Medical PTSD means I am too terrified to undergo necessary urgent invasive medical procedure

[Red Rufus]

I can't say my input will be helpful, and I wish I knew the answer, but I think this is true:

I think having a doctor you can talk to too is a start. And maybe write it down if (like me) your mind goes blank. It's hard to advocate for yourself when no words come out. :(

^^ I do, but not for the reasons you've mentioned, but yes, you are not alone in that. I don't mistrust the people, per say, but I just cannot form words (in the moment) to express intolerable pain, and I find what comes out is, ~'everything's great' , even when it's the opposite (minimizing- I think to 'get out' as quickly as possible; I literally 'hear myself' lie). However, triggers are triggers, and perspective means a lot. Also, if you have Big reasons (family, etc) it's important to stay healthy- that can be a motivator. And reframing it. Plus, the benefits of feeling better again!

You are already doing that reframing, in the sense that I fear sedation- because I have no one to trust to be with me when/ if I 'say' something- that is not the time I want to spill my guts about secrets I've kept for decades, I am just too afraid. But as you said, just limiting the conscious part eliminates some of the fear/ difficulties.

Also, if you can self-disclose like that about the ptsd, they should work with you. And hospitals nowadays aren't quite the same; at least here they're quick for discharges, not the same smells (not the same cleaning), etc. Also, it simply isn't a re-enactment of your trauma (it just 'feels' like it will be).

The better shape you're in (now, earlier, if it worsens) the better it is to handle stuff too, than going in (maybe involuntarily) in worse shape. Especially since you must feel ill already, and that's not making managing triggers any easier. :(

Best wishes to you, I hope you feel better soon!

Thank you your comments and understanding are very helpful indeed. I am actually feeling for the first time that I can do this because I am not the only one in the world with PTSD and that everyone up here really does care and understand.

Wow thank you I am learning so much up here about PTSD and surviving trauma. As I mentioned earlier I have been in therapy for 10months and my T never once mentioned the concept of ‘PTSD logic’ (which seems so real to us sufferers at the time) She never helped me to use a more realistic healthy logic, she just went along with my ‘catastrophising’. This has actually led to me avoiding more situations and people rather than staying put and working through things.

Now you’ve absolutely hit the nail on the head about why I can’t get my words out. If I feel threatened or afraid my body starts to shake and in order to control it I just disassociate, the bit of me that I leave behind goes all dreamy and golden and starts smiling and saying how everything is fine. So basically most of my therapy sessions have been all lovely and I have managed to convince her that the impact of my trauma has not been ‘so bad.’ Trouble is I am obviously very convincing when I am in this state so strong, lovely and inspiring. It’s wonderful for my friends, family and doctors it makes them feel so good about themselves! I need to find a specialist PTSD therapist who sees through my tricks and can really help me move forward. I don’t actually feel safe at all to be anything but Miss sunny and nice. I can’t even cry in therapy not even squeeze out one tiny little tear.

Have to add that have just had one of those procedures after putting it off for a long time and with managing myself and the situation in general I managed my way through it. Not totally unscathed but I am here and better than I could have been. And importantly potentially better than if it was left and I had not choice. Not premsuning to suggest our situations are the same or what is right for you but merely commiserating and saying if treatment is at all a possibility it is the better alternative.

Thank you for sharing this with me it gives me strength to know you went through it too and came out the other side. Well done for your bravery and courage it really is challenging for us folk who are already overwhelmed by trauma and it’s effects.

 

[Tinyflame]

@Red Rufus not sure if there's a working definition but, to me, 'ptsd logic' is just reactions, amygdala hijackings, lack of being able to employ mindfulness and grounding and calm the body (and brain), being triggered, physiological (and neurological changes), sometimes comorbidities, and a whole host of cognitive distortions. (And then there can be more, too)> But once you know what can be, then you can start realizing and recognizing, and work on what you can alter.

Great for you to have the courage to post! :hug:

 

[ChildofGod]

I am so sorry to hear and read this about you. I don't know, just wanted to give my support and my courage.

 

[Red Rufus]

thank you, I really appreciate your kind words ?

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

I had a neck fusion 2003, before the surgery I wrote a note to the patient advocate to be sensitive to my particular issues. It's one way of dealing with this since you have to have the surgery, it also helps to have someone like family there to advocate for you but you have to make it know that is there role and redirect if necessary. Both the patient advocate and my friend/advocate were effective enough I got the privacy I needed so that instead of a group recovery ward I got a private room . From what you said consider having that family/friend advocate be with you all the to surgery and from surgery (but not in surgery) so you can feel better about the whole process.

I completely understand as not only did this kind of medical stuff bring me flashbacks in 1993 from my voice-box surgery which resulted in a psych hospitalization, it was a factor 2003 from my neck fusion to the degree that I refused to let them give me morphine for pain because I needed to be in control of my surroundings. And even today I refuse to do a colonoscopy for the same reason, that I am put out while something is inside me that mentally feels like another rape. There is little doubt a colonoscopy would lead to another psych hospitalization for me right from recovery, just the though of something inside me like that with me have no control over my surroundings because I am out, would be more than I can handle.

If the hospital knows someone is looking over there should to insure you needs including emotional needs are met, the is a higher chance the will actually listen and take the extra care you need.

 

[Still Standing]

Wow! You have gotten some wonderful support and suggestions. In the States, a valium is offered prior to a colonoscopy, on the day of the procedure, if you request it. This helps to relax you while they are putting in the IV for sedation. Most do sedated procedures, now.

I totally get your concern with medical procedures. This is one of my hardest things to face, too. Without any forethought, I will instantly react toward a Dr. when he comes at me with a needle. Most times, I just cry and shake but I have reacted by trying to fight him away from me. It has made me scared that I may hit someone during care. This is what made me go into counseling only to find that I have PTSD from childhood abuses and medical traumas. It has been about 15 months, now that I've been learning how to deal with this.

I am in the midst of needing more surgeries so tests are being requested. What I have been doing is informing those who are treating me or doing testing, that I have PTSD. I tell them how I may react. If possible, the tests are done under IV sedation. It is still difficult, emotionally, but making sure those around me understand my fears and reactions, has helped. Not all understand, but most do or try to. And if you find it too difficult to explain your PTSD, maybe your therapist would be willing to write a general letter about your need for special care that you can give to those who treat you and it can be put in your records.

For me, the first step with dealing with the medical profession, was recognizing and understanding the "whys" of my impulsive reactions. Then it was informing those who were treating me of my special needs. Lastly, I am trying to learn how to relax in the face of more medical issues. It is a huge learning curve, for sure, and I still break down in fear, but at least I now know what the problem is.

You can do this. It may be intimidating but, like others have said, most people are nice, caring, and helpful people. Let them know about your PTSD and your struggle with trusting. And tell them ahead of time, so they have time to assign you to those who are best suited to work with you. And going to a new GP is a grand idea. I hope you find you can trust him and he works with you in a way that is acceptable to you. Keep us posted as to how you are doing.

 

[Red Rufus]

I had a neck fusion 2003, before the surgery I wrote a note to the patient advocate to be sensitive to my particular issues. It's one way of dealing with this since you have to have the surgery, it also helps to have someone like family there to advocate for you but you have to make it know that is there role and redirect if necessary. Both the patient advocate and my friend/advocate were effective enough I got the privacy I needed so that instead of a group recovery ward I got a private room . From what you said consider having that family/friend advocate be with you all the to surgery and from surgery (but not in surgery) so you can feel better about the whole process.

I completely understand as not only did this kind of medical stuff bring me flashbacks in 1993 from my voice-box surgery which resulted in a psych hospitalization, it was a factor 2003 from my neck fusion to the degree that I refused to let them give me morphine for pain because I needed to be in control of my surroundings. And even today I refuse to do a colonoscopy for the same reason, that I am put out while something is inside me that mentally feels like another rape. There is little doubt a colonoscopy would lead to another psych hospitalization for me right from recovery, just the though of something inside me like that with me have no control over my surroundings because I am out, would be more than I can handle.

If the hospital knows someone is looking over there should to insure you needs including emotional needs are met, the is a higher chance the will actually listen and take the extra care you need.

Thank you so much for your very brave reply and for sharing such difficult information with me. When I have the procedure I will certainly be thinking of your incredible courage and the way you faced your surgery and got through to the other side despite your very traumatic past. From the bottom of my heart I thank you for your encouragement and support ?

Wow! You have gotten some wonderful support and suggestions. In the States, a valium is offered prior to a colonoscopy, on the day of the procedure, if you request it. This helps to relax you while they are putting in the IV for sedation. Most do sedated procedures, now.

I totally get your concern with medical procedures. This is one of my hardest things to face, too. Without any forethought, I will instantly react toward a Dr. when he comes at me with a needle. Most times, I just cry and shake but I have reacted by trying to fight him away from me. It has made me scared that I may hit someone during care. This is what made me go into counseling only to find that I have PTSD from childhood abuses and medical traumas. It has been about 15 months, now that I've been learning how to deal with this.

I am in the midst of needing more surgeries so tests are being requested. What I have been doing is informing those who are treating me or doing testing, that I have PTSD. I tell them how I may react. If possible, the tests are done under IV sedation. It is still difficult, emotionally, but making sure those around me understand my fears and reactions, has helped. Not all understand, but most do or try to. And if you find it too difficult to explain your PTSD, maybe your therapist would be willing to write a general letter about your need for special care that you can give to those who treat you and it can be put in your records.

For me, the first step with dealing with the medical profession, was recognizing and understanding the "whys" of my impulsive reactions. Then it was informing those who were treating me of my special needs. Lastly, I am trying to learn how to relax in the face of more medical issues. It is a huge learning curve, for sure, and I still break down in fear, but at least I now know what the problem is.

You can do this. It may be intimidating but, like others have said, most people are nice, caring, and helpful people. Let them know about your PTSD and your struggle with trusting. And tell them ahead of time, so they have time to assign you to those who are best suited to work with you. And going to a new GP is a grand idea. I hope you find you can trust him and he works with you in a way that is acceptable to you. Keep us posted as to how you are doing.

Hello thank you for your amazing and very helpful reply. That’s exactly what I want Valium to get me through the door and then IV for the procedure. I am going to see if my GP can arrange this for me. The posts up here and all the sharing of experiences has really eased my anxiety and made a huge difference to me, thank you everyone

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

I forgot to mention when I had my throat surgery in 1993 I had a liquid phenothiazine to shut me down if I had a crisis.