Love Is Dangerous.

[anthony]

"LOVE" is dangerous to me. I CAN NOT have people liking me as it sends off alarm bells in my head and I majorly freak out. Yes, MAJORLY. Once those alarm bells go off, I tend to destroy whatever it is that was good... ...THIS is why I don't think anyone will ever have pure feelings of LOVE (or even LIKE) toward me that aren't simply a selfish means to an end... ...Letting someone in means that they have power over me and can manipulate me as they see fit.

Why do you confuse love with like? They aren't close to the same thing. I like you, but do not love you, and I have no selfish means to that. You seem to me to be an honest person, which I like in people. They aren't the same thing though...

To be honest, allowing people within your inner circle, whether friendships or a partner, a person shouldn't be trying to manipulate you. Its one thing for you to feel that way, but as long as that isn't the intent of the person. Anyone who manipulate you... well... you don't want them in your inner circle. Asking you to do something though isn't manipulation, as you always get to choose for you. When a person makes you feel guilty for your choices, then that can be either manipulation or disappointment on their behalf. You would have to ask the person though, as you obviously can't read their mind.

but love is dangerous, it is not safe. My mind cannot reconcile the two.

The feelings of love are not safe, so that isn't an irrational thought. Love is powerful, it has the capacity to make a person feel horrible emotions, yet also has the overwhelming capacity to feel positive emotions. You can look at the negative only... sure... but without risk there is no reward for possibly feeling the positive emotions. It's a choice, neither right nor wrong.

I think that's why I turn to pissing everyone off. Damn, now THAT feels safe! ...I don't get caught up in lovey-dovey feelings where my guard is down and I am open to manipulation.

Again, you have to ascertain whether the person is manipulating you, OR whether you are the one who believe you're being manipulated when not. Irrational? Or rational?

I want to be close to people but it is NOT safe. I don't want to be like this anymore!

Being vulnerable does not mean you aren't safe. Safety is something physical, and you're talking about emotional safety versus physical safety. What is the worse that can really happen to you emotionally? You get your heart broken? You're not any worse of physically... your health isn't being compromised. Your integrity is intact.

I don't know what to do.

I'll disagree with you. I think you know exactly what you need to do... but you're just fighting with the safety of your emotions. Physical safety versus emotional safety are vastly different things. Nobody is ever emotionally safe. Keeping people at arms distance is hurting you, so even not loving or liking anyone is hurting you. You are hurting you, before anyone else can do so.

You are going to get hurt emotionally in life, it is human, and you are human. The difference is to rationally learn, not irrationally learn and repeat things that only hurt yourself.

To be honest, you've just jumped a hurdle by working all this out for yourself. Well done. Everyone starts somewhere with a problem.

 

[Tanishq]

Everyone starts somewhere with a problem.

I like this a lot, I want to start many things, but get held back when I think why I always start with a problem? Think today I got my answer. Thanks Anthony. :)