Trying to decide if I should fire my therapist

[HealingMama]

Thanks - @Justmehere and @Sideways - you've both been helpful enough that I'm at a loss for words while I digest what you said.

 

[TruthSeeker]

Yeah the least I could do is tell her we are spending too much time on psychoed.

I think part of the problem may also be that my previous session was hypnotherapy where she was practically yelling at me to amplify the negative emotion tied to memories so I don't really feel all that safe with her anymore.

JMHO-if you don't feel safe in therapist led hypnotherapy, listen to that. My first long term therapist was all about hypnotherapy-
and I was very suggestible. We did the usual, made safe space....but beyond that, she made suggestions that I know didn't happen...
about who "might have" abused me.....but they came across as her professional beliefs. I stopped doing hypnotherapy after that.
I now do my own inner journey-work and am quite satisfied. But don't do anything that doesn't feel safe.

 

[grit]

I have had exactly similar experiences like this one:

Actually it's the therapy triggering dissociation not the crap at home. The days leading up to therapy and the times i try to write about trauma in my journal make my dissociation and derealization act up

By dissociating in therapy, that was an indication of how far I have gone psychologically and the best wake up call of my life.

As you can see we are all focused on the therapist and honestly you know what is good for you in a good day.
If you decide to leave, make sure you are clear of the affects surrounding your decision.... Because if it is unresolved issues, they will come back with the next one.
Therapists, to use an analogy here, are like cardiologists, they can help you better if you are also striving to lead a healthy lifestyle outside of their offices. Do not fall into therapy talk which is similar to the fact you have all the knowledge but yet cannt access directly. always circle back to is this helping me become more stable and how. There is nothing worse than knowing techniques but not able to use them for changing. It is like having tools for making fire but dying of starvation. You need your own strategy of what you need to see as a result of therapy.
It is my opinion, you may not be able to tackle trauma work if your home life is not safe.
It is possible to work on that and maybe better your relationship with your husband first. It is possible. If you are symptomatic of acute ptsd, you could be contributing the breakdown of communication. I hope this comes off that you have more power to change today before you tackle yesterday.
Good luck.

 

[HealingMama]

You've all given me a lot to think about. Maybe direct trauma treatment is actually a terrible idea and I need to get some help with my relationship as far as how I see it, how I handle it, the indecision around it and the mutual verbal and emotional abuse.

Because that's actually a lot more inflammatory than I realized. As embarrassing as that is to say. My life isn't chaotic but my relationship definitely is and definitely doesn't provide consistent safety.

I will probably still fire my T because I don't want to pay so much if I'm not going to be using those specialized trauma modalities.

I need to work on just generally being stable in my life and strengthening myself to find stability even if there's some level of chaos around me that is outside of my control.

Thanks all.

I have had exactly similar experiences like this one:

By dissociating in therapy, that was an indication of how far I have gone psychologically and the best wake up call of my life.

As you can see we are all focused on the therapist and honestly you know what is good for you in a good day.
If you decide to leave, make sure you are clear of the affects surrounding your decision.... Because if it is unresolved issues, they will come back with the next one.
Therapists, to use an analogy here, are like cardiologists, they can help you better if you are also striving to lead a healthy lifestyle outside of their offices. Do not fall into therapy talk which is similar to the fact you have all the knowledge but yet cannt access directly. always circle back to is this helping me become more stable and how. There is nothing worse than knowing techniques but not able to use them for changing. It is like having tools for making fire but dying of starvation. You need your own strategy of what you need to see as a result of therapy.
It is my opinion, you may not be able to tackle trauma work if your home life is not safe.
It is possible to work on that and maybe better your relationship with your husband first. It is possible. If you are symptomatic of acute ptsd, you could be contributing the breakdown of communication. I hope this comes off that you have more power to change today before you tackle yesterday.
Good luck.

I need to change today before I tackle yesterday. Well said.

JMHO-if you don't feel safe in therapist led hypnotherapy, listen to that. My first long term therapist was all about hypnotherapy-
and I was very suggestible. We did the usual, made safe space....but beyond that, she made suggestions that I know didn't happen...
about who "might have" abused me.....but they came across as her professional beliefs. I stopped doing hypnotherapy after that.
I now do my own inner journey-work and am quite satisfied. But don't do anything that doesn't feel safe.

To my T's credit she didn't do that at all. However another reason I am feeling dissatisfied is I went through this hypnotherapy then she basically didn't bring it up at all at the next session. We identified my parts and talked about drama triangles. She said she wasn't explaining the drama triangles well and I said it's ok I understand that concept already.

 

[TruthSeeker]

My life was a drama triangle with my X. He said one thing to his children, I said another, and because he was their Dad-they chose and supported his narcissistic behavior. The same happened with my own family.....walking away was the only solution to stopping it all together. Well, it has been a hard decision to walk away, no matter how many flaws my T has....2 years is a long run for T....for me anyway.