I improved my decision making anxiety

[enterthechair]

I've had anxiety and difficulty around making decisions, even the seemingly smallest ones would give me panic attacks, I'd lose entire days out of being indecisive.

I've looked on Youtube for videos about this. A lot of them give the usual platitudes, but I feel like this video was a landmark moment. It helped me immensely.

Here's the thesis:
1) A lot of the time, our fear isn't from the outcome of the decision itself but rather our ability to deal with the uncertainty and regret.
2) (Most) decisions aren't inherently good or bad in themselves. It's how we act and follow through on them that decides if the outcome is good.

If we make a decision and it's not up to our expectation. Can we tweak or adjust it? Can we learn a lesson from it? If it doesn't work out, try something different next time. And in some cases, sometimes with hard work and persistance, that decision you initially regretted can turn into a good one.

What causes people to be indecisive is when they make a decision, follow through on it poorly and then blame the outcome on the decision itself. Hence, the decision itself is the enemy and we must not make the decision.

Sometimes, when we ask people what decision we should make, it's a trap. We want them to make the decision for us, so that we don't have to commit to or take accountability for it. Part of making a decision is learning how to do deal with uncertainty. Looking to someone for us to give us a certain answer, means we're not addressing the uncertainty head on.

Making a decision, when the odds seem 50/50 or 51/49, picking a side and dealing with the consequences is what helps us overcome the regret.

 

[Dark.Green.Feathers]

Sometimes, when we ask people what decision we should make, it's a trap. We want them to make the decision for us, so that we don't have to commit to or take accountability for it.

This is definitely true, being able to make our own decisions and deal with their consequences is very important. Delegating the responsibility to other people can feel better, but is only taking our power out of the situation and reinforcing ideas of being helpless/powerless. Also means we can miss out on important information.

If we make a decision and it's not up to our expectation. Can we tweak or adjust it? Can we learn a lesson from it? If it doesn't work out, try something different next time. And in some cases, sometimes with hard work and persistance, that decision you initially regretted can turn into a good one.

I like this. Think this also ties into all-or-nothing thinking. The idea that outcomes of decisions can be either only entirely good or entirely bad, with no way out. Most poor decisions are unideal, not catastrophic. And decent decisions aren’t without issues. But it’s in the nature of trauma catastrophise and be black ‘n’ white, forgetting all that.




Uncertainty is hard, I can find that really hard to cope with when I’m struggling, with not much room left in the stress-cup.

 

[enterthechair]

Most poor decisions are unideal, not catastrophic. And decent decisions aren’t without issues.

Tangent incoming. I agree with you. There are some universally bad decisions like gambling your whole life savings or doing hard drugs. Anything that could harm your health or wipe out your lifesavings is worth deliberating.

But probably 99% of decisions are along that subjective spectrum where it's neither wholly good or wholly bad, and it's all about what you make of it.

With fitness for example, a lot of routines are viable, and what matters most is picking one that you can stick to and consistently do. It's the act of doing it that makes the routine good, rather than which one you choose. If you try a plan, and in a few weeks or so, you don't like it, you can change to a different one. But those weeks probably weren't wasted; you probably gained something out of it.

Deciding where to live is another decision where the followthrough is super important. There is no perfect place to live that you just pick and you instantly get a good outcome. It's the person that makes the place. A lot of times, people move somewhere, and it becomes great because they have a job, friends and community.

^ Of course, there are going to be places that are straight-up dealbreakers. But let's say you've narrowed it down to 5 good locations you're interested in. There's not necessarily 1 objectively best choice. A lot of it just picking a place. Maybe you have a job offer or family there, and then you make the place great.

Even with consumer purchases, whether you get the Sony vs Canon, Mac vs PC, Xbox vs Playstation. They all have mostly the same features, and each has their own little strengths. I know it's in our nature to look at the 1-2 little features that the other product has. But what actually makes the decision good is using it and making the most out of it - not which one you bought in itself.

Even with minor decisions like going someplace new to eat. Losing $20-30 isn't going to be lifechangingly bad. I've also rarely had a meal I hated. Even the places I wouldn't go again, I still enjoyed it enough to finish eating it. It rarely felt like a total waste.