What have i gotten myself into

[Fadeaway]

What have I done! I took a DNA test recently. I pretty much grew up without family except my abusive grandmother, my abuser who I do not claim relation too and my ex step grandfather whom I loved but he didn't see me as family. No siblings aunts or cousins.

So, I have made contact with a family member today on my dads side. I am over the moon with joy and scared to death I am going to screw it up. The thing is this means while I would rather avoid any mention of my disastrous childhood, I am going to have to have to explain a few things because they are going to know my generic story I give to people I don't want to divulge personal history do, isn't quite going to add up if I don't.

I gave this person the generic story to start off with because I didn't want to have to explain certain things, but after our phone conversation today and follow email, I can see that is going to be unavoidable because they are asking questions about my abusers. With most people I have just gotten in the habit of saying everyone I was aware of is dead and that I have no family at all. And that is mostly true, but my grandmother and her son, are not.

I am having a lot of anxiety over this, but a lot of it is actually good happy excited anxiety, with fear too because I don't want to scare them off. And I am also afraid of them thinking I lied. I kind did, I mean at the very least, I was misleading but the last thing I wanted to do was spoil our conversation with a sob story.
I know it doesn't sound like it,but I am totally smiling because this is like a dream come true.

Ack help!

I want family sooooo bad. This is too important to me to screw up.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

Excited @Fadeaway for you too and I can see why you are totally smiling! And I do not see you keepng personal information to yourself as lying, for me it was self-disclosure and you are taking it slow and realized that people who do not suffer from ptsd may not understand, etc. So, take it slow, put your toes in the water, and continue to self-disclose as only you become comfortable with feedback you are getting from this family member. And good for you for reaching out and trying to establish family tie lines. Good for you!

I am looking forward @Fadeaway to hearing more. Jade.

 

[Fadeaway]

:joyful::joyful::joyful: This is going so well. I explained the basics of my situation and they were incredibly understanding. This is just so awesome.

 

[Casey_03]

This is going so well. I explained the basics of my situation and they were incredibly understanding. This is just so awesome.

That is amazing! I'm happy for you. I think you need to keep focusing on this instead of the fear and anxiety. Because if there's one thing that will trip you up and sabotage the whole thing -- it's fear and anxiety. Try to keep it in the background. And also, there's no reason you can't be vague in your explanations. If you say something like, "I grew up in an unhealthy environment and would rather not give all the details right now," they should get the hint and wait until you're ready to open up more. You don't have to spill everything at once.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

You go girl! Family ties, Mmmm, Yes! :)