Just Barely Holding It Together

[trying to heal]

Things have been super tough these last few weeks and I was barely keeping it together till I could get in to see my T next Thursday ... this afternoon I got a call from her office to say she has had to cancel that appointment and I now can't see her until the following week. Really don't know how to keep myself going that long. It will be nearly a month since I last saw her and I just don't have any more strength left.

When I got the call I just sat in my car and cried ... now I am home again and I have to quickly try and pull the mask back on and be composed.

 

[Emalulalu]

I'm sorry to hear this. I had to stop seeing my T because of insurance reasons and just got back in. My next appointment is in a month and I am struggling. Generally, when I feel like I have nothing left, I find the most impressive parts of myself. Do you have an artistic outlet or do you write? Sometimes that helps me work through things before I see T.

 

[Enaila]

Can you request a phone appointment with her? Sometimes if they cancel because need to be out of town they will allow a short phone appointment. It isn't quite the same, but does reassure one sometimes. My therapist also allows me to text her and I know some permit e-mail contact.

Continue to reach out for support on this site and maybe go into chat area if being some immediate support.

 

[Seasounds]

I'm sorry that you can't see your T sooner, too.

I know this isn't an exact (at all) replacement, but I always feel calmer after attending Alanon meetings. Related, Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA) understand trauma. They are both free and you call find meetings near you on the web.

And, of course, use this forum. We are here for each other, including you!:hug:

 

[Keming]

T cancelled on me this morning. third time in a row. giving allowances for christmas, illness, extra holiday time. also, nagging doubt.

i'm writing a list of things i want to discuss, things i've learned. only a few will make it to session (if session?) but writing it and planning it helps, for me.

 

[SophiaWisdom]

I signed up to this forum so I could reply to this specific inquiry because I just started reading a free ebook last that addresses this issue and gives me some relief. This author was hospitalized on suicide watch and while I haven't had self-harm urges in over 20 years, I can relate to the feeling of your entire world falling apart and having nothing to hold on to. ( I just finished having a screaming breakdown tonight myself. )

This author recommends as her first exercise a love list of things that you can do in a hurry with no to minimal effort that will greatly boost you and get you through the absolute worst times. I only started the book so she can explain much better.

It can be found by googling marthe hagen or freedom experiment and then signing up for her newsletter - I don't know her so I'm not getting anything out of promoting her; I simply found this book and it helped me tremendously.

 

[trying to heal]

Can you request a phone appointment with her? Sometimes if they cancel because need to be out of town th...

No she doesn't really do phone or email outside of my sessions. Ive only had her ring me a couple of times when she was concerned of my safety. I am going to sit down tomorrow and write a letter which has helped in the past. Just have no safe place to stop here at home at the moment and no ability to get out of the house but for short periods of the day.

 

[trying to heal]

T cancelled on me this morning. third time in a row. giving allowances for christmas, illness, ex...

Yikes ... I don't know how I would cope with 3 cancellations in a row. My pessamistic/paranoid voice was pretty strong after just today. Hope you are able to get in for a session soon.

 

[MisterCatLady]

I have so been there! It's such a crushing feeling. Like your last bit of hope has been taken away. Can you call and see if you can be put on her cancellation list? Someone earlier said they make a list of things to talk about, that has helped me as well.

 

[VioletButterfly]

Gentle hugs, if that is okay. I can relate as I'm sure a lot of us can. I'm at a different point in my journey, but I remember it being devastating when my T cancelled. My mind went bonkers and I loaded the cancellation with all kinds of hurtful thinking. Even farther along, I worked with a T who traveled a lot and I only saw 1x per month for 3 months each year. I guess that played a role in my becoming more detached from a T and from therapy, and more reliant upon myself. I found that I had to empower myself to be in charge of my healing.

Self-care seems to be top of mind here, along with positive self-talk. Maybe consider what you're major issues are, what you're working on and how you're working on it, and how you can find stability or supplemental support elsewhere so that when your T is away you feel calmer and more stable. Support yourself through journaling, being creative, being in community here or being in community with others in real-time (I will second the Alanon suggestion!!), or in reading affirmations or in seeking any kind of light you can bring into your world. In short, empower yourself in your own healing process.

Take care. VB