Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[littleoc]

As much as I love thrips, I wish they’d quit biting me. I’m not a plant

 

[littleoc]

Have you read about the Chinese discoveries?

I forgot to answer this! I was thinking about it though!

No, I hadn’t heard of that, not in detail anyway. Nothing I could recite. That’s so interesting. I’m pretty obsessed with China and Mongolia (kind of a bad combination, huh?) but I still know very little about either. I feel like it’d help if I visited, but I’m also afraid of being another tourist making someone’s very serious past/culture/history into my entertainment.

China is also huge so getting to know one part isn’t enough. So much wildlife too. So many plants!



Also family events today were fun. Nestle is going to be unable to go to work with me tomorrow. But I live close enough to visit and make sure she’s okay. I don’t want her to get hurt, so hopefully I won’t have a bad moment of forgetting where I am or who I am. Maybe I should talk to my boss about this in slightly more detail? Maybe I should take extra anti-anxiety things? I’m just worried someone would call an ambulance and it’s bring a lot of attention. That’s happened to me. Very uncomfortable. But at least people care, I suppose!

 

[ILoveLife]

I feel like it’d help if I visited, but I’m also afraid of being another tourist making someone’s very serious past/culture/history into my entertainment

Nah, everyone loves when we're giving thought to history outside the western centric realm.
Most people love to talk about history. Or about the history they know :)

So much wildlife too. So many plants!

Yep!
I don't remember it, but there are pictures. My parents used to travel a lot in the interior, up north.

 

[littleoc]

Wow, that’s awesome. It’s Northern China that interests me the most. I’d love to see a big cat (and not get eaten)!

On not having my service dog at work today:

Every time I feel a tired feeling, I get nervous my brain is about to suddenly forget who I am and where I am, not to mention get all PTSD on me. I’m trying not to pull a self fulfilling prophecy here

Definitely feels like I’m missing an important limb. Might be easier if people weren’t offering to help me left and right. I appreciate it though.

 

[ILoveLife]

:hug:
You'll do alright. Anxiety sucks, but you'll do alright.

Yep, sometimes people trying to help only makes it worse. So I won't try to help, just say you'll be alright is enough, right?

 

[littleoc]

Haha, yes! Because I will be.

My boss’s boss’s boss handed me her blue stuffed monkey. Spilled my coffee tho lol (it was actually funny, but I think everything is funny so maaaayybe I’m crazy but at least it’s fun!)

The monkey is sitting on my fancy desk which is actually my boss’s desk

I am carefully trying to stay focused. In Iceland, though, my main problems happened whenever I hadn’t slept enough or stayed up too late. But The problems were embarrassing. I want to avoid embarrassment. If I can. :) But I should be chill about it. I’m usually okay, after all. During those two weeks without Nestle, I only had major problems twice.

 

[ILoveLife]

maaaayybe I’m crazy but at least it’s fun!

:bored::hilarious::hilarious::hilarious:
Yeeeesssssssss it is :D

 

[littleoc]

My poor doggo tore her ACL :(

Surgery will cost 1500$+. I’m thinking I can get a lot of help on that, though. Am nervous of course.

I will be without a service dog for up to twelve weeks.

If Fate is a thing, then there’s probably a reason for this. Maybe it’s time to experiment on what it’s like to not rely on a dog.

I should get some kind of thing to help me focus, so I don’t drift off into brain-glitch territory in the meantime.

Am nervous. It’ll have to do. I don’t want her getting hurt, so I’ll give her all the time she needs. She’s been there for me and saved my life and maybe others. This is the least I could do in return.

She’ll be okay

 

[LuckiLee]

Oh honey I'm so sorry about doggo!! Sending healing hugs your way.

 

[littleoc]

Brain glitch territory is me not knowing who anyone is or where I am. Neurologist told me once it’s because of a disconnection due to brain damage, and PTSD makes it much worse. So I need to be careful.

In Iceland (where I could not bring a service dog — very different laws, but nothing stops me!!) I was humiliated when it happened near peers. My professor would come up to me and ask me what he could do to help me, and I’d be flattered some guy was chatting with me.

Truthfully, I think it won’t happen so much if I can kick the fear of being humiliated. Because it’s not a reason to feel humiliated. It just is. It’s my brain. It’s doing it’s best. I’ll have to be EXTREMELY strict in my bedtime and lunchtime routine for a while. I’ll have to do the grad school stuff slowly.

I should talk to their disability services ASAP, but at least Nestle can be with me in my rooms.

I should try to make the scheduled move into Isaac’s lil apartment more fun.

I should probably not do trauma work. Hm. Maybe I should talk to my therapist. I haven’t written them here but I have trauma-work goals that I sort of want to keep working at. But I need to at least slow down.

This makes me very, very nervous. But I won’t die from this. Neither will Nestle. We can do this!

 

[littleoc]

Sending healing hugs your way.

Thank you!!!!!

She’s the toughest friend ever. But hugs are so healing! I’ll give her extra for you!

 

[littleoc]

It’s hard to stay positive.

Doing my best tho

Afraid of crying of course. Migraines could be downright dangerous. I biked to the tavern. They gave me free alcohol. I am assuming I shouldn’t have much of that :p