Needing A Reality Check

[Zemi]

Needing one, just not sure how to

• really believe it
• get it through my thick head
• snap out of it
• move on

reading something yesterday in the new members information about feeling safe which really made me think. Not so much about feeling safe on forums but rather feeling safe in therapy. The only times I've felt some kind of feeling safe at least in my head has been when I've been talking to an online therapist. I really, really want to feel that safety. Long for it. Obsess about it. Spending way too much money on trying to have it and besides giving that feeling I'm not sure how much it's helping because instead of moving forwards I just seem to be relying more and more on them which I don't want. I've been talking to them every other day just to feel that safety and it's getting beyond ridiculous at so many levels. Ashamed writing this but also needing help to know how to break this pattern and get to where therapy is a good healthy thing only and not my only source of support. I hate this constant feeling of being alone, unsafe and this desperate pull to want someone there when the reality is there is nobody unless I pay them to be let me talk. Also not to pleased with myself that I know all this and still haven't broken the pattern - yet. It's a totally artificial feeling as it is; how do I snap out of it?
And also snap out of it in a way that I don't go back to the idea that I can't have any support or talk to anyone, so that it's a healthy snapping. Appreciate any thoughts, thanks

 

[Zemi]

Doing a little bit better with this although would still be thankful of any insight

 

[revelry]

Is it really safety that your looking for? OR is it support?
Also, This may not be something that you just "snap" out of. You may have to be patient with yourself and give yourself some time. You may be putting too much pressure on yourself.

 

[Cheshire]

I read your post when you originally posted it and wanted to write something helpful back, but my brain kind of snapped after reading:

• get it through my thick head
• snap out of it
• move on

Those kind of cliché things that people say drive me insane in the biggest way because they remind me so much of my ex telling me how weak I was for being depressed about my dad dying, or my miscarriage, or any number of other things.

I really don't know how to "snap you out" of the thoughts you're having.. and it's probably counter-productive of me to say "have you talked to your therapist about this?" because that's what you're trying to get away from. I will say that being on this forum, talking to people, connecting with people here - that's a start, right? Sure, it's not the "real", outside world, but you're not paying for it, either. Everyone on here genuinely does care, does sympathise, and does relate to the kind of things you're feeling. You are most definitely not alone. All I can suggest is take it in baby steps - keep coming here, talk to people here, reply to other people's posts and post your own threads, and those connections will build automatically. Please take care of yourself, and if you ever want to just chat, feel free to send me a PM.

(((Zemi))) Look after you.

 

[OKRADLAK]

Zemi, you do not have a thick head! You are a struggling soul and no matter how long it takes, that is how long it takes. Life does not stop for PTSD. Be gentle with yourself.

I also do not feel safe in therapy. Quite the opposite. Before I was dxed right, I had many very mean helpers who did not get it.

 

[intothelight]

Hi Zemi,

Is it really safety that your looking for? OR is it support?

Revelry ask a really good question. Also, don't be hard on yourself, as you definitely are feeling some type of need. Maybe reducing the frequency of on-line sessions may be an option?

Take care.
Debbie

 

[Zemi]

Thanks Revelry, Chesire, Okradlak and Debbie

Revelry I'm not really sure, or maybe I'm confusing any display of support as safety. Either way, I wish I didn't want it so much.

Cheshire, sorry about the cliches. I just wanted something to get through but it still isn't. I did talk to my therapist about this so it wasn't counter-productive asking, it didn't solve the problem though. Baby steps, keep winding up with needing to take those and trying to take leaps instead then wondering why I've fallen. (((Cheshire))) thanks again.

Okradlak, I'm really not good with being gentle with myself; sorry you had so many mean helpers :(

Debbie, thanks and yes that's what I've been trying to do so far.

 

[Ron]

Well you have lots of understanding prople on this forum for starters. Pease don't hesitate to approach me for a conversation.:D

 

[Srain]

It's hard to first reach out, especially if you have been isolating a lot, that could be where you have been. I know that's where I was. I had tried to get an online therapist but in all honesty I didn't trust that they would be who they said they were :speechless:. This on the heels of having met a few online people I got involved with - some really great (my husband of 10yrs!) some not so great (wah wah), besides I'm way too controlling not to look a tdoc in the eyes and make sure they aren't aware I'm on the job, if you know what I mean. Not a good thing but at least a motivator to get in there in person.

Anyway, there is wonderful support here and it's a great place to begin connecting to people so welcome :). I'm very glad you found this place. There is a lot of information here to browse around and ask question.

Rain

 

[Zemi]

Thanks Ron and Rain

Rain, I'm glad I found it also, very glad.