Do sex jokes or sexual "humor" upset you?

[Deleted member 12723]

I have a car and do not use public transportation yet, although it may be in my distant future so I will arrange to get some head phones because that kind of talk is ugly to me and I have never liked it at all.

 

[Changing4Best]

I'm fine with sexual jokes.

HOWEVER

it sounds like these men were degrading women.

That is no joke...

Yes, one of them mentioned, for instance, that a redhead he knew could not hold her alcohol. She went to open his fridge door and "melted into the floor." (There was a redhead sitting right behind him on the bus).

 

[The Albatross]

@SheilaKathy who said, "Well, since you and I are both of the same faith, I think I shall quote the Bible verse in my thoughts on this subject..."

I think it is important to note that the bawdy stories, jokes were within ear shot of you but were not directed at or to you at least not that you described above. It is unfortunate that you were seated and stuck in that situation for the duration of the trip. But whether you choose offense or not is up to you.

I have worked in an all male field in the military, my own father was notorious for his heavily sexualized jokes, stories and comments (which totally embarrassed, upset and morified me), and I have worked with many male elderly who aren't appropriate by todays standards but who were risqué. I was often picked to care for those difficult ones because of the number of women CNAs, HHAs, Hospice Aids or agency caregivers who chose offense. To me, though it can make me uncomfortable, it is just "guy talk" unless it is a direct comment or joke of a sexual nature to or about me.

Biblically -To me, it is better to embrace patience and longsuffering rather cultivate being offended. (Galatians 5:22, "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness") Longsuffering/Patient endurance. God has been patient with us and we are to be patient with others (1 Thessalonians 5:14: "We urge you, brethren, admonish the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone.")

Further we are to be in the world but not of it... and we are called to "Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone," Col. 4:5-6(NIV).

Your question was: Would this kind of thing have upset you too, or am I just too sensitive?
To which I answered no. As to whether or not you are "just too sensitive" - I didn't even go there, however by your reply to me it suggests yes.

 

[Changing4Best]

@SheilaKathy who said, "Well, since you and I are both of the same faith, I thi...

Well, I didn't say a word to them. That was for sure. As to it being directed to or at me, it could have been, because I have spoken out against this kind of thing to someone who went to one or both of these men and told them what I said. I know this, because the day after I did so, I heard about what a "back stabber" I am in the 3rd person, as mentioned to someone else in my earshot. Never mind that one of them had already been speaking about me behind my back, the fact that I had done so in my own defense later on was "not OK" in the eyes of one of these men. So there is a double standard here. It is OK for him to talk a bunch of crap behind my back about me, but for me to defend my honor is not OK, or so it seems anyway.

Maybe I am a sensitive soul, but I think I would rather be that than insensitive, which is what these men are to my way of thinking.

And you know, my father had been in the military too. He was a rather course individual as well sometimes, but he knew how to behave around a LADY. He was a plumber by trade, so you can imagine how course he could be sometimes. However, he chose the correct times and places to be that way, and on a bus ride with ladies present would not have been one of them.

 

[The Albatross]

I think it is an unrealistic expectation to think that men will behave around a lady. But carry on. I'm off this topic.

 

[illusionist]

I don't believe you are being sensitive @SheilaKathy .....these men lack common decency by the sounds of it.....a time and a place for these kinds of conversations IMO..... Not on a bus.

 

[Changing4Best]

I don't believe you are being sensitive @SheilaKathy .....these men lack common...

Thanks, I needed that! I know that these days, compared to maybe about 50 years ago, some folks will find this OK and some won't. 50 years ago, most would have found it offensive, I believe. 50 years ago, I would probably have felt uneasy at the least and offended at the greatest. Today, I guess because I am older and wiser, I know that this kind of thing goes on in the world, but I also know that I am not required to like it or condone it. I don't need to laugh at such jokes, for instance. That is not a requirement, as it just encourages the offenders to joke in a similar manner even more. So I stay silent. I keep my peace. And I do what I can behind the scenes, so that others need not be offended in the future.

As a result of my complaining to a person in a position of authority, we at the Senior Center will be having a lecture from Adult Protective Services on Bullying. Maybe that will help and maybe it won't. Time will tell....

 

[illusionist]

Sheila.....my man works in an all male environment, probably even joins in with the jokes and comments, but I know for sure that he would be the first to say something.....and he certainly isn't sensitive, but has respect for those around him.

I totally understand why you don't approach them.....hopefully this can be sorted out.

 

[Changing4Best]

Sheila.....my man works in an all male environment, probably even joins in with the jokes and comme...

Yes, I think it might take a man to get this thing sorted out. Our Director is a woman and these men have no respect for women, that is clear. The man in charge of all the Senior Centers in our district may be the one who ultimately has to talk with these men personally, to get to the bottom of this. However, at this time, one step at a time is being taken. Whichever step works is the one that will be the last, however many steps that will take.

@SheilaKathy who said, "Well, since you and I are both of the same faith, I thi...

I assumed that since we both have quoted the Bible on this Forum that we are both members of the Christian faith. If I assume incorrectly, I don't know what to say. If we are members of different denominations, that was not what I was referring to.

At this point, I will simply agree to disagree upon the issue at hand. We each have our own viewpoint, and if it were just myself that were being bothered by this, I would probably suffer in silence. However, since others are suffering because of it too, I cannot in my right mind stay silent. I had to speak out on their behalf and I do not at all regret having done so.

I am glad that you can be there for those that need you who are this way. That is commendable. I am impressed by that. Carry on!

 

[Changing4Best]

I had a conversation with an upstanding member of my church who is a Dr. and also one of our church leaders. He had some interesting viewpoints on this. He said that we all have to live in community somehow, even with folks that cause us not to want to do so. I mentioned that I have prayed for this man, for good things for him like: "Health, well being, happiness and success in life." He agreed that, that was a good thing to do. He also agreed that it will probably take a man to ultimately handle this.

I'm feeling better about the situation anyway. I am relieved by reading several posts here that I am not alone in the way I feel about this situation. I hate being the only one who disagrees with something!

 

[Changing4Best]

I wonder what men who talk like this around ladies think? Do they think at all about how their conversation(s) will affect others? Are they aware that they might be making some people, especially the ladies present, uncomfortable? I wonder.... I wonder if they are aware of it, do they care, or are they doing it on purpose, just to make people uncomfortable?

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

They can upset me if it's being directed towards me or someone who can't speak up for themselves, especially after being directly asked to stop. Otherwise, it's more of an annoyance that's uncomfortable for me, and I have to figure out how to navigate the feelings it stirs up within myself rather than trying to constantly focus on changing everyone else's behavior to make me more comfortable...because after a while of trying from that angle...it becomes more stress and energy than I need to be taking on. I can only successfully be the boss of me, and that alone is more than a handful and keeps me quite busy, not to mention entertained.