A Groundbreaking Court Decision for Vets With PTSD

[Jimmy1]

Hey mate, the forums can make it worse if you are not in the right frame of mind. Most of the guys have it down to a routine. If they are feeling like shit, they stay off for a couple of days, or not. Its all optional, you don't have to read, but a lot of the items in relationships and medication and therapy can be useful.
The trick really is to start reading and if something starts touching a nerve, turn it off.

You have to be positive too. At least we have a forum thanks to Anthony. Somewhere where only veterans can go.

The only person you have to prove anything to is yourself. You might feel the need to belong or that your not accepted. If thats true, there is nothing (I do mean nothing) you can do to change minds.

I know what Red is saying here. Be happy with who you are and where you have been and what you have achieved and f*ck everybody else.
You don't have to prove yourself to anyone on here. You have PTSD, you are a veteran, that is enough for all of us.
Just suck it up and take up 'Choppers' Motto. Harden the f*ck Up

 

[JarHed]

Did I break down because I was repressing it and needed to let it out? If the last is true (I'd like to hope it's not), I pray to God some point will come where I can feel some version of normal again. My dad doesn't let on that he still has any problems and my mom doesn't say anything, but I've met a lot of VN vets that do, which just makes me dread the long road ahead... Good God that was 40+ years ago! How long do I have left?

Hey SpentRnd

It's a tough road that we're all on. The realization that you've got a problem is the first step on the road to getting better, although it may not seem like it at the moment. I would think that most Nam vets are only beginning to realize that they have PTSD. So, for us it's a big rock to have to push, a lifetime of, in some cases, denial and thinking you just have to suck it up.

I would say this; those of you that are younger are in a better position to actually get to a point where you can have some normalicy in your lives. Time is a big factor. Right now you're closer to the problems than I am to mine. It just makes it a bit harder for me, but not impossible either.

You have to really want to get 'better', if I can use that word. I don't think that you can overcome 100% the effects of PTSD. The forums are a great place to be able to 'vent' and say what you're thinking without being judged by anyone. There is also a wealth of information available about the condition. Knowledge is important in understanding where you are in relation to this thing. Cudos to Anthony for creating a place like this.

It's OK to feel crappy sometime, it's just part of the whole thing. You don't get better in leaps or bounds but in tiny almost imperseptible ways that you're sometimes not even aware of at the time.

You have the time you do; you never truly know what's around the next corner. Be good to yourself. Find something that makes you feel better for a while. But most of all, hang in there; it's a fight but worth it. On the good days I'm glad I'm still alive and kickin'. On the other days, I just do the best I can. Hang in there, my best wishes and prayers go with you.

Semper Fi

Jar

 

[gibrokedown]

reddevil I've tried their idiotic meds they made me sicker. they helped end my last relationship because the med made me a mean as hell person and i nearly knocked my ex out in a grocery store for no reason at all. i just threw a punch for no reason. it was their meds that did that.
as for therapy, lets see I am blackbagged, i can only say certain things. so therapy with a therapist doesn't work. i can't be put under hypnosis because i have ptsd and am labelled dangerous, they don't know what would happen. i find therapists don't have a damn clue about ptsd other than what they've read in a book and have zero empathy for us vets who have it. so why would i trust any of them to tell them anything about me or my life or my situation? as for group therapy well, i don't know how that would work out I can't get into any social situations due to my ptsd being so bad that it's created agoraphobia. i have to be sedated just to go to the store now. or walk out my door. so THIS is my therapy. I do learn alot, but, it doesn't make the ptsd any better. but then again I've not been in a group long enough to bleed the pain dry.

I MUST NOTE: I AM HIGHLY MED SENSITIVE, SO THAT DOES NOT MEAN THAT CERTAIN MEDS CANNOT WORK FOR YOU!. JUST PLEASE BUY A PHYSICIANS DESKTOP REFERENCE GUIDE TO KNOW HOW THE DRUGS AFFECT YOUR SYSTEM. I HAVE JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE AMBIEN THAT HELPS ME SLEEP HAS INCREASED MY BILLIRUBIN LEVELS DRAMATICALLY. NOW IT'S A TOSS UP. DON'T SLEEP OR LET IT DESTROY MY LIVER. :( I HATE NOT SLEEPING, LIVING ISN'T GREAT BUT I HAVE A KID TO WORRY ABOUT. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I'M SO CUMFUZZLED I FEEL LIKE A BLONDE WHO HAS BEEN SPINNING AROUND AND DOESN'T KNOW WHERE SHE IS! THESE FARKING HOLIDAYS DON'T HELP ANY EITHER. OH NOTE: I AM ALSO IN THE PROCESS OF SUING ASTRA ZENEKA FOR THEIR SEROQUEL. IT IS A HIGHLY DANGEROUS MEDICATION HANDED OUT TO US PTSD VICTIMS LIKE CANDY. BEWARE, BE INFORMED. READ ABOUT THE UPDATES OF EVERY MED YOU ARE ON OR THEY WANT TO PUT YOU ON EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!!

 

[gibrokedown]

I'm certainly not claiming i have thee answer, but I would say it's both a defense and an excuse - that's the problem. If a "normal" person can claim temporary insanity for being raped, catching their wife in bed with another man, or not getting the toy in the cereal box, WE ARE FAR BEYOND CAPABLE OF "TEMPORARY INSANITY". The real problem is that desk jockey who does his 7 month PCS to Camp Cupcake and never left the wire but swears he heard an IED in the distance is now claiming PTSD when he should claim dumbassery.

No one knows if you truly weren't in control except you. Since people lie, someone will always think the honest guy is making an excuse and the liar is telling the truth. The only people that might be able to tell are the honest ones, but even then, each case of PTSD is different. I have friends with PTSD, and sometimes their actions don't make sense to me and mine don't make sense to them.

Probably the biggest anger trigger for me is not getting credit. I rated a CAR I never got, and later found out I rated a Purple Heart too. I wasn't really upset about the Purple Heart because I felt it was kind of a cheap injury to get it for. Given the problems I have now, it doesn't seem so cheap, but still not sure if problems are TBI, just more symptoms of PTSD, or both. I'm really not a ribbon chaser, so it didn't bother that much at first. The problem is I'm a person people have a hard time believing was really in combat, so a lot of assumptions are made that frankly, I'd probably make in their position too. It seems more likely to most that I'm a full of shit wanna be. Because I wasn't awarded anything to make it seem more likely I'm the real deal, I either get stuck in the "I've seen more shit than you" game, which is pathetic and only pisses me off more, or in a silent, f*ck you, walking-away rage. It's really gay cuz the only people I don't have to prove it to are the ones who were there with me and a couple who knew me before and can see the change. Since I re-enlisted, all those people are gone and I'm left with other Marines, usually grunts, that I feel normal and at home with except that they don't believe I "rate". If you have to prove it, they'll probably never believe it. If I hung around long enough for them to get to know me, I may not need to prove it. But it takes so long and I get so pissed and have to walk away so much that I don't have a lot of hope for it happening. I like the assumption that I do "rate" here. Thank you for that, and I'm gonna quit rambling now...

this is where historical evidence comes into play. the lawyers will dig into records and find changes in personality, actions etc... that reinforce PTSD behavior. then, look at behavior after release from service. self medication, black outs, hallucinations, guarded behavior, carrying weapons everywhere, or another extreme, never going anywhere at all. losing all contact with everyone. pushing away. anger outbursts, not remembering things they do. etc.. a perfect example of this is the poor young guy in leavenworth for life for killing an escaped prisoner. he had been hallucinating his chaplains head which was blown off in front of him. they had him medded up big. yet. he went to prison for life!!!!! how is is this not an acceptable excuse for release to a mental institution? the kid did what he thought was expected of him in the frame of mind we can only call psychotic. yet. we punished him for being psychotic, in a war zone. kept him on duty!!! and he had been awake, hallucinating, and on major mind controlling meds for days. of course he killed the enemy. wouldn't you have? HE SHOULD NOT BE IN JAIL, HE SHOULD BE GETTING HELP IN MENTAL FACILITY!. HE IS NOT A CRIMINAL. HE IS PSYCHOTIC. THAT IS THE NEXT STEP OF PTSD LADIES AND GENTS. WE ARE ALL BORDERLINE PSYCHOTICS, AND IT DOESN'T TAKE MUCH TO MAKE OUR BRAIN SWITCH GEARS INTO PSYCHOSIS MODE. I HAD A PSYCHOTIC BREAK *THANK GOD ONLY FOR A FEW HOURS* ON MY 35TH BIRTHDAY. IT WAS THE MOST HORRIFIC EXPERIENCE EVER. I COULDN'T REMEMBER WHO I WAS, OR WHO ANYONE AROUND ME WAS, OR WHERE I WAS. I COULDN'T REMEMBER HOW TO BREATHE, OR MOVE. WHAT IF I HAD FELT A THREAT FROM ONE OF THE PEOPLE WITH ME THAT DAY AND HURT THEM? SHOULD I HAVE GONE TO PRISON TO ROT FOR LIFE? ALL BECAUSE I HAD NO CLUE. ALL BECAUSE MY MIND WASN'T THERE? THINK PEOPLE.

 

[gibrokedown]

this is where historical evidence comes into play. the lawyers will dig into records and find changes in personality, actions etc... that reinforce PTSD behavior. then, look at behavior after release from service. self medication, black outs, hallucinations, guarded behavior, carrying weapons everywhere, or another extreme, never going anywhere at all. losing all contact with everyone. pushing away. anger outbursts, not remembering things they do. etc.. a perfect example of this is the poor young guy in leavenworth for life for killing an escaped prisoner. he had been hallucinating his chaplains head which was blown off in front of him. they had him medded up big. yet. he went to prison for life!!!!! how is is this not an acceptable excuse for release to a mental institution? the kid did what he thought was expected of him in the frame of mind we can only call psychotic. yet. we punished him for being psychotic, in a war zone. kept him on duty!!! and he had been awake, hallucinating, and on major mind controlling meds for days. of course he killed the enemy. wouldn't you have? HE SHOULD NOT BE IN JAIL, HE SHOULD BE GETTING HELP IN MENTAL FACILITY!. HE IS NOT A CRIMINAL. HE IS PSYCHOTIC. THAT IS THE NEXT STEP OF PTSD LADIES AND GENTS. WE ARE ALL BORDERLINE PSYCHOTICS, AND IT DOESN'T TAKE MUCH TO MAKE OUR BRAIN SWITCH GEARS INTO PSYCHOSIS MODE. I HAD A PSYCHOTIC BREAK *THANK GOD ONLY FOR A FEW HOURS* ON MY 35TH BIRTHDAY. IT WAS THE MOST HORRIFIC EXPERIENCE EVER. I COULDN'T REMEMBER WHO I WAS, OR WHO ANYONE AROUND ME WAS, OR WHERE I WAS. I COULDN'T REMEMBER HOW TO BREATHE, OR MOVE. WHAT IF I HAD FELT A THREAT FROM ONE OF THE PEOPLE WITH ME THAT DAY AND HURT THEM? SHOULD I HAVE GONE TO PRISON TO ROT FOR LIFE? ALL BECAUSE I HAD NO CLUE. ALL BECAUSE MY MIND WASN'T THERE? THINK PEOPLE.

by the way i hate those ignoranmouses who make us look bad too. the liars who get pensions for nothing. and ride on our coat tails in every sense. but we need to focus on US not them.

 

[Jimmy1]

Hey, Elise.

Its handy to know what medications can do, but don't over read things. All medications say shit as a precaution, so they are protected by law.

You have to give meds a chance and most meds won't ruin your liver in a couple of years. It takes decades.

Really the question you have to ask yourself is..... Do I want temporary relief from the side effects so I can work on my therapy with the hope of living a reasonably manageable life, or do I worry about whats written on the packet.

Psych's and GP's are not that dumb. They do know of the side effects and should warn you of the major ones.

Just my thoughts.

P.S. Did you know that CAPITALIZATION is classed as Yelling, or did your Caps Lock get stuck.

 

[gibrokedown]

Hey, Elise.

Its handy to know what medications can do, but don't over read things. All medications say shit as a precaution, so they are protected by law.

You have to give meds a chance and most meds won't ruin your liver in a couple of years. It takes decades.

Really the question you have to ask yourself is..... Do I want temporary relief from the side effects so I can work on my therapy with the hope of living a reasonably manageable life, or do I worry about whats written on the packet.

Psych's and GP's are not that dumb. They do know of the side effects and should warn you of the major ones.

Just my thoughts.

P.S. Did you know that CAPITALIZATION is classed as Yelling, or did your Caps Lock get stuck.

The caps were on to make a point, i was not in fact yelling. i just wanted that particular aspect to be noticed. that is all if i offended anyone sorry.
as for the meds i have played guinea pig for nearly 20 years now. i have studied them and what they do to the human anatomy because I was studying psych and neurology until my brain damage kicked in so hard in my final year that i couldn't finish due to the majorly severe headaches. however, i have still studied ptsd over the years that have passed and meds and their body affects. ptsd i have books worth of material that i have researched and found it not only shortens life, but causes heart disease, heart attacks, diabetes, and many other life shortening diseases. the meds add to this effect, causing it to move quicker. as for seroquel/by astra zeneka it's not just me suing them, this is a world wide law suit. it causes severe problems to the sugar/insulin parts of the body. it causes many other issues as well that aren't as well known. and as for ambien i don't what to do here. it's the only med that helps me sleep, otherwise i am up for days doing security checks and other stupid shit. paranoid and sick. so my choice is shortened life due to ptsd + ambien increasing my billirubin and eventually weakening my liver to the point it can't clean properly anymore or shortened life due to lack of sleep which will be much shorter by far. due to the cortocortisoids that will majorly course through my body weakening every part of me until kaputt. as i said this is information for everyone. you use it as you wish. i don't force anyone to live in my way. or even believe me. all i ask is every one takes care, and reads and is smart about what they use in their bodies.

 

[SpentRound]

it's the only med that helps me sleep, otherwise i am up for days doing security checks and other stupid shit. paranoid and sick. so my choice is shortened life due to ptsd + ambien increasing my billirubin and eventually weakening my liver to the point it can't clean properly anymore or shortened life due to lack of sleep which will be much shorter by far.

I hope you don't take this as talking down to you cuz I'm not. You've done this much longer than I. I have a tendency to become immune to sleep aids. Ambien knocked me on my ass the first time I took it then never worked again, so my sleep aids bounce around and the ones that work are usually ones I'd never heard of before or aren't primarily used as a sleep aid. There are dozens, maybe hundreds of sleep aids out there and they're always making new ones. It's a pain to sift through them, but it may be worth it to do again every couple of years. There may be something that works better or almost as good with less side effects. Encourage your doctor to think outside the box. One of my most reliable sleep aids is just a muscle relaxant and I originally got it prescribed for a completely unrelated reason.

 

[gibrokedown]

I hope you don't take this as talking down to you cuz I'm not. You've done this much longer than I. I have a tendency to become immune to sleep aids. Ambien knocked me on my ass the first time I took it then never worked again, so my sleep aids bounce around and the ones that work are usually ones I'd never heard of before or aren't primarily used as a sleep aid. There are dozens, maybe hundreds of sleep aids out there and they're always making new ones. It's a pain to sift through them, but it may be worth it to do again every couple of years. There may be something that works better or almost as good with less side effects. Encourage your doctor to think outside the box. One of my most reliable sleep aids is just a muscle relaxant and I originally got it prescribed for a completely unrelated reason.

that's normal for both ambien and ativan sadly. i have the same issue with them. however i can't take muscle relaxants i am allergic.

 

[SpentRound]

gibrokedown:
That sucks. I'm fortunate to not be allergic to much, but the idea is still true. May not be a muscle relaxant but keep trying - there's something out there. Although I'm just discovering that my old sleep aids aren't strong enough to counter the new meds they've put me on. So I guess we both will be searching...

 

[gibrokedown]

gibrokedown:
That sucks. I'm fortunate to not be allergic to much, but the idea is still true. May not be a muscle relaxant but keep trying - there's something out there. Although I'm just discovering that my old sleep aids aren't strong enough to counter the new meds they've put me on. So I guess we both will be searching...

i have what's called med sensitivity. I'm allergic to whole categories of meds. anti-depressants, anti-psychotics, most anti-migraine meds. it blows. i can only stick with the basics. i've had such severe reactions that I've come close to kicking the bucket from them. oh well. god wants me to deal without them i guess. and to find new and other ways. maybe ill find new ways to heal and pass it on to the masses. ;)

 

[Barberian]

My opinion. Is PTSD as an excuse for (fill in the blank)? No. A mitigating circumstance? Most definatly. While I never had to engage in hand to hand combat or kill someone face to face, I did extensively train myself mentaly for that posibility. In my mind it was not just a posibility, it was an inevitablility. My first command I was on an anti-terrorist/counter-terrorist team. This put me in a mindset of being able to kill somone without hesitation if needed which is still with me to this day. I have an OCD slant to my personality, when I do something, I can easily go overboard with it. I ran scenerio after scenerio through my head to condition myself so I wouldn't hesitate to kill if needed. The first one to hesitate to kill is the dead one.

Fast forward to today. I have to seriously watch for triggers when I'm stressed out. I have many a fantasy about killing ex-coworkers, bosses, that f*cker that is standing in line too close to me at Wal-Mart, etc. When I flip out, I have NO control over what I am doing. I WANT to kill someone, at the time I feel I HAVE to kill someone, just about ANYONE who is physicaly close to me. In my mind the pain is the source of my flip-out, The source of the pain must die so I may live. Luckily I've only lost it that bad a few times in the last several years, and that has been in the "safety" of my home and my wife was smart enough to stay well away until well after I calmed down.

Would I accept the "punishment" of prison if I kill somoene? Yes. People today have gotten into the mindset that prisons are to "punish" someone. They also are there to separate the "bad" and dangerous people from the "good" people. If I am such a menace to society that I kill people outside the acceptable exceptions of the law, I deserve to be separated from society.

My hope is that anyone who is a vet, who suffers from PTSD is given the best help that "modern medicine" can provide, not just toss him/her into the animal pit of todays prisons. We deserve better than that. Intensive inpatient mental health care and probation with mental health care stipulations.