Blindsided breakup I need help understanding

Status
Not open for further replies.
That is not what the OP said. You are putting words into her mouth.
I'm not putting words into anyone's mouth. I'm just assuming that the few words a new member has posted is not the entirety of their life, or trauma history. It's the bit they felt they wanted to share and what is causing them distress at the moment.
 
I'm not putting words into anyone's mouth. I'm just assuming that the few words a new member has posted is not the entirety of their life, or trauma history. It's the bit they felt they wanted to share and what is causing them distress at the moment.
Thank you … that’s what I wanted to share and hear others thoughts and advice on .
 
that’s what I wanted to share and hear others thoughts and advice on .
Understandable.

The reason it makes sense to ask whether someone has PTSD is pretty straightforward - this is a peer support site for PTSD. People with PTSD are prone to react to stressors in any number of ways...but those reactions fall into a few groupings of PTSD symptoms.

When a person with PTSD reacts to a stressor or a trauma-rooted trigger, that reaction often relates back to the trauma event that caused their PTSD.

I'm just assuming that the few words a new member has posted is not the entirety of their life, or trauma history. It's the bit they felt they wanted to share and what is causing them distress at the moment.
Yes, this is reasonable.

It's also reasonable to ask someone the source of their PTSD - because it can help other peers recognize similar patterns of behavior and help the OP see where they might be having a trauma-based reaction, instead of simply reacting to stressful circumstances understandably stressful circumstances.

@SashaBo - Have you been diagnosed with PTSD previously, or experienced/been exposed threat of death, serious injury, or sexual violence?

This is so hard for me to speak on because a lot of the times when I say it out loud I kind of judge myself so then I automatically assume everyone else will judge me to. I’m just so heartbroken and can’t figure out what happen why it happened and what could have been done to prevent it. So here it goes.
ETA: My asking you about PTSD is not coming from judgement - though I can see how it might feel that way.

I'm looking to better understand where you're coming from.
 
Last edited:
Which one of you has PTSD?

Aside from that, he's 21, you're a good 9 years older than him. As "mature" as he seems, his brain is not fully developed yet. I made friends with someone who was roughly that age (I am 10 years older, 31) and while she was very mature for her age and we could converse on a wide variety of subjects, she lacked emotional cohesion and self-foundation and inevitably that friendship dissolved as she was not able to take accountability for the ways in which she harmed me.

It is important to me that my friends understand that they are responsible for their own voluntary actions, and a 21 year old is far less capable of that than a 31 year old. You didn't do anything "wrong," or worth beating yourself up over. I think this is just one of the reasons why age gaps in relationships can be challenging. He is not mature, as evidenced by his behavior.

Hopefully this is a learning experience for him and that when he reaches your age, he will have better developed social skills and will understand that developing a relationship with someone (especially after 6 months of persistent pursuit) means he has an obligation to treat them with respect and dignity instead of dumping them the moment he finds someone "hotter."

But to be honest, a lot of people never grow out of that behavior, and remain permanent assholes. Chalk it up as a learning lesson for yourself. There's no point in berating or judging yourself. Recognize the signs of a person that you are not compatible with (in this instance it is obviously someone who lies to you repeatedly and who disregards your clearly stated boundaries) and when that occurs in the future, disengage as soon as possible.
 
Which one of you has PTSD?

Aside from that, he's 21, you're a good 9 years older than him. As "mature" as he seems, his brain is not fully developed yet. I made friends with someone who was roughly that age (I am 10 years older, 31) and while she was very mature for her age and we could converse on a wide variety of subjects, she lacked emotional cohesion and self-foundation and inevitably that friendship dissolved as she was not able to take accountability for the ways in which she harmed me.

It is important to me that my friends understand that they are responsible for their own voluntary actions, and a 21 year old is far less capable of that than a 31 year old. You didn't do anything "wrong," or worth beating yourself up over. I think this is just one of the reasons why age gaps in relationships can be challenging. He is not mature, as evidenced by his behavior.

Hopefully this is a learning experience for him and that when he reaches your age, he will have better developed social skills and will understand that developing a relationship with someone (especially after 6 months of persistent pursuit) means he has an obligation to treat them with respect and dignity instead of dumping them the moment he finds someone "hotter."

But to be honest, a lot of people never grow out of that behavior, and remain permanent assholes. Chalk it up as a learning lesson for yourself. There's no point in berating or judging yourself. Recognize the signs of a person that you are not compatible with (in this instance it is obviously someone who lies to you repeatedly and who disregards your clearly stated boundaries) and when that occurs in the future, disengage as soon as possible.
Thank you so much ! Appreciate the advice I absolutely do. ❤️
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top