Can't Decide If I Should Go To The Hospital Or Not

[Hope4Now]

Thinking of you today @Justmehere
Hope your night was okay and that you are being gentle and kind to yourself today.

 

[Hope4Now]

@desiderata310 I am thinking of you, too, today.

 

[desiderata310]

Thanks @Hope4Now
Only a small hippo sitting on my chest today. Sitting at work today (on a holiday) trying to catch up on work I couldn't concentrate on last week. There's a children's concert playing on the Mainstage and my door is closed. Frequent breaks and just trying to muscle through what I must so I can concentrate on the large project tomorrow. I only have to make it 5 more hours till my appointment. I just feel like a broken record in my appointments

 

[Deleted member 25711]

@Justmehere sending healing thoughts. You are not alone.[DOUBLEPOST=1396320007][/DOUBLEPOST]@Desiderata my healing thoughts with you, too.

 

[Justmehere]

@desiderata310 - I hope your appointment went well. I feel like a broken record at times too. I told my therapist recently, "again? we are talking about the same thing again. I feel like I'm on a merry go round and I just wish I could get off and at least go in a NEW circle." (I then quickly explained I didn't mean it in a hurtful way towards her. I was frustrated with me. Oh shiesh, she really is patient with me.)

Thank you @Ms Spock @Hope4Now @sunnyfan for the kind words and thinking of me. It helped my heart to read tonight. I finally texted my therapist. I didn't have the courage to call, but I told her I had a horrible weekend, ended up in the ER, and I asked if I could have a sooner appointment if she has any cancelations.

 

[desiderata310]

It was ok and he knows I'm suicidal though we didn't talk about it directly.
I hope you get in to see your therapist soon.

 

[Justmehere]

@desiderata310 I'm glad it went ok, and I hope things change for the better for both of us soon.

My therapist had a rare day home with a very sick kiddo today, and offered to talk on the phone. I didn't want to interrupt her day, but she reminded me that her boundaries are for her to keep and said that she had been thinking of me anyhow. We had a really good phone conversation. It was really helpful. She wished I had told her I had been struggling so much, and but wasn't mad at all. She was happy that I had done what I needed to do to feel better. She told me that it makes sense this week would be rougher and we figured out plans to tolerate what I'm feeling better. I feel better after talking to her! :)

 

[ms spock]

I am glad that you got some backup @Justmehere.

 

[Abendroth]

I'm not sure if this will help at all so forgive me if I come off as rude as I'm not aware of what you have lived through completely ma'dear! I've been in psych wards twice once when I was 15 other time when I was 16 almost 17. These places are not the nicest at the best of times. But they are there for a reason and in my experiences if you think your a risk to yourself or others consider it and seek medical advise. I didn't enjoy some of the company in the wards but I give it credit to being the kind of place that can help you I just kept to myself however. As for psych wards making you mentally worse? I think it depends if you have anything else mixed with PTSD mentally or the personality type you have as a human being. However this is only from what I've seen and my point of view so think of it more along the lines of philosophical view? I hope you feel better soon and get plenty of rest