Wanting to die

[whiteraven]

I don't exactly want to kill myself at the moment - ok, well...I do, but doing so would really complicate things for others - but I do wish I could just die. I'm making final arrangements and when I actually do think (I mostly don't because it's too painful), death is on my mind a lot.

It's been really, really bad for awhile now. I just don't know where to go from here.

 

[Skywatcher]

What do you mean by final arrangements?

 

[whiteraven]

What do you mean by final arrangements?

Oh you know...burial stuff. Not because I've plans to kill myself, but you never know, right?

 

[mamachick]

white raven_ I just want to stress this to you ...long term for temporary situation (I know you have heard it over and over). But the truth is that it does change. It CHANGES.....It does. It can be one little change in your life that causes a total shift. I know that it doesn't seem possible because I have been where you are at. I promise you, a failed attempt can cause you more harm than you need right now.Maybe you really want to die, or maybe you just want to stop this pain to stop, and Im guessing the later. Please just keep reaching out to us.

 

[Skywatcher]

I know how dark it can feel sometimes. Maybe instead of planning your burial, plan some ways to LIVE with the people that need and want you alive.

 

[mamachick]

Its not easy, but you have to get past those thoughts....please. I care!

 

[whiteraven]

I know how dark it can feel sometimes. Maybe instead of planning your burial, plan some ways to LIVE with the people that need and want you alive.

None of those. And besides, we should ALL be pre-planning. It's the best thing for those left behind.

Its not easy, but you have to get past those thoughts....please. I care!

Yeah, I've yet to discover how to do that.

white raven_ I just want to stress this to you ...long term for temporary situation (I know you have heard it over and over). But the truth is that it does change. It CHANGES.....It does. It can be one little change in your life that causes a total shift. I know that it doesn't seem possible because I have been where you are at. I promise you, a failed attempt can cause you more harm than you need right now.Maybe you really want to die, or maybe you just want to stop this pain to stop, and Im guessing the later. Please just keep reaching out to us.

Oh I know and I don't really want to kill myself. I just want to be free of the pain. No planning for death in that way, but just constant thoughts about death and dying. Truly, nothing is permanent for any of us.

I'll argue the point that things change. Or ask, how do you define temporary? 'Cause it's been like this for almost 50 years and, while there were a few times I was distracted, I've been mostly depressed all that time. Very little true happiness.

 

[mamachick]

I do know what it feels like to just not want to wake up in the morning and have those thoughts of death for long periods of time. I have been depressed for a good part of my life. Well it sure doesn't change easily, and the changes are often the little things, at least for me. I have just been trying to find more joy in the little things and in the moment.

 

[Deanna]

I've never wanted to end it, but time does change things. I'm in my 50s and was diagnosed 2 years ago. I have had PTSD for most of my life. I think about how it may have been if I was diagnosed when I was young. I could have studied in college better. Met the the right guy... I was a catch too but I ran everyone off. ( in the end) SO... Today I'm just glad I have today and don't look beyond that. You're living too far in the future, where you don't know what will happen. Some people don't get 50 years to live. Be grateful for every day you're alive because someone else isn't.

 

[whiteraven]

Today I'm just glad I have today and don't look beyond that.

Ok, let's talk about that. I'm NOT glad I have today. Doesn't matter if I look in the past or to the future. Right now, in this moment, I feel like I am buried under the concrete at the bottom of a well.

You're living too far in the future, where you don't know what will happen. Some people don't get 50 years to live. Be grateful for every day you're alive because someone else isn't.

I don't even know how to respond to this. Just a suggestion: Don't try shaming people into feeling better. It really only makes us feel worse.

 

[anthony]

I just don't know where to go from here.

When shit gets super real for me, I force myself to look backwards at how many times I wanted to kill myself, die, etc... and put that into perspective. Each and every time it passed, I'm still here. Things did get better each time as I made changes to enable improvement, even though I wanted to sit around, make excuses for myself, and just die.

Your past has benefit at times... use it to help your present when needed to make comparisons.

 

[whiteraven]

When shit gets super real for me, I force myself to look backwards at how many times I wanted to kill myself, die, etc... and put that into perspective. Each and every time it passed, I'm still here.

You're right. The really intense times do pass. Thanks for the reminder. :-)