Undiagnosed Hello, just to introduce myself - childhood trauma from abusive mother

[My Truth :)]

I am a 49 year old woman and have struggled with mental health issues since my mid teens as it was then that something was up; this was in the form of what I thought was Social Anxiety. However, after researching it I couldn't identify with all the symptoms as they weren't always an issue - I seemed to happen at certain times or get triggered by certain people - mainly women.

My childhood was particularly traumatic as my mother used to go into these unpredictable rages for no apparent reason (not apparent to me as a child). My younger brothers and I were continually walking on eggshells and trying to appease her. It was a horrible, cold time and very, very lonely. I am also certain that my mum has been gaslighting me for years and playing on my insecurities - mainly in relating to other people. I have been diagnosed with Borderline PD after an admission in Pysch Hosp but again can't relate to all of the symptoms. So it is with my childhood experiences that I believe that I may have Cptsd, albeit a minor form.

I had an experience with my mum back in November 2017 where she revealed a side of her that was dark and terrifying and whilst it validated my experiences as a child (after years of believing that I was a 'wrongun') it has knocked me sideways; it also led me to wonder if my mum had an undiagnosed mental health disorder. She has since been diagnosed but has remained secretive about telling me the diagnosis. I made a choice to go no contact last year for several reasons and have felt better in myself for taking control of my side of the road; although I haven't made it official by telling her. I am currently on a twelve step programme. I would like to learn more about CPtsd, after reading the really good book by Pete Walker and so here I am...

 

[ladee]

Welcome. I relate to the things you shared. Not about your mom but my sister. She didn't rage, she subtly took away any of my self-worth. But I identify with the feelings.

I hope you don't have cPTSD. Only a therapist can answer that question for you. There are so many co-morbid things that go with PTSD, it could be a lot of things. But do respect that you are searching for answers.

This is a great place for information and others experiences. Glad you are here, if not glad for the reason.

 

[My Truth :)]

Thanks for the headsup Ladee :)

 

[OakTree123]

I am a 49 year old woman and have struggled with mental health issues since my mid teens as it was then that something was up; this was in the form of what I thought was Social Anxiety. However, after researching it I couldn't identify with all the symptoms as they weren't always an issue - I seemed to happen at certain times or get triggered by certain people - mainly women.

My childhood was particularly traumatic as my mother used to go into these unpredictable rages for no apparent reason (not apparent to me as a child). My younger brothers and I were continually walking on eggshells and trying to appease her. It was a horrible, cold time and very, very lonely. I am also certain that my mum has been gaslighting me for years and playing on my insecurities - mainly in relating to other people. I have been diagnosed with Borderline PD after an admission in Pysch Hosp but again can't relate to all of the symptoms. So it is with my childhood experiences that I believe that I may have Cptsd, albeit a minor form.

I had an experience with my mum back in November 2017 where she revealed a side of her that was dark and terrifying and whilst it validated my experiences as a child (after years of believing that I was a 'wrongun') it has knocked me sideways; it also led me to wonder if my mum had an undiagnosed mental health disorder. She has since been diagnosed but has remained secretive about telling me the diagnosis. I made a choice to go no contact last year for several reasons and have felt better in myself for taking control of my side of the road; although I haven't made it official by telling her. I am currently on a twelve step programme. I would like to learn more about CPtsd, after reading the really good book by Pete Walker and so here I am...

Hi there!

I'm really sorry for everything you have been forced to face. I can definitely relate to everything you said. I'm only 21 but I just went no contact with my abusive mother this year. I can relate to a lot of the aspects of abuse that you outlined above (gaslighting, walking on eggshells, rage, etc) and it can be so difficult to face what has happened.

I hope you find lots of help and support here! I'm new here too...I was just diagnosed with PTSD about a month ago after I began visiting a trauma therapist; this type of therapy has been very helpful and eye-opening, though also very difficult. Everyone on this site has been so nice and responsive. I'm glad you've found it, though I'm sorry for everything you have been through.

I hope you find lots of peace!