Long-story-short, it took me a decade to face the fact that I'd dated a serial rapist who then stalked me and raped two of my friends.
It's been a year since I started facing it and working on it in therapy. I'm generally feeling good these day - maybe one day in 60 I have a mini-panic attack and start suspecting someone in my life (often my husband, who has ADHD), of being a complete sociopath like my ex-boyfriend. But I'm able to get back to normal within an hour and usually that's the extent of it. I've also worked hard to for the last 8 years to educate myself about codependency and overcome that struggle.
My biggest problem at this point is socializing with anyone and everyone. Everyone in my life seems to have codependent tendencies and I have great difficulty relating to my closest family and friends once they start to talk about how powerless they are when it comes to the manipulators in their lives (example: one of my best friends was living with her sister, who was dating a guy who was hitting this sister and then being very attentive and sweet after being physically abusive. My friend told them to move out, but then fell for the abusive man's sob-story about how he can't move out yet...etc.). On the other side of things, these same people don't or can't see the truth to these manipulators (example: my mom constantly falls for my sister's sob-stories that lead to my mom doing things like completely planning and setting-up my sister's wedding while my sister has NO job and, therefore, should have PLENTY of time and energy to do it herself! Not to mention the part where she should have hired a wedding planner, but felt NO guilt about making my mom do so much, including moving furniture, mere MONTHS after being hospitalized for pneumonia).
I'm so glad to be so healed and so free from the anxiety that once plagued me as a result of my inability to see the truth of manipulators and then set boundaries with them. BUT how do I connect with everyone around me when they're living in the "fog" that I've come out of? Being healed feels awfully lonely!
It's been a year since I started facing it and working on it in therapy. I'm generally feeling good these day - maybe one day in 60 I have a mini-panic attack and start suspecting someone in my life (often my husband, who has ADHD), of being a complete sociopath like my ex-boyfriend. But I'm able to get back to normal within an hour and usually that's the extent of it. I've also worked hard to for the last 8 years to educate myself about codependency and overcome that struggle.
My biggest problem at this point is socializing with anyone and everyone. Everyone in my life seems to have codependent tendencies and I have great difficulty relating to my closest family and friends once they start to talk about how powerless they are when it comes to the manipulators in their lives (example: one of my best friends was living with her sister, who was dating a guy who was hitting this sister and then being very attentive and sweet after being physically abusive. My friend told them to move out, but then fell for the abusive man's sob-story about how he can't move out yet...etc.). On the other side of things, these same people don't or can't see the truth to these manipulators (example: my mom constantly falls for my sister's sob-stories that lead to my mom doing things like completely planning and setting-up my sister's wedding while my sister has NO job and, therefore, should have PLENTY of time and energy to do it herself! Not to mention the part where she should have hired a wedding planner, but felt NO guilt about making my mom do so much, including moving furniture, mere MONTHS after being hospitalized for pneumonia).
I'm so glad to be so healed and so free from the anxiety that once plagued me as a result of my inability to see the truth of manipulators and then set boundaries with them. BUT how do I connect with everyone around me when they're living in the "fog" that I've come out of? Being healed feels awfully lonely!
