@Lost Marbles . Yes that is what's happened. I haven't given up on myself, though, I am a very tenacious soul. I just have a lot more work to do to get the appropriate supports and assistance and treatment for a time, a concentrated time, before my functionality will improve. It's not the end of the line, it's just the beginning of a concerted effort to obtain what's needed and I can't work or study until the necessary recovery is achieved. It is what it is. I'm just grateful I'm still alive, for if there's still breath there's hope, I believe.
What I do know about myself is that I'm incredible durable and more resilient and commited than not. I know this because I've achieved so much, under incredibly stressful and oftentimes abusive circumstances and I remain a person of integrity, honesty and inner resourcefulness.
It takes a strong will and determination and persistence and enough motivation and self-regard to keep going, do what one can do for oneself and don't give up searching for the right supports.
Like you, I've had a lot of the shabby, not-care by professionals that have a duty of care and I know how breaking and damaging that can be, but hang in there! Keep speaking you truth and just don't give up, on yourself or your quest to get what you need for recovery. I hope you are tapping in inside of yourself, giving yourself the care you can and accepting what you can't yet do, because it's a journey and it can take many years.
At least you have the resource of the internet, much of my worst years of suffering I only had my faith and determination. Oftentimes we are much more enduring and resourceful then we realize til we are pushed to the absolute limit and have to dig, deep inside ourselves to find the strength and wit to keep going.
