Relationship Provoking

[Supervixn]

Do you feel that your sufferer provokes you into reactions or fights? If so, what are your theories as to why?

 

[Sweetpea76]

Sure... Sometimes.

Most of the time it's a stress reaction. *Boom* instant piss off. He's lashing out to hurt before he gets hurt. Sometimes it seems like a deflection tactic to refocus attention off himself. Other times when he's symptomatic and has been stewing in his own juices, he'll have been chewing on some kind of slight or injury he feels I'm responsible for. Eventually he boils over and lets me have it. He loves to get self righteous when he's in that mode. Sometimes he picks a fight just like any Average Joe because that's what happens in relationships when people are in close quarters and irritate each other.

Hes not typically an ass by nature, so I take his nitpicking and attempts to provoke fights as a flashing caution sign. "Caution: PTSD Ahead".

 

[LuckiLee]

I swear sometimes he does it just so he can storm out of the house. Actually doing me a favor. And ditto everything @Sweetpea76 said.

 

[Freida]

LOL Crap - @leehalf beat me to it!!! yea... been there..done that... And sometimes I just need the distraction to get out of my own head. Which really sucks because I have a hubby who flat out refuses to fight with me when I'm in that mood. Seriously --- does he not get his role in this drama??

 

[Sighs]

All the freaking time. I have NO idea why he does it. TBH I'm over him picking and pushing until he finally gets a reaction and then blaming me for the reaction.

 

[LuckiLee]

@Sighs. I never know what that ^^^is.
Gaslighting? Manipulation? ... I do know it's the train to crazy town though.

 

[LuckiLee]

@Freida. I always wonder why doesn't he just say he needs a break for a couple hours? Nope. Gotta have a stupid argument first.

 

[Hojay]

Yes. Sometimes I get the feeling he's doing that to let off steam and general anxiety, as in finding the first best thing to latch onto and let it all out. It's baffling really what he can pick up, misconstrue, and turn into a fight. I'm not too worried about that though. I can get the same way when I'm PMSing (sorry, TMI) Shits just NOT rational sometimes...

 

[dulcia]

He's lashing out to hurt before he gets hurt. Sometimes it seems like a deflection tactic to refocus attention off himself.

^Yessssss. Plus due to his own securities flaring up. At least, that was my hypothesis...

 

[Snowflakes]

My sufferers therapist says that she gets a notion in her head, then stews about it for a while till it’s a doozy of a story, then unleashes it on me. I’m left standing there like a deer caught in headlights wondering what’s going to run me over. Pretty similar to what @Sweetpea76 wrote in her post. At first I defended and argued. Now I simply call her on it and walk away.

 

[Sighs]

@Snowflakes - I've noticed my vet takes at least 10 minutes from harmless incident to crazy reaction. What the hell goes on in his head in that timeframe must be one hell of a shitstorm.

@leehalf - it's no coincidence that for the first time in my life I'm on anti-anxiety / antidepressants!

 

[Supervixn]

Follow up question: how does this behavior make you feel and, keeping in mind the nature of this illness, how do you best suggest we correct it?