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Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

I get irrationally angry at people coming into my room and sitting on my bed. Gets worse if they’re older than me. I didn’t show it though. I never show my negative emotions. I just don’t understand why I got angry.

Started reading news headlines at her. Had a laugh at some. There’s funny ones today.

I am still getting strangely sick. Can’t locate the triggers? Was on the bathroom floor again. I’m glad I cleaned my bathroom.

People keep repeatedly bringing up triggering topics, but they don’t know that they trigger me. I’m starting to think that my lack of a reaction isn’t an improvement, but is just a reaction to not being allowed to have bad reactions. It offends people. My family. Not my friends. I feel safe near my friends.

Doctor told me last week, and I didn’t mention it here because it doesn’t seem correct, that that time I had that “seizure” “caused by caffeine” where I was paralyzed at a table for more than hour, yet could move my eyes and could mostly still think (and note mentally that my own breathing was slowing but I couldn’t fix it), was inflammation in a small part of the brain stem, especially the one part that helps with movement and motivation. Then went on to say that he can’t prove it. Just like they couldn’t prove it was epilepsy, or MS, or even just an extremely strange response to stress.

And that‘s why I really can’t take it seriously. Concussions don’t usually hurt the brain stem, do they? I’d probably know, personally. If mine was. There would be more symptoms than getting paralyzed because of caffeine... when I was “too hungry to eat” and kids were pointing at me and whispering. :I

Good times

Following that up with something nice:
Um

I got a really good picture of a caterpillar today
 
Check it ooooout
 

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What if I buy too many things? Hmmm
My only concern with this is that it makes me wonder if you steal because you want stuff or you steal for the thrill of not getting caught. But either way garage sale shopping is the same environment as store shopping. Its still stuff available to steal.

I was thinking finding a coping mechanism that doesn't involve "things". Cleaning, journaling, learning Spanish, flying kites, etc -- something as far from "shopping, stuff, stealing" as you can get.
 

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