New year

[Faketan]

I get slot of anxiety leading up to the New Year as I have had lots of bad experiences on this date. I'm feeling super anxious right now and imhave really bad headaches. I'm projecting more than usual on my partner. Being aware of it seems to make no difference, I will just forget in a moment and react and not till afterwards realise I have overreacted. I feel taurmented and just don't know how to go forward, I don't want to ruin the weekend and I don't want to be feel like this but it creeps up on my, I'm trying so hard.

Anyone got any tips?

Thanks

 

[Gamereign555]

Close your eyes and take a breath, now open them and realized that today’s not that day that everything is OK. You really are in a safe place now.

I think what I will do is what everybody else does and that’s pick a resolution for the new year and also maybe I will think of a goal and things that I want to accomplish this year, things that might make this year a little less stressful for me. Something that I want to change and maybe combine it with that goal.

It’s OK to relax now, just relax for a bit and realize that it’s going to take a little longer to undo some of the angst that’s built up in you right now. You are in an OK place now and that you have to convince your body of it too.

 

[Faketan]

Close your eyes and take a breath, now open them and realized that today’s not that day that ever...

I fully failed at being Calm at new yeat. I ruined my partners night and his friends. I don’t know how to now deal with the Shame. I did really try not to be affected and to stay calm but I didn’t in the end. I’m just an embarrassment and like my partner says I just make people miserable

 

[EveHarrington]

I think it’s time for a new partner.

Hugs.

 

[Gamereign555]

New Year’s was hard for me too. Major problems with family. Once I put it out there that I’ll help one of them, it seems like they just want to pull me into their world’s which are really messed up.

It’s very stressful even just trying to help a little bit. I guess that means I should just not bother.

 

[Suzetig]

I did really try not to be affected and to stay calm but I didn’t in the end. I’m just an embarrassment and like my partner says I just make people miserable

It sounds like you reacted in a way you didn't want to - we are each responsible for how we react and deal with our own triggers, as difficult as that may be in the moment. Can you identify what it was that triggered the over-reaction on your part and link that back to whatever your original trauma is? From there you can look at how you reacted and put strategies in place to help keep your feet on the floor.

For example, I know that packing up to go on holiday triggers all sorts of feelings in me which then can spill into really angry behaviours. So I always try to pack over a period of time, not at the last minute, I don't let anyone else do it for me - being in control of that task helps me. My husband has a list of tasks that he literally ticks off for me so I can see what's been done and actually locking up the house is my job.

At each stage I remind myself that I'm doing something that makes me feel anxious, that while the feeling is real, I'm safe and secure, I build in time for self care and practice grounding strategies, I'll also use medication if I need to. The source of the anxiety is outwith my control but how I respond to is is fully in my control.

I don't know whether you need a new partner or not, only you know how much your over reaction was and everyone has a limit to what they can cope with. Give yourself some space to work through what's going on for you - to really unpick it and identify what you can do to lessen the reaction you have.

 

[Faketan]

I do often realise when I’m triggered and I do openly say it. I think a lot of problem is I don’t back down, if I feel offended I will say it. My partner on the other hand is the same so he will also when he is offended but he will then treat me as if I have done something terrible for about a whole day, even if I have apologised keeping contact from me, telling me im annoying and irritating him that day, then once I have had enough an end up ‘loosing my head’ I will remove my self and tell him why’s but he won’t accept that and keep going at me often getting more angry with me then that’s it i starts being the same.

I just can’t tell if I’m a bad person or not