A Groundbreaking Court Decision for Vets With PTSD

[JarHed]

JarHed said: Link Removed
It's that Marine Credo, it stays with you forever. That's not a bad thing. Maybe in some small way it's kept me on the 'straight n' narrow'.
That's it, what I was trying to say. OK, we're easily triggered. But we are capable of restraint, we use it to our own detriment because we serve, still....

I'm Brit, but the credo is the same. An oath to the Crown, and not to whichever bunch hapens to be in government. I will look after my people.
The service ethos is most definitely what has kept me on the rails. And kept me useful.

Kind of like something 'biblical', a good way to live your life, honorably, and just doing the right thing.

 

[Sarg]

More like constant torment to me. I was raised in the military, day one. My military bearing keeps me on the straight and narrow (well, mostly) and my inner torment wants me to do things that would most likely end before an angry judge. It's like I want to freaking explode. But I go to my therapist, siphon off just enough to last until the next appointment. Then I motor on, in constant turmoil, and present a facade devoid of emotion.

Gee, what a terrific existence!

Sarg

 

[Anglesachse]

my inner torment wants me to do things that would most likely end before an angry judge.It's like I want to freaking explode.

Ohh boy, that sounds familiar. I wouldn`t exactly call it "Terrific" but it has certainly been an "Intresting Existence" to date. :whistling:

 

[JarHed]

but it has certainly been an "Interesting Existence"

Is that what we call it now? Between the psychs and meds and all the rest it sometimes makes me wish I just 'bought it' over there. At least I could shoot someone if they f**ked with me. Here I can't or I go to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200 dollars. Have to say on average I have more shitty days than good ones. It sometimes makes the future, what ever it will be, rather bleak. I see all these programs for returning soldiers, going to spas out west and stuff. I'm glad for them that they get that chance. Just can't help but feel like, geez I could sure use a vacation. Some days I wake up and I'm pissed that I'm still alive. Not a great way to feel. Sorry if this thread has moved away from it's original intent. I guess I hate to truly think of myself as 'a danger to society', although at times I know I am. That's what's f**ked up about PTSD. Trained to kill, ready to kill but can't kill.

Jar

 

[Sarg]

Jar, you're welcome out west anytime. Trout fishing in Colorado, I can get ya lined up for a mule train down into the Grand Canyon ( altho' I've never understood why anybody would want to stand in the bottom of a canyon!) Beautiful mountains, lotz of trees. Don't hurt anybody...it'll only wind up hurting you more.

Sarg

 

[JarHed]

Hey Sarg

Thanks Bro, I just might take you up on that offer sometime. I don't want to hurt anyone, well maybe a couple of people, but I still think I have enough restraint not to. I just feel like that sometimes. I'm sure I'm not alone with that feeling. Sometimes my insides are like in a blender if you know what I mean. If it wasn't for my wife I'd probably already be in some place locked up. She helps keep me here, although sometimes I don't know why. Just a bit down of late. It will change, it always does. I appreciate your concern.

Jar

 

[gibrokedown]

jarhead it's the difference between going to prison and going to a mental institution for life. i know a mental institution is where I'd rather be if i had a choice and the ones in prison which i've seen on tv on this topic all agree. and you never know when you may have a psychotic break and not know what you are doing. ptsd is a newly scrutinized illness even though it's been around in every war. we have only JUST in the last 15 years or so started studying it. and in the last 10 studying how it affects the body. I have done hours upon hours of research to prove to the VA that we vets can die from ptsd, and that it causes heart disease and eats the brain tissues. now they are publishing it. I'd rather have a few assholes slide through the system saying ptsd made me do it and save the 95% who really did have ptsd make them do it. than have 100% of everyone in prison rotting away. think about it jarhead. haven't you ever snapped out so hard you actually blacked out. I nearly killed a guy one day, and ptsd DID have a huge impact on my actions. if I didn't have it i would have fought him martial arts controlled style. with ptsd I lost it, blacked out and smashed his face until he was saved by cops. do you see the difference?
I barely remember hurting him. I blacked out. It gets worse as ptsd gets worse. the blacking out part i mean. not hurting people. but it's possible it could be any one of us at any time and we need a system that understands us.

 

[gibrokedown]

reddevil I've tried their idiotic meds they made me sicker. they helped end my last relationship because the med made me a mean as hell person and i nearly knocked my ex out in a grocery store for no reason at all. i just threw a punch for no reason. it was their meds that did that.
as for therapy, lets see I am blackbagged, i can only say certain things. so therapy with a therapist doesn't work. i can't be put under hypnosis because i have ptsd and am labelled dangerous, they don't know what would happen. i find therapists don't have a damn clue about ptsd other than what they've read in a book and have zero empathy for us vets who have it. so why would i trust any of them to tell them anything about me or my life or my situation? as for group therapy well, i don't know how that would work out I can't get into any social situations due to my ptsd being so bad that it's created agoraphobia. i have to be sedated just to go to the store now. or walk out my door. so THIS is my therapy. I do learn alot, but, it doesn't make the ptsd any better. but then again I've not been in a group long enough to bleed the pain dry.

 

[JarHed]

Hey Gib

You've made some good points in your posts. Just for me, I've been labeled as a 'crazy vietnam vet' for a very long time. I know that I probably will never be 'normal'. The other day I was at the VA for something and they had issued a food chit to me. I nicely, really, asked if I could get the cash instead. She gave me the most sarcastic, snotty reply like I was asking her for her money. Could have just said 'we only issue this voucher or something like that. What she said and how she said it was totally uncalled for. I was just asking a simple question that I didn't know the answer to.

I looked at her and thought, in 2 seconds I could be over her desk and have my hands on her f*cking throat. I can't tell you how many times those thoughts run through my mind in those situations. Some people are total fools, and don't know what they are dealing with. But I didn't. I resisted my urges. I haven't always, I've been there raging with 5 cops on top of me, cuffing me like a common criminal. Recently I might add. So, I'm getting worse, not better. I like you don't go out of my house. I hate people and don't want to be around them. There but for the grace of god go I as far as the guy that used the fact that he's has ptsd and that was the cause of his actions. Unless you've got it, people just don't understand or give a damn.

I'm always looking for something that will help. I just get tired of looking and thinking and studying. I should be enjoying what's left of the time I have, instead this is what I do.

And then we have the holiday season when everyone is supposed to be happy and spend their money and stuff. I can't wait for it to be over. One less stress to deal with. As I've said before, it's like a long roller coaster ride; up and down. Just lately, it's more down than ever and I wonder if I'll be up again sometime. I'm just tired out, its when everything that I don't need to happen does.

Jar

 

[gibrokedown]

Hey Gib

You've made some good points in your posts. Just for me, I've been labeled as a 'crazy vietnam vet' for a very long time. I know that I probably will never be 'normal'. The other day I was at the VA for something and they had issued a food chit to me. I nicely, really, asked if I could get the cash instead. She gave me the most sarcastic, snotty reply like I was asking her for her money. Could have just said 'we only issue this voucher or something like that. What she said and how she said it was totally uncalled for. I was just asking a simple question that I didn't know the answer to.

I looked at her and thought, in 2 seconds I could be over her desk and have my hands on her f*cking throat. I can't tell you how many times those thoughts run through my mind in those situations. Some people are total fools, and don't know what they are dealing with. But I didn't. I resisted my urges. I haven't always, I've been there raging with 5 cops on top of me, cuffing me like a common criminal. Recently I might add. So, I'm getting worse, not better. I like you don't go out of my house. I hate people and don't want to be around them. There but for the grace of god go I as far as the guy that used the fact that he's has ptsd and that was the cause of his actions. Unless you've got it, people just don't understand or give a damn.

I'm always looking for something that will help. I just get tired of looking and thinking and studying. I should be enjoying what's left of the time I have, instead this is what I do.

And then we have the holiday season when everyone is supposed to be happy and spend their money and stuff. I can't wait for it to be over. One less stress to deal with. As I've said before, it's like a long roller coaster ride; up and down. Just lately, it's more down than ever and I wonder if I'll be up again sometime. I'm just tired out, its when everything that I don't need to happen does.

Jar

wow jar you are in my head. the people at the VA treat me the same way. example: the day before yesterday a woman was making calls for the medical team I belong to and she was so rude to me. she knew absolutely zip about my condition or history and yet said "you aren't getting any meds" then basically called me a liar and hung the f*ck up on me! for two days I've been planning ways to kill the bitch. but I won't it's just what my mind does. I hate all of them. ignoramouses. they don't know shit about their jobs or us, yet expect us to act normal. they should all be trained in ptsd and how to deal with us.
I was arrested as I had said so I am on the "redline" group now. I have to have cops follow me every time i go near the VA. I am considered highly dangerous to the medical staff there. gee imagine that.
I have sought help but I can't tell the idiots anything because i don't trust them. I only trust other vets. I can't help it. civvies are nothing to me. fools. a disgrace. idiots. ignorant. and rude as hell. they deserve anything they get from us angry vets. that's my opinion.
I have so much anger in me that when I was in a hospital one time doing some type of therapy the therapist told me to try it. I warned him it wasn't a good idea. it was me focusing my anger at him holding a pillow. well normal people know when to stop. I nearly killed him. it took 6 men to just get me off of him and sedate me. after that he relapsed on heroin and died of an OD. I have to carry that guilt with me to my grave now too, on top of everything else in I've seen and done, or in some situations not done.
I get along really well with nam vets btw. I lived in a vets house until it was burnt down by the landlord. 21 of us were like family, it was the only real home I felt for a long time. I snapped when it burnt my mind went ballistic. I called the landlord telling him he was dead and i knew he did it. and I'd hunt him to my last breath. he left town that night. our nam vet who was a photographer lost every pic and camera from his tours and crumbled. it broke my heart. i reinlisted after that. got back out after being injured and hung out with another nam vet friend i know. we sat all night at the moving wall talking about every person he had known on that wall. drinking and crying for each one. talking about how he got his knees blown off by enemy fire and how they found a field of weed and the LT. said "burn it" ROFL. ah typical butter bar.
hey anytime you wanna talk my fellow crazy nutter ;) I'm here for yah hooah to your oorah!

 

[Ned]

Oh I could do without Christmas. Except for the real stuff. No adverts, no pressure, just remember that one night in December, long ago.

 

[gibrokedown]

Oh I could do without Christmas. Except for the real stuff. No adverts, no pressure, just remember that one night in December, long ago.

i hate the having to find money to buy my kid presents and since she still believes in santa i have to get more than I would an older kid. it's so hard on a pension. I hate christmas for the whole financial reason and just wish it were a peaceful day too. but what day is peaceful for me anyway lol?