quick to order around both the children and our mother. A good day was when my fathers car was not in the driver way when I came home from school. My father repeatedly shamed me for normal childhood behavior and my mother did the same though not as bad as dad.
My first suicidal gesture came when I was 17 and I was finally told by a therapist that I had complex PTSD in 2022, now I had another diagnosis that I can be a victim of. PTSD is terrible, it compounds on me as I struggle with the hypervigilance which can point to the very disease that is causing the hypervigilance. I look at al the forum headings and I don't know which one to choose to write in as they are all me. The longest I have held a job was 3 years and my relationships have been scattered across my life.
I am grateful I have found this forum, though because even though I am in multiple 12 Step programs, where I think probably most of us suffer from CPTSD, here it is recognized and talked about, thank you.
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