Sexual Assault Ruined?

[henamedmeowl]

Everyone responds differently to assault. I responded by freezing up and being obedient. He kept me for two years. Its been 12 years and still I'm afraid of men for some reason I follow the same pattern. I freeze up and follow directions or guidance. So I'm in a relationship and have been with someone that doesn't have this effect on me and I avoid men mostly especially in like private spaces when this dynamic can occur and even when I know I'm safe I still want this to happen. Its like a strong desire to replay the dynamic but in a safe environment. I'm aware this sounds sick but it won't go away. Does anyone else deal with this ? I feel so badly that I want this dynamic it mak3s me feel safe but wtf like I was abused with this..its really disturbing.

 

[chade66]

That must be very painful. Have you talked to a therapist about it? Freezing is a normal response and you right that everyone deals differently. Hang in there, you are not alone.

 

[henamedmeowl]

That must be very painful. Have you talked to a therapist about it? Freezing is a normal response and...

I have many times. Thanks.