Ex-t emailing me distressing things...do i tell current t?

[blackandwhite2017]

The kicker is when I was so suicidal one time she told me that she wanted to come to my house and commit suicide with me! She wanted us to go together so we would be friends forever.

This is the creepiest thing I have ever heard about a therapist.
Good luck, OP! and please do tell your current T so he can help you deal with this stress.

 

[Rumors]

Good lord that is scary... please show him. Then, contact the police and file a restraining order. She is nuts! Unhinged doesn't begin to apply! So sorry!

 

[Fadeaway]

Haven't read the replies yet, I am just in shock. WTF! Print them out, have multiple copies, I might even show them to the police. That is some scary shit, and I have a bit of anxiety just thinking about what it must be like to be in your shoes.

DO not reply to her again, block her number, heck, even consider a restraining order.

 

[Suzetig]

Welcome to the forum, I'm glad you felt able to post about this - what appalling behaviour from anyone much less someone calling themselves a therapist.

You say she is unlicensed - is she a student or someone working towards registration? How did you come to be working with her? In your shoes I'd be talking to my current T for support and to whichever agency put you in touch with her, because they need to know she is unsafe.

 

[barefoot]

Oh, wow! What a shocking experience you've had with this ex-T. I'm not usually one to judge but she sounds totally bat shit crazy!

Agree with others that, yes, I think it would be worth sharing all this with your new T so that he can better understand the here and now stress this is causing you and so that he can support you with it. Also, your ex-T's messages seem to have planted some seeds for potential doubt for you about your new T and I would suggest raising them with him - he is the best placed person to be able to give you the reassurances you need.

I think it is also a good thing for someone (i.e. your current therapist) to have all the information about your ex-T's current behaviour so that someone is aware of just how extreme this woman's behaviour is. It's appalling behaviour for anyone to be demonstrating. But a therapist?! Shocking!

And I'd echo others' advice here. Don't engage with her again. Delete her number, block her calls and messages, change your number etc. And, yes, maybe consider a restraining order. If she is sitting outside your house, trying to intimidate you and trying to manipulate you into engaging with her, that is way beyond acceptable. It is intrusive and frightening - this is your home and you should be able to feel safe and have your privacy respected there.

Take care - and welcome to the forum!

 

[chaotic harmony]

Thank you all for your replies! I'm definitely going to show him everything tomorrow.

The mods do a great job of making sure people play nice. LOL It IS a good place to practice things like not being shy. (Part of my reason for being here too.)

Thank you, this makes me feel much better!

I don't know if restraining orders are available where you are - maybe consider one, because this is so far beyond acceptable behaviour. I've heard some horror therapy stories, but wowsers, this lady is seriously pathological.

Yes, orders of protection are available here but unfortunately this situation does not qualify. They said she has to physically hurt me and/or threaten my life on more than one occasion. The investigator from the licensing board had suggested one as soon as she saw all of the texts and emails that were sent to me during my 7 months with her, she called the justice center and that's what she was told. The system is a joke.

As for safe touch? I'm up to my 8th year in therapy, many hospital inpatient stays at more hospitals than I care to name, and safe touch? Has not yet come up as a therapy goal, or even a therapy "To Do", and I'd go so far as to suggest that having a T that sticks to a very professional, clear-boundaries type relationship with you might be a huge (like, Huge!) relief for you.

The safe touch has only come up with female therapists, social workers and psychiatrists. Weird, huh? This is my first male T but I've dealt with males on the inpatient floors before. I'd see the female SW one day and a male the next and they always had different plans on what I need. It was very confusing for me.

Wow, I read your post and I'm really sorry for those huge boundary violations! This sounds like a lifetime movie script rather than something that could really happen....my mind is just blown that there are therapists out there that would do all of that! I would definitely share this with your current therapist so he could help support you and maybe help you protect yourself from further harm from your previous t.

It does sound like a Lifetime movie in the making! I'd have a hell of a time believing it if I hadn't experienced it. She took my naivety about how therapy was supposed to work (my first T was so confusing.) and manipulated me. The investigator explained that to me. My T apologizes for my first T and her saying that he's embarrassed that they are in his profession.

Contact the licensing board of your state and let them know that her behavior continues. This will help ensure she can't get licensed in your state.

Oh I have! The investigator gave me her cell number and told me to text/call with everything she does. She told me not to block her on text or email because everything she sends is more proof against her. She knows it's stressful for me but said I am helping many others by trying to keep her out of this profession. I think by showing this recent interaction with my T will help with my stress.

I hate to say this, but your first T had you going to therapy WAY too often. If you require more than 2 or 3 sessions a week it's time for a day program or inpatient treatment. The down time from therapy is when we put all those things we learned in therapy to good use.

Yes, I agree wholeheartedly. I was so stupid and naive because I had never been in therapy before and I had no idea what was "normal" or appropriate. I found out later that she had me going so often because she needed the money. It was all about the money and not her trying to help me. This crazy T did the same thing. Since I was self pay she would call when she had openings (which she did quite often) and tell me to come in because she was broke. She twisted my mind so much by telling me that her helping me was helping her and didn't I want her to stay in business so she could help me? It makes me nauseous thinking about everything she said/did. She was also trying to get me to leave my home, my comfort zone, to go stay with her mother at her house. She said it was for my safety but then she started bawling when I said no and said "My mother needs help, she's depressed, I can't believe you won't help her after everything I have done for you!" So I wound up staying there for almost 2 weeks. I would have been mentally safer in IOP but I got kicked out of the one here for not participating in group.

This is the creepiest thing I have ever heard about a therapist.

Yes, quite creepy. I am such an idiot for letting it get this far. I just didn't see the signs soon enough. I'm kicking myself every day. :(:banghead:

You say she is unlicensed - is she a student or someone working towards registration? How did you come to be working with her? In your shoes I'd be talking to my current T for support and to whichever agency put you in touch with her, because they need to know she is unsafe.

She has graduated but still hasn't completed her required supervision hours. And the reason she hasn't is because she is so unstable. I'm kind of upset with her supervisor for letting her continue to see clients when she was obviously in a downward spiral. Since she is unlicensed the licensing board had to open an investigation on her supervisor too. They told me clearly though that there is a 99% chance that nothing will happen to the supervisor because they cannot prove the supervisor knew anything was wrong. I did call the supervisor several times but she never returned my call. I called her 5x on the day this T told me that she wanted to commit suicide with me and she claims that the office manager never gave her the messages. I find that hard to believe. The sexual assault center in my area are actually the people who sent me to her. They said she had been an intern there and she knows how to deal with trauma quite well. I have let them know and the investigator has let them know that she is under review.

I think it is also a good thing for someone (i.e. your current therapist) to have all the information about your ex-T's current behaviour so that someone is aware of just how extreme this woman's behaviour is. It's appalling behaviour for anyone to be demonstrating. But a therapist?! Shocking!

Appalling is definitely the correct word! Thank you for putting that word to it! My T has all the information about her (just not this latest interaction) and he knows that the investigator has asked me not to block her quite yet. He asked me not to read them but for some reason my brain doesn't understand that and I read them all. :confused: The investigator also knows everything and I have sent her the photos of ex-Ts car sitting under my windows. Even after all of this there is a chance she'll get her license if some sympathetic person at the licensing board feels sorry for her and chalks it up to "error in judgment." I don't know what else to do to get the word out that she isn't a safe person.

 

[Scarlet13]

Holy cow! I am so sorry you are going through this ON TOP of your other trauma. It is so hard when you seek help and you wind up with abuse. This is totally rare and not the norm. I am sorry this is happening to you and must be so stressful. Yes, she sounds so manipulative. It sounds like she has like 3 personality disorders. I am not even sure what. She is guilt tripping you and that's abuse. She has crossed SO many professional boundaries. She has been emotionally abusing you. It is good that you are documenting this. She is using you, controlling you and manipulating you and you are vulnerable because you are a trauma survivor. DO NOT blame your self or kick your self for your judgement. She sounds VERY manipulative. As far as trauma therapy goes, I see my T once or twice a week for 50 min. She has never used safe touch. For safe touch, I have gone with massage.
It is too bad the supervisor can't pay for this. Seriously. And the trauma center that recommended her. Have you told them you contacted the supervisor multiple times? That is crazy that she wanted to commit suicide with you. WTF? And guilt tripping you constantly? So sorry this crazy person came into your life.

 

[Suzetig]

I don't think it's your job to have others understand she isn't safe. You've raised concerns, it's for others now to take that forward and your role is to keep yourself safe. Talk to your current T about it but any action you take needs to be for yourself - you were able to work out she wasn't ok and others need to do that too.

That may sound harsh but you have your own recovery to work on, you can't do that while trying to save the world.

 

[chaotic harmony]

you can't do that while trying to save the world.

I'm not trying to save the world. I do, however, feel like I have a responsibility to keep others from going through this. Nothing has ever changed unless someone pushed for and made that change happen.

 

[chaotic harmony]

Thank you very much for your entire post. I really appreciate it!

DO NOT blame your self or kick your self for your judgement.

This is just so hard for me. I'm the one who has always been blamed for everything and it's so ingrained into my brain that now I blame myself for everything. But honestly...how did I NOT see her for what she was so much sooner? I don't get it. Maybe because I am just used to people just being flat out mean, that I can't recognize manipulation at that level? I need to ask T about this. Wow....everyone's responses have gotten me looking at a bunch of different things...I'm very thankful!

Have you told them you contacted the supervisor multiple times?

The investigator knows. I even printed out my phone logs to prove it even though she believed me and didn't ask for them. The investigator has been amazing through this whole process these last 5 months. And I know she is doing everything she can to stop her from becoming licensed. That makes me feel a bit better!

 

[Suzetig]

I do, however, feel like I have a responsibility to keep others from going through this.

I think the part of my post that you quoted might have felt more dismissive of your concern than I meant it to. I do understand the issues around unsafe therapists and I'm usually the first person to advocate for reporting etc. What I meant was, it's ok to let it rest so you can take care of yourself.

The responsibility for her practice and her being safe to practice rests with her, her supervisor, the investigator you've referred to and any licensing body. You've given them all you have to help the process - it's not your responsibility to hold them to account.

It's kind of like reporting a crime and then following up the police investigation, going to the press, taking out a private advert and hiring a private investigator all at the same time. Better to trust the police to do their job, even if you can't see how the investigation is going, than try to influence things from outside. If she goes on to harm someone else it will not be your fault, responsibility rests with her and the systems around her.

 

[chaotic harmony]

I think the part of my post that you quoted might have felt more dismissive of your concern than I meant it to. I do understand the issues around unsafe therapists and I'm usually the first person to advocate for reporting etc. What I meant was, it's ok to let it rest so you can take care of yourself.

The responsibility for her practice and her being safe to practice rests with her, her supervisor, the investigator you've referred to and any licensing body. You've given them all you have to help the process - it's not your responsibility to hold them to account.

It's kind of like reporting a crime and then following up the police investigation, going to the press, taking out a private advert and hiring a private investigator all at the same time. Better to trust the police to do their job, even if you can't see how the investigation is going, than try to influence things from outside. If she goes on to harm someone else it will not be your fault, responsibility rests with her and the systems around her.

Yes, thank you, you are absolutely right! I know logically that I need to just let them take care of it and I know the investigator is doing everything she can...but on the other hand I worry because she said since she's not licensed yet, her hands are tied about disciplinary actions. Illogically I feel it would be my fault if others get hurt because I didn't do enough when I knew disciplinary actions were off the table. I have knowledge about her other clients because she broke confidentiality about several of them with me and the licensing board can't do anything about that, so I just want to scream from the rooftop that they aren't safe with her. It's just weighing me down. :(