Spacin'

[AzureMind]

lol I've been goin' crazy lately....I had some paperwork I had to turn in (not necessarily today, but the sooner the better obviously :D ) I was SO SURE I had them, I remeber placing them on the endtable by the kitchen, then I picked them up, told the dog to stay in so he doesn't run out, and I proceeded out the door, no sooner do I get 4 blocks away from my house do I remember that,

"I don't have the paperwork in my hands!! f*ck!!" I had to laugh beause I was SOO pissed that I forgot...I mean that was a loooong time to not be aware that you don't have something in your hands.....guys can you relate to this? Everything I try to do to stay grounded (observing the people, scenery, everything from counting, to pinching, to texting on my phone....lol) is being rebuffed, and ignored....my mind still wants to just "go"....like I have the HARDEST time trying to stay grounded...It's not even funny anymore, so, can you guys help me find some ways to deal with this....?

I just need a shrink I think lol

 

[cherryblossom]

I do this type of thing all the time. I know everyone does to some extent. But I think PTSD can make our minds jump all over the place, and go off into our own little worlds. Kind of still functioning, but not properly thinking. I've driven off to go away, driven about 20 miles, then realised I didn't pick up my medication that I left out - not to forget, and I've had to go all the way back. I've been to birthday do's, and only when I've got there have I realised that I left the card/present on the side.

I write lots of things down, so I don't forget, and leave sticky notes in prominent places like inside the front door. I also make mental lists in my head when I'm getting ready, and keep repeating it in my head- even the simplest of things - like teeth, hair, phone, keys, bag. Just to remind me to brush my teeth or comb my hair. It sound silly, but otherwise, I would leave the house without doing normal things, that most people don't think twice about.

 

[AzureMind]

I've driven off to go away, driven about 20 miles, then realized I didn't pick up my medication that I left out - not to forget, and I've had to go all the way back. I've been to birthday do's, and only when I've got there have I realized that I left the card/present on the side.

Don't you love how it's always something important? ;) It couldn't be your chapstick, or your your gloves....it HAS to be something important, and relevant to your WHOLE trip, thus making you realize it was all for naught...lol

I can't do mental lists....I've tried, but my mind just throws them away....staying in the moment at this point for me, is virtually impossible....I'm usually dissociated, and depersonalized to such a point that as soon as I come down to normal consciousness, I go right back out to space - it's as if I've lost what it means to be fully conscious....that means any feelings I have are dissociated, along with ideas, beliefs, desires....all split off...

CB, I think I traumatically dissociated when i was MUCH younger......do you think it's possible that despite not developing any "alters" during the initial traumatic dissociation, that one can develop DID if one have the propensity to voluntarily dissociate, and severe trauma re-occurs at random intervals that is painful enough to make the person continue to dissociate aspects of their being they find intolerable?

 

[cherryblossom]

I don't think you can develop DID, if you voluntarily dissociate. My understanding is that DID involves amnesia surrounding the alters. The Wiki article explains it better than I can
[DLMURL]http://www.ptsdforum.org/c/wiki/dissociative-identity-disorder/[/DLMURL]

 

[mamachick]

There is a theory /books on Internal Family Systems-it is not DID. Recognizes that we all have many personalities within ourselves. Unlike the alters of did that do not know, we do know. Often the are competing for their desires. Ex: I want to loose 10 pounds but the other wants to eat a big piece of cake. Some of us are less or more integrated than others. These opposing beliefs/personalities can function well as a whole or struggle. When the cake eater wins, the part that wants to loose 10 pounds feels weak/helpless and may give in further. I read several years ago but have forgotten a lot.

 

[AngelaMarie]

Lists don't work for me because I end up losing the darn lists because I forget where I lay them. How in the world do I forget to put the list in the same place?:confused:

I will put things away like in a closet and I will mentally tell myself at the time: remember where you are putting this. I walk away and when I go to look for it I can't find it.

Sometimes I feel that I spend half of my life looking for things or walking in and out of rooms because I forget why I am there! Of course as soon as I leave the room and sit down I remember. At one point my memory was so good. I can't hardly remember when though!!:eek:

 

[AzureMind]

Lists don't work for me because I end up losing the darn lists because I forget where I lay them. How in the world do I forget to put the list in the same place?:confused:​

I will put things away like in a closet and I will mentally tell myself at the time: remember where you are putting this. I walk away and when I go to look for it I can't find it.​

Sometimes I feel that I spend half of my life looking for things or walking in and out of rooms because I forget why I am there! Of course as soon as I leave the room and sit down I remember. At one point my memory was so good. I can't hardly remember when though!!:eek:​

Oh yea, AM, that's ME!! All of it!! I swear, it's like whenever I go to write a list up, or something like that and I put it down, it falls into a blackhole, never to be found again!! lol At least until, the week is up, and I'm doing a load of laundry lol

 

[AzureMind]

Hmmmm brat....These are you sure these aren't just "ego states" of the same conscious personality? You can want a piece of cake and not eat it because you don't want to gain weight....that can all be apart of the same person....we all must wear different "hats" so to speak during the course of our day as well; I'm a Son, a Brother, a Worker, a Student, but these are all states/labels under the same conscious persona, ME. What if now these states became severely dissociated?

dissociations role (when chronic) serves as a mean to segregate or "dis-associate" with something that is traumatic, or uncomfortable to deal with consciously, and it will place "Psychogenic Amnesia" around the event...I should know because when I do dissociate, I can block out what was done to me completely as if it "never happened" I cannot recall the "deed done" to me, and when I try there's a "memory gap" surrounding the experience....that has helped me in times of SEVERE stress when I was a home all the time and my father was drunk.....I'd go away (like I was falling asleep) and I'd watch the situation as if it was happening to another person.....in fact, it WAS, and I'm convinced of it...because I cannot for the life of me recall the emotions or memories/images associated with that part of my life....It feels "separated" from me in a way you know what I mean?

 

[Gamereign555]

I had a terrible time all throughout school because I could not remember the assignments and could not grasp what the teacher was talking about, as soon as the class was over its as if it never happened. Its not that I lost the memory its more like my understanding was just not there.

 

[AzureMind]

I had a terrible time all throughout school because I could not remember the assignments and could not grasp what the teacher was talking about, as soon as the class was over its as if it never happened. Its not that I lost the memory its more like my understanding was just not there.​

gamereign, I COMPLETELY relate to that. School was basically impossible for me (not academically as the curriculum was easy enough for me to cope with in spite of my dissociative symptoms and stressful home life) because my "spacing" took away my ability to hold onto a thought (and thus process it) and make sense of it, and string thoughts together....I still DO have this problem, except now it's gotten WAY WORSE.

 

[Gamereign555]

I was able to take a math class later and score a 97% and 2nd in the class. I could tutor others in the class that were having a hard time. But it wasn't easy, I felt like I was eating,sleeping and breathing math just to do that well. I'm not sure how well I would have done if I had to take a few more classes at the same time.

 

[AzureMind]

I was able to take a math class later and score a 97% and 2nd in the class. I could tutor others in the class that were having a hard time. But it wasn't easy, I felt like I was eating,sleeping and breathing math just to do that well. I'm not sure how well I would have done if I had to take a few more classes at the same time.​

Yup, I hear ya GR!! I'm getting my Associates in Computer Systems/IT work, and to be honest, I don't know HOW my GPA didn't completely flat-line on me :roflmao: But, I did alright, considering, and I only flunked one class (and that was on account that I didn't turn in some last minute stuff because I got overwhelmed in other classes....:rolleyes: ) and I "withdrew in good standing" which brings me to the present, and a hopefully soon a Therapist? Sheesh, until then I guess "Potts Mcgee (my alter ego lol) is in town :sneaky: lol