Love And Emotional Availability

[StormySea]

Th

I am emotionally available most of the time but when triggered I will isolate myself and even though I...

From what I've read so far it seems you're emotionally available more than most PTSD sufferers. Thanks for sharing. :-)

 

[Sophie's Daddy]

When you are emotionally unavailable how do you react to someone telling you they love you?

Drawing from the past, I can say I don't really react much at all inside. Often I'm too caught up in my own world to even hear or to listen. Outwardly, I've responded to my ex wife, for example by passing her repeated "I love you's" off with a lackluster "Love you, too."
Interestibly, there's no sense of loss of other emotions-and I don't feel low self esteem (from knowing I'm being distant but can't do anything until iit runs it's course.

Enough reparations occurred between such emotional distances to make everything work for years. Until I can develop better tools for adapting to such times, this may well only improve by degrees.

 

[Sophie's Daddy]

Hi Stormysea, I had a great interest in your question. I live alone and am very lonesome all of...

Wow, I really appreciate your articulation; with some exceptions, I share many of the same circumstances as you.

The fact you can express something as complex as living under arrangements like ours without losing sight of prioritizing family love means you're that much further ahead than you may be giving yourself credit for.

For me, I've taken heart - and placed my faith in - timing; when the time is right, things will happen. This approach seems to free up my precious mental energies for other healing work I've yet to complete.

But it's good that you reached out and got the conversation started. ☺

 

[Nessa7]

Emotional unavailability takes a few different forms for me. If I'm isolating, it can be hard to even be in the same room as someone. Everything sucks energy out of me. Different emotions take more out of me than others. Happiness is easiest, and it barely costs me anything. Anger and fear take the most out of me, and I have no idea how to express or even sometimes feel them. Love really depends on the person and relationship.

Sometimes my emotional distance feels almost physical, like I am physically unable to feel an emotion strongly. It is like there is a literal wall separating me from other people or from parts of myself. Or it could be like my brain is all stuffed up with cotton. It takes a lot of effort to feel, and it leaves me exhausted.

When you are emotionally unavailable how do you react to someone telling you they love you?

I will usually say it back just to not upset someone. Occasionally, it will cost me more emotionally than I have available. It can be frustrating. Especially when the person knows that I'm struggling, it can feel a bit like I'm being asked to perform on demand. This usually happens more if the person has been inconsiderate of my feelings recently or on a regular basis.

However, I think I am more comfortable with the words than most people in general. If I'm isolating, physical affection is way more of an issue for me.

 

[katz]

I've read that some sufferers aren't emotionally available and can't feel love. Can anyone relate to...

Oh, yes. I can relate. I spent so much of my child hood feeling alone and going thru all my ... "troubles and situations" by myself, that I learned "not to feel".
To this day, it is something that I want to do. I'm trying to learn to feel and to identify different emotions and what they feel like and even where it is appropriate to experience them.

When you are emotionally unavailable how do you react to someone telling you they love you?

I don't know what to feel. I'm often asking myself inside, "why would they feel this way about "me" ? Even asking myself "what do they want from me"? They must want something.

Hi Stormysea, I had a great interest in your question. I live alone and am very lonesome all of...

((( hugs to you ))
Try and remember that you are not alone. Please keep writing and remember that we are always here for you.

 

[StormySea]

Oh, yes. I can relate. I spent so much of my child hood feeling alone and going thru all my ... "troubles...

Bummer, I'm sorry you went through that and struggle to feel because of it. What methods of treatment are you using, aside from this amazingly supportive site? Are you working with a therapist?

 

[tobunika]

@StormySea, thank you for asking this question. Still learning how to listen and interpret actions of my dear, but he is not able to explain everything, so this forum is a big help for us/for me. Thank all of you guys for your answers and explanations.

 

[katz]

Bummer, I'm sorry you went through that and struggle to feel because of it. What methods of treatment...

No. I'm between therapists now. The last two left me unexpectedly. So, I'm a little unsure what I want to do.

 

[StormySea]

No. I'm between therapists now. The last two left me unexpectedly. So, I'm a little unsure what I want to...

Well it sounds like in the meantime you're making good progress in exploring and identifying your emotions. You must have come a long way to be mindful of these things and to be able to openly share on this forum.

 

[katz]

Well it sounds like in the meantime you're making good progress in exploring and identifying your emo...

Thanks for your words of encouragement. (And, yes. This is an amazing forum)

 

[MoriMermaid]

@One step at a time

-Sometimes, my symptoms don't give me a choice - if in I am in a flashback, and I don't really know that you are the person in front of me, I will not act like I recognize you.

This is me for almost the last year now.
@Ironlady

I am emotionally available most of the time but when triggered I will isolate myself and even though I care and love others deeply I cannot get my head around my own pain enough to be able to provide what they may be needing on an emotional level.

Word for word how I feel.
@Nessa7

Sometimes my emotional distance feels almost physical, like I am physically unable to feel an emotion strongly. It is like there is a literal wall separating me from other people or from parts of myself. Or it could be like my brain is all stuffed up with cotton. It takes a lot of effort to feel, and it leaves me exhausted.

Tried to run the brain stuffed with cotton by a therapist once. She didn't get it...not surprising. I've felt like there has been a literal wall as well at times when I get overwhelmed.

Your posts have explained to me in less than 10 minutes what's going on with a close male friend and I right now and people in general. I feel a little less alone.

 

[katz]

When you are emotionally unavailable how do you react to someone telling you they love you?

I tend to just answer back with what "they " want. I tell them that I love them too. Even though I feel empty inside.