Medical Health Providers

[whiteraven]

I have had multiple traumatic issues with medical providers of all kinds. Many, many problems, but I'm not sure when the medical industry became triggering to the point of panic, dread, and the inability to function. There are too many things to go into details, and they've left me completely distrustful of anyone in the medical community.

My preference would be never to see another provider of any sort ever again. They have made me sicker in nearly every instance, they have no interest in figuring out the cause of my medical issues and just throw pills or instructions/statements--like "push through the pain," and "it's the depression," etc.--at me. They've given me--repeatedly--incorrect and dangerous info at times, prescribed meds at doses so high I had long-term and permanent affects from them, have been completely dismissive of symptoms that ended up putting me in the hospital, etc. I could go on for pages.

I have diabetes, and I ran out of meds about a month ago. I haven't been able to maintain a diet, because the last almost 3 months have been a shitshow, and I tend to use food to comfort/ease the emotional distress. Awhile after I ran out of meds, I scheduled an appointment with a new provider (woman, nurse). It's the first week in February, and I DON'T WANT TO GO. My anxiety has been high since I made the appointment, and I've been going through possible conversations/questions since so I am prepared for anything. I always do this, but at times like this, it's much worse.

See, I don't really care if I die from whatever I could have. I don't care about the diabetes, and I have already stopped seeing the provider who managed the fibro.

I'm not sure what I need, but maybe if anyone has similar feelings/concerns and ways they have dealt with it, I'd love to hear.

 

[Jenni]

Reading what you wrote, it’s clear you’ve tried to get help many times and were met with dismissal, harm, and being ignored instead. Experiences like that don’t just fade they change how a person feels in their body and mind. It makes sense that panic shows up now and that going back feels unbearable.

When you say you don’t care anymore, I don’t hear indifference. I hear exhaustion. I hear someone who cared for a very long time and paid a very high price for it. Shutting down can feel like the only way to survive when hope keeps getting crushed.

You’re not weak for coping however you can. You’re not broken for not wanting to go. And you’re not wrong for wanting to protect yourself after everything you’ve been through.

None of this means you failed. It means you were hurt deeply and you’re still here, doing the best you can with what you have right now.

 

[arfie]

my last medical checkup was 1995. in the early 90's i started with just boycotting insurance and trying to pay for medical visits out-of-pocket. the providers were uniformly rude at the very notion. in the 30 years hence, i have gotten progressively worse. since covid, the smell of antiseptic has been triggering panic attacks.

i am not even confident i have found the words to describe ^it^, far less come up with solutions more effective than avoidance.

surgical masks and antiseptic smells don't seem to be getting any easier to handle. schedule appointments, complete with insurance info? please tell me you are kidding.

 

[Sideways]

Your feelings about medical appointments make perfect sense given your experiences. Not wanting to go to this appointment, despite needing to go, makes sense.

Practical strategies that are helpful for me with medical appointments I really want to avoid:
- narrow the goal right down (for example, ‘I’m just going to get a prescription’)
- taking written notes (I’ve been known to simply hand over written dot points at medical appointments to get the bulk of communication done as easily for me as possible)
- give yourself permission to walk out if you need to.

Hopefully something there resonates. In a few weeks from now, this appointment will be behind you, and your diabetes will be managed again. You got this.