Love And Emotional Availability

[StormySea]

I've read that some sufferers aren't emotionally available and can't feel love. Can anyone relate to this?

 

[One step at a time]

Yes, there have definitely been times when I'm not emotionally available.
-Sometimes, my symptoms don't give me a choice - if in I am in a flashback, and I don't really know that you are the person in front of me, I will not act like I recognize you.
-Sometimes, it is a choice that I have made - if I am in pain and exhausted, I may choose not to be emotionally vulnerable.
-For me, this falls under the category of the PTSD stress cup article, which is a wonderful resource on this site for understanding some of the limitations PTSD can place on people.

I love many people very much. There were times when it was unsafe for me to feel anything - I would have been incapacitated by the pain - and so I became numb. I still loved people at those times, I just couldn't feel it.

 

[StormySea]

Yes, there have definitely been times when I'm not emotionally available.
-Sometimes, my sym...

Thank you for the insight! Our brains are so fascinating. Hearing the description of what happens during a flashback or when someone's brain is trying to protect them from pain is absolutely amazing! In that moment you really don't know that someone is the person in front of you? Wow. I'm so sorry you've experienced pain deep enough for that to happen. Insights like this are an absolute must for me to have compassion for my boyfriend. Without it, I tend to get so hurt when he acts distant or ignores me. I feel rejected and like he doesn't care which I know has been said a million times by supporters on this site. Much of the time he acts more relaxed and normal than me, so I underestimate, forget, or think he's over his PTSD. But when I hear explanations like yours, I go into compassion mode.

It's a relief to know that the lack of feeling could just be a momentary thing. I suspect that's the case with him too. He's definitely emotionally distant but now and then I'll catch a glimpse of what seems to be a loving person.

 

[Ronin]

Right now, I 'feel' mostly choices & sadness / guilt, everything else just did a gradual slip away in the past few months.

I know I still love & care for many people, deeply, but emotionally, it's just a hollow hole I'm not sure what to do with.

 

[StormySea]

Right now, I 'feel' mostly choices & sadness / guilt, everything else just did a gradual slip away in the...

I'm so sorry. My heart goes out to you. I'm glad you've found this great site and are working through recovery here.

 

[StormySea]

When you are emotionally unavailable how do you react to someone telling you they love you?

 

[Friday]

I've read that some sufferers aren't emotionally available and can't feel love.

For sure. Sometimes for short periods of time. Hours & days. Sometimes for long periods of time. Months & years.

how do you react to someone telling you they love you?

It very much depends on the context.

Are my emotions violently engaged elsewhere? Then like someone trying to feed me lasagna while I'm busy puking my guts out in the loo. With kids it's the weak smile & thanks, hon, that's really thoughtful. Why don't you eat the lasagna? With everyone else it's like :shifty: The f*ck are you thinking?

With other things, other reactions.

 

[StormySea]

Thank you for sharing about that. It makes sense and is good to know.

 

[Ironlady]

I am emotionally available most of the time but when triggered I will isolate myself and even though I care and love others deeply I cannot get my head around my own pain enough to be able to provide what they may be needing on an emotional level. When I'm in survival mode there is really nothing else seem to be able to focus on but that and then that's when guilt and shame come in and compounds things. I want to care. I want people to feel loved by me but I will say if they are the trigger?.. I will avoid them as much as possible even if I do love them.

 

[MichelleMillen]

Hi Stormysea, I had a great interest in your question. I live alone and am very lonesome all of the time. I live near my son and daughter and their spouses, yet I seldom think of them and even my brand new granddaughter. When we visit I feel love and emotion for all of them. When they text my heart comes alive and I always let them know how much I love them. Then I go back to being dead inside. I would live to meet someone, but that seems impossible in so many ways. I am ashamed of my looks (haven't aged well) and my body (I am overweight) and although I feel like I would have a lot of love to give someone the physical restrictions would be disastrous. The idea of any intimate advances would frighten and repulse me and he would have to cope with the baggage my past has caused and all of the symptoms of my PTSD. I don't believe there is a man out there who could love me enough to help me walk through possible recovery from sexual abuse from both my father and ex-husband. I do think about it every day, though. I'm only 47 and have a long, lonely road ahead. I am confined to my apartment most of the time anyway due to fibromyalgia and rheumatoid arthritis. I have no way offering someone anyway, unless I go online, and I'm afraid to do that and can't afford it anyway. To sum up, my emotions are completely shut off unless someone reaches out to me that I trust; then I can feel love. It goes away as soon as our contact is over, most of the time,

 

[StormySea]

Hi Stormysea, I had a great interest in your question. I live alone and am very lonesome all of...

Thank you for your post sweetheart. It's eye opening to hear about all the different reasons a person might not show love sometimes. It helps me to keep an open mind and not make assumptions in my future interactions. I'm sorry your past is preventing you from realizing your beauty. It sounds like you're working hard to heal and are making great progress. You're courageously sharing your story, allowing yourself to be vulnerable, reaching out for help, and making positive changes in your life. That's a beautiful thing. I wouldn't be surprised if you find love along the way without even trying. I personally can't stand the thought of going back to internet dating. I plan on continuing to work on myself and my other relationships and hope that something romantic will develop along that path when the timing is right, whether it be with my PTSD sufferer or, should that not work out, someone else.

 

[MichelleMillen]

Stormysea, I have not read a more beautiful, encouraging post to me here. Thank you. I hope that you and I can get to know each other better. Take care, Michelle