I Started As A Carer But Now I'm Confusued Am I Suffering Too?

[CCurry]

Hi All,

Some of you may have read my past posts and know that I came on this site for help dealing with my bf who has combat pstd. He's been on a downslope and I wanted to join a forum where I can learn more so that I can be a source of support for him. Having said all of that, I've been dealing with my own past issues (hard to write now) but I'm just going to blurt it out. I was molested by an older brother for years and what's worse is when I finally got the courage to tell my parents at the age of 18 they at first didn't believe me and then when they realized it was true they did NOTHING. They said "boys will be boys" and what's more gave him a huge 21st Bday party and bought him a ticket to Europe (all expenses paid). Am I bitter about that? You better believe it!!

I cannot even begin to compare my pstd with some others but some of the things that I experience on a regular basis are and wondering IF I actually might have a mild case of it:

Anxiety when I can't get a hold of my BF or my teenage kids. It is SO severe that I feel utter imminent sense that my life is totally going to change (in a bad way). FYI, most of this anxiety comes from my BF who is a pilot and works for the UN...in the past 3 1/2 years that we've been together, he's been shot in the chest area(suffered collapsed lung), combat in Nepal (hand to hand combat) and some more of it in Haiti. He's retired from the Army but hooks up with the military when he goes over to these place--he's an adrenaline junkie.

The only other symptom that I have is I'm extremely paranoid that even when my bf tells me that he loves me I fear he'll change his mind. When he goes missing for hours (with his own ptsd) I always think he's fallen out of love with me and wants to end our relationship. This sends me spiralling into a depression.

I know my past molestation has caused some issues but now I'm wondering if the end result is me ending up with some ptsd?

Carmela

 

[BethRSA]

I'm glad you came here for your boyfriend and wanting to help him. That's great! :thumbs-up

I'm sorry that you were molested and felt so alone that you couldn't tell anyone. Then, when you finally did tell them, they didn't care or do anything. That is definitely frustrating!:wall:

It's possible that you could have PTSD, but many other disorders have similar symptoms. It's good to see a professional instead of self-diagnosing. Please make an appointment to see one. It's difficult (and/or impossible) to start working to fix a problem if you don't know what it is.

Hang in there. :Hug_emoticon: Beth

 

[SunnyBrookFarm]

I am also sorry you were abused as a child - you will find that quite a few of us suffer from PTSD due to childhood abuse (physical, sexual, emotional etc.). It is possible that you have PTSD - but I agree with Beth that you truly should seek out a professional that can help you with a proper diagnosis and so that you can begin healing from your childhood and to help the anxiety that you have now. It's difficult to know which direction to go - if you don't have a proper diagnosis.

I'm glad you are reaching out and recognizing that you need help is a huge (and scary) step.

We are here anytime you want to talk.

 

[CCurry]

Thanks guys, I know I really shouldn't diagnose myself and in fact maybe I just have anxiety over my parents lack of support.

I really should go back into therapy about this to see if I can get an actual diagnosis.

I always thought my reactions to these fears might be outside of the norm.

Carmela

 

[Deleted member 541]

Your parents, could have been my mother.....I too, was molested by both of my brothers, I was also gang raped at 16 when I was drunk one night......I got over being angry a long time ago, I spent to much energy hating everyone and everything, so I *let it go*..... I hope that one day you can too......It really does help..

I agree that you need to be diagnosed by a Psychiatrist. Self diagnosis is never a good thing. I hope for your sake, that you don't have PTSD, cause it really sucks.......

Hang in there...

 

[CCurry]

Hi She Cat,

It sounds like you've been through your own hell. I still hold a lot of anger toward my parents. About 5 years ago, we were having a family dinner and in conversation about raising children he says that if he had to do it all over again he would not change a single thing about how he raised us.

I flew into a rage, I could not believe he said that. They were the most controlling parents I've ever come across and to top it off extremely unsupportive in any aspect of my life most especially my molestation. They still think the sun rises over him BUT I have stood my ground and have refused to see him for years. Wow, if my daughter told me the same thing had happened to her, I'd move heaven and earth to get her help but I know I'm hyper-sensitive about this topic.

Anyway, at some point soon I really need to address this in therapy.
Thanks for listening.

 

[a3a2]

I am sorry, CCurry, for the abuse, and for your parents lack of support. My parents reaction was similar. It minimalized my feelings and made me feel as if I deserved the molestation. For me, my parent's reaction was nearly as damaging as the molestation itself, and I have a difficult time separating them.

I certainly can't say whether or not you have PTSD, but you seem like a pretty good candidate. I hope you will seek an answer and support.

Take care.

 

[CCurry]

I could relate to the "deserved the molestation" comment. My parents could not understand why I just wouldn't say no and how I let it continue. To be quite honest, I couldn't answer them. If this was repeated I would have stopped him the first time but I was about 9 years old when he started.

They still think this is no big deal and always make me feel bad that their Xmas is ruined because ALL of their family cannot be together as I refuse to see him at all.

 

[Butigotup]

I think everyone is right in saying you need to get a professional diagnosis, but I want to say one thing...

Wow. You just said this out loud, and I get the sense you haven't done that much before? Congratulations. That takes a lot of strength. Go, Carmela! It has less power over you, sometimes, when you can talk about it.

I should know. Your story is a lot like mine. An awful lot. When I finally confronted my brother about what had happened when I was a kid, he admitted everything and begged me never to tell anyone else. When I finally told my father, he said "people change. Don't ever bring this up again," and proceded to move to live closer to my brother so that he would help take care of my parents as they age. He acted as though I should be happy to get together with my brother whenever and wherever my father pleased.

I have little relationship with them now, but it's healthier that way. And I don't have PTSD from it -- though I have had symptoms from my reactions, it doesn't amount to PTSD -- but I think most of us who have been abused can at least relate to what PTSD sufferers go through on some level. And i wonder what percentage of us carers were abused in some way ourselves. Anecdotally, from what we see here, it seems like a fair number of us.

Congratulations on speaking out. You're very strong.

 

[Grainne]

Agreed on the need to get a professional diagnosis, and kudos to you for speaking out!! I have a hard time with that myself so I know how much it can take to actually get the words in print...good for you!

As for your parents, there is no excuse for their behaviour, but, it may just be their way of coping with such horrible news. My father was extremely abusive to me for the entire time we shared our space and is fully aware of his actions (he still tells stories of how he abused me to anyone who will listen as if they are personal victories) BUT, when directly questioned, will deny every single instance of 'abuse'. He figures it's not 'abusive' to throw an 8 year old across the room if she 'asked for it" etc. He has looked at me with absolute shock and torture in his eyes and said "I would NEVER have hurt my kids!!!!" which fills me with...what? Idk...disbelief? It leaves me lost for words...how he could do, what he did, only to vindicate himself in the end...to me. Blows me away.

To have been molested, and to have told...and then dismissed? I feel for you. xo
Congrats on finding your voice in this. Keep moving forward and take good care of yourself.

 

[becvan]

Lot's of carers tend to mimic our symptoms after awhile. Being around us also tends to dig up any unfinished business you have. You might not have anything at all, just unfinished business and some anxiety.

Honestly, it doesn't sound like PTSD. Having previous abnormal trauma and anxiety does not automatically mean that a person has PTSD.

I would highly suggest going to therapy and dealing with your past. Also try to build up a support system for yourself for dealing with your BF.

bec

 

[CCurry]

Lot's of carers tend to mimic our symptoms after awhile. Being around us also tends to dig up any unfinished business you have. You might not have anything at all, just unfinished business and some anxiety.

Honestly, it doesn't sound like PTSD. Having previous abnormal trauma and anxiety does not automatically mean that a person has PTSD.

I would highly suggest going to therapy and dealing with your past. Also try to build up a support system for yourself for dealing with your BF.

bec

Hi Bec,

Yes I realize I need to get some outside professional opinions. For all I know it really could just be anxiety and some paranoia. There must be tons of people who have that and not have experienced any childhood trauma.

There was a HUGE part of me that did not want to write about my "trauma" when I know there is SO much worse out there. I've read it here, I see my bf with severe ptsd and so I know what it looks like.

I have gone to therapy about my past but I cannot seem to get closure on this very issue. It's been awhile since I've been so maybe I need to revisit this with my therapist.

Carmela