Abandonment

[Engineer]

When I lose a friend it feels as though it's my fault they left. This triggers a week or more of panic attacks. But, it's something that happens in life. How can I learn to overcome the most basic thing, loneliness? It doesn't seem to have a connection to my bullying either.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

How can I learn to overcome the most basic thing, loneliness?

I honestly don't think there is a "cure" for loneliness. I think we learn by process that other's choices are theirs and not ours to bare and we can find comfort in other places.

Like, for instance, I made a connection with a couple that vlog and they are super sweet. They have thousands of viewers and when they livecast they aren't there just because of me but it feels like they are and their videos feels like they are speaking just to me and it is so comforting. I think part of that connection is due to my lonelinesa right now but it is healthy plus they are a Christian couple (which I normally run from) and that has been so nice. I always feel so warm watching their daily vlogs. I am cram watching the older ones like its a show on Netflix or something lol.

Also, I have found it super helpful to learn new hobbies. I have so many but my newest is paracord knotting. Which is awesome as I need many custom things right now. But hobbies help a ton. It helps mindfulness i think as it eases the mind. Calms me. And it is also a great diatraction.

So that can be art, music, crafting, even fixing up old furntiture. There are so many hobbies one can get lost in.

Know you arent alone! :hug:

 

[Engineer]

I honestly don't think there is a "cure" for loneliness. I think we learn by process that ot...

Thank you but, what I'm referring to is Co-dependency.

 

[Fadeaway]

I am not sure that falls under co-dependency, but attachment issues.

 

[Engineer]

I am not sure that falls under co-dependency, but attachment issues.

Co-dependency is extreme attachment to a person. The emotions themselves are everyday loss of people that we face. But, the extremes I go to make that person happy makes the loss seem even more heartbreaking. Currently, I lost a friend. It's causing some major emotional outbursts.

 

[Rumors]

I think what fadeaway is trying to say is it is unclear where do-dependency comes in to play here. You stated that you are upset because you lost a friend, but didn't state how you were co-dependent for/of them. Yes, being codependent is a form of abandonment/attachment theory.
In what ways do you feel like your relationship was codependent with your friend? Did you have a point where you realized this before the relationship was over? Really sorry you feel abandoned. Crappy feeling. If you can take some time to reflect on this situation, perhaps you can find some alternative thoughts for the future. Hang in there....

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Overcoming Codependency: Reclaiming Yourself in Relationships | The Huffington Post

 

[Engineer]

I think what fadeaway is trying to say is it is unclear where do-dependency comes in to play here. You s...

Yes. My happiness seemed to depend on whether they talked to me, or were around. I sacrificed anything it took to make that person happy. Every year I have one person that becomes the center of my world and every one else ceases to matter. This cycle I began to notice when I met people who actually cared about how I was feeling but, all these people did was make me more dependent on them by showing compassion. I wish to end this. To be able to lose a person and not lose myself. I struggle with my own self-worth.

 

[Nevermore]

I've struggled with codependency most of my life - seems like a family gene! I know what you're talking about @Engineer and it's a hard thing to get on top of, but not impossible.
It's about staying with you and your own feelings and being on your own side, something that should come so naturally but doesn't when you've got codependency going on.
It's hard to get on top of as you have to focus on yourself, not others, and not being able to do that is the very root of the disease!
It took a lot of therapy for me to even be able to see it was a problem!
But I did get there. To be honest, it's an absolute relief when you do. I allowed so much that wasn't good or right in my life before I understood, and my relationships now are equal and I allow the ebbs and flows of life and affections without trying to control it all - which is kind of what it is too. - Hanging on so tightly to people, enslaving yourself to please others can get you so utterly trapped and stuck.
You need you more than you need anyone else!
It's very liberating and really worth working on, but it takes time!
Sorry about your friend.