I have been in and out of mental hospitals multiple times each time longer than the other, the first time i was in one its was a week and a half before i got my first and only visitor i in there for months, i was then put back in hospital 4 months later for 7 months straight spanning over christmas and my birthday i did not get one messages, phone call or visitor of those 7 months.
My first time was because i had tried to kill myself shortly after being raped, i had already been struggling long before that but it was the final straw. So i waited till everyone was out or asleep and tried to hang myself in the barn, but it snapped i had blacked out and cut that back off my head open so i pancked and called an ambulance too this day i regret calling for help.
This lead to me spending 3 days in AnE and no one knew or cared i was missing as i didnt tell anyone but work, i then got sent to a mental hospital from AnE where i spent another 3 days there before telling someone what happened, they told the people i had asked to tell which included my family, it then took me 4 days of begging people to come see me and bring clothes (i was using their spares i was also a 30 minute drive from them).
The only person that came was my mum and i wish she didn’t, one of the first things she said after we got put in the visitor room was “was you could have used a thicker rope” she had not asked how i was or giving me hug or even tried to contact me, i put this down as a joke at first even though i knew her jokes were limited to knock knock. She then followed it up by saying she knew i had done it before anyone else before i had even told anyone as she found the rope which is fair, but in those 6 days before i told anyone she did not think to phone me once. Yes she might not have been 100% sure but she thought her son had just tried to kill himself and was missing his car still at home and she didn't think to phone me. The only other things she had to say was could my brother borrow the car and next time to at least leave them a note. Then she left and i didn't see or hear from anyone till i got out.
The next time i when in was worse i tried to kill myself 3 times before i when back, an overdose on my meds and 2 attempts trying to jump off a bridges each time i got found and taken to a place of safety, i havent and will not tell my family about those attempts.
That lead to me being admitted a couple weeks later i told my family i was going back and asked if they could drop me off there they refused as it was too far, it was a different hospital and an hour and a half away so i was made to get a 5 hour bus journey with about a weeks worth of cloths. I then did not get a single message, visit or phone call from them for the next 7 months, i was told it's probably because they don't understand how to deal with mental health. It was only meant to be a couple weeks in hospital but i decided to open up about everything else that had happened i was going through, which led to me staying 7 months and getting therapy.
I open up about a lot mostly about the abuse i got from my dad when i was younger how he use to drown me in the sink for not finishing my food, how they would lock me in the shed when they went out or on holiday with barely enough food and water and lot of other stuff they did to me alone they left the never even hit the others, i also opened up about something i regret talking about as i promised i wouldn’t.
Now am home and they have nothing good to say, i have not let them know how much what they did to me affected me and wont as they are not sorry for it. My mum and dad split a year before all of this and i went to live with my mum. My younger siblings visit him ever other week. I don't know why he hit my sister on one of those weeks but i feel like its my fault as i should have been there for him to hit, not her.
All my siblings that were there including the one that got hit says it was one slap to the face and they were both shouting at each other and he hit him first (i am not justifying it), my mum found at and has now reported him and taken her to therapy about it as in her word to me “it affects people more than you think”, and now i cant tell if she cares or its away to get back at him (they had a messy divorce).
Mean while i cant get to my therapy as its not practical at the moment (i cant dive for anther 2 months as i had a seizure) and i have no support at home as they are more embarrassed and concerned that i had a sexual relationship before marriage and with another man they are referring to the rape (its not me just thinking it they have said it to my face), whilst am unable to get more then 2 hours sleep a day and cant stop thinking about everthing thats happened and on top of all of that i keep blacking out and finding that i have done something, like self harming or making food or rearranging my whole room and painting the walls and i have no memory doing any of them.
My first time was because i had tried to kill myself shortly after being raped, i had already been struggling long before that but it was the final straw. So i waited till everyone was out or asleep and tried to hang myself in the barn, but it snapped i had blacked out and cut that back off my head open so i pancked and called an ambulance too this day i regret calling for help.
This lead to me spending 3 days in AnE and no one knew or cared i was missing as i didnt tell anyone but work, i then got sent to a mental hospital from AnE where i spent another 3 days there before telling someone what happened, they told the people i had asked to tell which included my family, it then took me 4 days of begging people to come see me and bring clothes (i was using their spares i was also a 30 minute drive from them).
The only person that came was my mum and i wish she didn’t, one of the first things she said after we got put in the visitor room was “was you could have used a thicker rope” she had not asked how i was or giving me hug or even tried to contact me, i put this down as a joke at first even though i knew her jokes were limited to knock knock. She then followed it up by saying she knew i had done it before anyone else before i had even told anyone as she found the rope which is fair, but in those 6 days before i told anyone she did not think to phone me once. Yes she might not have been 100% sure but she thought her son had just tried to kill himself and was missing his car still at home and she didn't think to phone me. The only other things she had to say was could my brother borrow the car and next time to at least leave them a note. Then she left and i didn't see or hear from anyone till i got out.
The next time i when in was worse i tried to kill myself 3 times before i when back, an overdose on my meds and 2 attempts trying to jump off a bridges each time i got found and taken to a place of safety, i havent and will not tell my family about those attempts.
That lead to me being admitted a couple weeks later i told my family i was going back and asked if they could drop me off there they refused as it was too far, it was a different hospital and an hour and a half away so i was made to get a 5 hour bus journey with about a weeks worth of cloths. I then did not get a single message, visit or phone call from them for the next 7 months, i was told it's probably because they don't understand how to deal with mental health. It was only meant to be a couple weeks in hospital but i decided to open up about everything else that had happened i was going through, which led to me staying 7 months and getting therapy.
I open up about a lot mostly about the abuse i got from my dad when i was younger how he use to drown me in the sink for not finishing my food, how they would lock me in the shed when they went out or on holiday with barely enough food and water and lot of other stuff they did to me alone they left the never even hit the others, i also opened up about something i regret talking about as i promised i wouldn’t.
Now am home and they have nothing good to say, i have not let them know how much what they did to me affected me and wont as they are not sorry for it. My mum and dad split a year before all of this and i went to live with my mum. My younger siblings visit him ever other week. I don't know why he hit my sister on one of those weeks but i feel like its my fault as i should have been there for him to hit, not her.
All my siblings that were there including the one that got hit says it was one slap to the face and they were both shouting at each other and he hit him first (i am not justifying it), my mum found at and has now reported him and taken her to therapy about it as in her word to me “it affects people more than you think”, and now i cant tell if she cares or its away to get back at him (they had a messy divorce).
Mean while i cant get to my therapy as its not practical at the moment (i cant dive for anther 2 months as i had a seizure) and i have no support at home as they are more embarrassed and concerned that i had a sexual relationship before marriage and with another man they are referring to the rape (its not me just thinking it they have said it to my face), whilst am unable to get more then 2 hours sleep a day and cant stop thinking about everthing thats happened and on top of all of that i keep blacking out and finding that i have done something, like self harming or making food or rearranging my whole room and painting the walls and i have no memory doing any of them.
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it sounds like you've had a truly terrible time. I'm very sorry to hear what you've been through. Glad you found this site.
.I do think a lot of people say they have compassion for it but sadly I’ve found that when it comes down to it, some people don’t see it as a real illness just something you can “ snap out of” if you try hard enough.
