Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[ms spock]

I'm so disappointed in myself. I viewed myself as someone like Lion,

To me you are the Líon @littleoc. Even Lions get tired.

You've lost everything all your fur and feather babies.

You've lost your home.

This is upsetting to Lions as well.

Remember our brains lie to us. That our PTSD overwhelm us.

I won't be remembered or loved like that, ever, and it's my fault because I can't just go through trauma and have it stop. It has to be ongoing for 30 years and nothing I do will stop it

I there with you. I was removed by the welfare when I was 15. I tried every thing and at 56, and after 46 years I have not recovered and I am still struggling.

Just trying so hard to be quiet and a good person about it, not make things worse through myself,

The grief is totally normal. I feel sad at all your losses.

I tried being quiet and good. That's is back with the abuse.

Even when you do your best things go wrong. You've done amazingly despite being in such a tough place.

I did my best and it has been a disaster. You are not alone in this. I am with you step for step.

 

[Teasel]

You're an amazing person who has had far more than their fair share to deal with.

I went through the same kind of fear a paralysis when I had to pack to go to a refuge, I know it's really hard to deal with.

Sometimes helps me get unstuck if I say I'm just going to do one thing. Sometimes once Ive done the one thing, I can carry on and do more. Sometimes I can't. But it works sometimes, helps take a bit of pressure off.

Big hug

 

[littleoc]

To me you are the Líon @littleoc. Even Lions get tired.

You've lost everything all your fur and feather babies.

You've lost your home.

This is upsetting to Lions as well.

Remember our brains lie to us. That our PTSD overwhelm us.


I there with you. I was removed by the welfare when I was 15. I tried every thing and at 56, and after 46 years I have not recovered and I am still struggling.

The grief is totally normal. I feel sad at all your losses.

I tried being quiet and good. That's is back with the abuse.

Even when you do your best things go wrong. You've done amazingly despite being in such a tough place.

I did my best and it has been a disaster. You are not alone in this. I am with you step for step.

Thank you

 

[littleoc]

You're an amazing person who has had far more than their fair share to deal with.

I went through the same kind of fear a paralysis when I had to pack to go to a refuge, I know it's really hard to deal with.

Sometimes helps me get unstuck if I say I'm just going to do one thing. Sometimes once Ive done the one thing, I can carry on and do more. Sometimes I can't. But it works sometimes, helps take a bit of pressure off.

Big hug

Thank you

 

[littleoc]

 

[littleoc]

Trying to plan my last two weeks at the house. Have to wait to start that process after Dove (bird) leaves. and gecko.

Then will try to plan it so I'm off work the last week and then will move and go to the hospital.

This could mean several days without access to food. Water I can hopefully keep until the last second.

I may not be able to save any food

 

[littleoc]

Will need to turn off Internet, and in the process may lose phone access. Just fyi.

Dreading the lack of support I will get if/when this happens.

 

[littleoc]

Crying from the overwhelm. So many steps. Writing the steps out is helping but I keep getting confused and I know things are going to get even worse soon and it's making it so much harder. Person who is supposed to adopt my bird hasn't replied yet and I hope she does, worried she will change her mind or something

 

[littleoc]

Forgot to add. the crazy neighbor, the racist, sexist, transphobic, homophobic one next door has become extremely aggressive and waits for me to see him now. Was telling a friend that it'd be extremely funny if he chose now to murder me. But problem is he usually does much worse than death to people. So. Yeah. he's just mad the 600 year old oak tree is touching his roof, which is reasonable, and I've already told him I'm leaving soon and the next guy will handle it and the current landlord doesn't give a flying f*ck any more than he gave a f*ck about the deplorable conditions we had to live in for the past 20+ years

Dude does not care I'm sure, just wants his roof to not get damaged. The stress he causes himself is the karma I guess, I'm just trying to not make it worse and I also genuinely don't want the tree hurting his roof

 

[littleoc]

But anyway may not be able to update on that reliably in I lose access to Internet/phone so. Just try not to worry idk

 

[littleoc]

I just want the remaining animals out

 

[littleoc]

I never want animals ever again