Hello, Sunday In Seattle And Its Been Raining For Days

[woodsie]

intro;

was in the ANG and the AF when activated. OIF veteran, worked nights, worked security, seen death destruction slave trade plane crashes prisoner abuse. just trying to make it thru the holidays. officially left the military in march '11 but, didnt really have much to do with them after my deployment in '08 during "troop surge" in Baghdad. upon returning my base gave us a couple months off, in hindsight i think was the incorrect thing to do because a lot of us fell apart; car accidents, fights, one guy robbed a store with a gun, nother person shot someone, drugs attempted suicides etc..

i am in therapy, am service connected, take meds, have a good job, recently bought a house. and am having a seriously hard time not too drop out of this world. recently saw my doc, told him everything i was feeling and he said he was thinking about committing me and i kind of lost it. broke down crying and carrying on. do not think i can handle being locked up. i talked myself out of it and said i'd be alright till my next appt.

got pretty wasted on friday, been fine and not drinking anything. then fall off the deep end, get smashed and dont make it to work or late as hell. and then i feel all guilty and my boss rides me hard and micro manages me. i have visions of tweaking and smashing my computer thru the window and telling him to f*ck off. but, then realize this is ridiculous and without this job, i am truly nothing and will lose it all.

this is a tough path to follow, lots of people in my life kind of get it others try, including my GF. but, how is any of it fair to anyone. i'm zoning out, this is the end of my intro.

woodsie.

 

[steve1]

Welcome Woodsie, Your story is similar to many of us. The cycle of rage, substance abuse, etc. I went through a decade of self-destructive behaviour. You gotta get help. Preferably someone familiar with PTSD. VA staff are trained to help people like us. There is lots of good info on here as well. You not alone on this "rollercoaster" of craziness. The most important thing is what you've started to do, that is you've realized that there's a problem and have started to get help. There are a lot of stuff available like therapy, meds, groups, etc to help you win this battle. Good luck.

 

[Chin Strapped]

Booze blues, alcohol wipes me out these days. One big night out equals a week of depression; might learn one day.

Welcome Woodsie.

 

[Fargo1]

Welcome Woodsie,
As I say too frequently not glad to see you, but glad you made it. This road that we are on is a hard, long road. Since you mentioned that you are on medications, you might want to reevaluate you medications with your doc. Not all drugs work on all people. As you will note as you read through the forum, some guys have a constant struggle with getting the both the right med and the right dose.

Ultimately the meds only help keeping the symptoms at bay. Therapy is what teaches you the tools to avoid/handle the triggers and mitigate the Beast.

Hang tough brother.

 

[Sarg]

Woodsie, welcome to the fold. You might also consider the Vet Center. They have one on one's, mostly with Vets themselves and group. Yours is located here: Link Removed

Also, the alcohol can play hell with your meds as your system bounces up and down with the binges. I'm an alcoholic, I know.

The question I would ask the Doc, is what kind of commitment? Some "commitments" these days are in open wards, where one could walk the grounds freely. Our VA in Tucson, AZ. has a program there where this is the case. If you find out it's not a prison-like internment, you might consider it, and go voluntarily. You preserve a number of your rights that way.

That way they can monitor your meds, get you under some measure of control and ready to go back to work. No one's the wiser at work cause it's confidential medical information.

Just some suggestions...

Sarg

 

[Jimmy1]

Welcome Woodsie, if you didn't want help you would not be here. You have made the first step and there are a heap of guys on here to help you.

 

[reddevil1111]

Welcome to the forum. Its not easy but with time and help things CAN get better. Deep breath and keep trying. You need to talk to a therapist asap brother. Go get the help you need. Good luck!

 

[Spock]

Hey Wood, Welcome. You retired one year before I did. AFRC is a shit hole and old boy's network that is incapable of supporting wounded warriors. I know the Guard is just as bad. AF & Navy are far behind the other services who are too far behind as well. I have several battle buddies that have shared the abuse of combat wounded Guard & Reserve. So, it is good you got out and better you're seeking treatment now. Stay safe, stay strong.

 

[Ned]

Evening Woodsie

 

[woodsie]

Would like to say thank you to all for a warm welcome. Today was an ok day, spent with my girl..pit bull whippet mix named penny. She's a good girl and knows when I'm down. She's not a service dog but, might as well be. She lives for fetch and my crock pot concoctions. Today is Xmas, albeit only for a few more hours. I changed the oil in my truck, stoked the wood stove most of the day (my primary heat source) and just tinkered around the house. With small fetch sessions

I hope you and all your loved ones and maybe even some of the people you can't quite stand to listen to. Had a decent prospective holiday(s)

Woodsie out.

 

[OldDoorGunner]

intro;

was in the ANG and the AF when activated. OIF veteran, worked nights, worked security, seen death destruction slave trade plane crashes prisoner abuse. just trying to make it thru the holidays. officially left the military in march '11 but, didnt really have much to do with them after my deployment in '08 during "troop surge" in Baghdad. upon returning my base gave us a couple months off, in hindsight i think was the incorrect thing to do because a lot of us fell apart; car accidents, fights, one guy robbed a store with a gun, nother person shot someone, drugs attempted suicides etc..

i am in therapy, am service connected, take meds, have a good job, recently bought a house. and am having a seriously hard time not too drop out of this world. recently saw my doc, told him everything i was feeling and he said he was thinking about committing me and i kind of lost it. broke down crying and carrying on. do not think i can handle being locked up. i talked myself out of it and said i'd be alright till my next appt.

got pretty wasted on friday, been fine and not drinking anything. then fall off the deep end, get smashed and dont make it to work or late as hell. and then i feel all guilty and my boss rides me hard and micro manages me. i have visions of tweaking and smashing my computer thru the window and telling him to f*ck off. but, then realize this is ridiculous and without this job, i am truly nothing and will lose it all.

this is a tough path to follow, lots of people in my life kind of get it others try, including my GF. but, how is any of it fair to anyone. i'm zoning out, this is the end of my intro.

woodsie.

Hi woodside, I am new here as well. This a good place to be, lots of Brothers and Sisters to talk with...I take it you are dealing with the VA? If this is a YES, here is something you need to think about. The Doc saying he's "thinking about committing me"! You need to know this if you like to own guns and go shooting, you could very well have that right taken away from you.....Do Not trust the VA in this, it has happened to others.

I was going to go for inpatient treatment for my PTSD in Denver.....NOT!! I found out about this and told my counsler that I was now not going and had him put it in my file; that I was not going because I did not want any of my rights taken away from me!!! My counsler owns guns and likes to go shoot as well. So he understands why I did this. He gets angry about it, because a lot of us vets will not go for the inpatient treatment because of this BULL SHIT.

Find a good counsler at a Vet Center, or a local CBOC. I don't need some ante gunner shrink putting me on a list, so I have to give up my guns. Note: if they do this, my wife owns some guns as well, they will take her's as well. They can not be in the house, even if you have a gun safe and I don't know the code to open it.....I am getting all the help I need from my counsler at the local CBOC....You also get good help a the Vet Center. They open a new one in Federal Way, WA a year or so ago......

By the way, the wife and I moved to NM from Seattle area 4 years ago. My wife was born in Seattle and grew up on Vashon Island.....

J R

 

[woodsie]

i gave up on firearms bout 5yrs ago but, i do want the option when i feel; either it is going to be a necessity and or i am comfortable again. whichever comes first..

my plan is to hang out here and work and save when i can, sell the house and hopefully by then it'll be worth something. move back to the northeast to Vermont (originally from Massachusetts) score some land, maybe build something and call that home for a bit/the end of my traveling!

back to the grind, look busy everyone. places, places people..