Not free to speak

[Woodsforthetrees]

I've found recently that in therapy when I'm talking and explaining, I feel I have to stop speaking mid-sentence. It's usually when I'm getting angry and so I just assumed I was afraid of my anger but I've since realised I do it at other times.

I think I've come to realise that I'm not scared of the emotions, I'm scared to acknowledge the thing/event/understanding of what happened. If I get angry and talk about my anger I'm probably going to near explaining the event and what happened that upset me. I have never really defined what happened and I'm scared that I will speak a truth I haven't already understood.

I don't really know where to go from here. I think there are parts that know the truth and want to speak but something stops me. I can only get so far. I wonder if anyone else has experienced this and describe how they worked through it.

 

[triptych]

Haven’t worked through this but I definitely know the feeling of wanting to say something/answer a question but having just blankness in your brain. I find it difficult as I always promise myself I’ll be open and then I feel as if I physically can’t.

 

[Friday]

I wonder if anyone else has experienced this and describe how they worked through it.

Never worked through it... I work around it in a lot of different ways. This site is a great big way, as I’m able to share something to help someone else, that I can’t touch with a 10’ pole when it’s just “for” me; so it lets me flank issues I can’t come at directly.