What do you think about the phrase 'trauma doesn't define you"?

[KA60]

I could say this about this statement. I had trauma recovery therapy domestic violence treatment help understanding family systems theory . I had help with spiritual trauma recovery. These concepts help me grasp with reality. I will never see things or people the way I did before 2014..I got to the point where I forgave my first deceased husband. My parents. Not there. Other family members not there..My trauma is in my brain and nervous system. Since I experienced cardiopulmonary arrest I am grateful that I had the strength to get help from many good doctors and therapists . My first husband said about 6 months before his death I want to live to walk the green grass again. My marriage to this man pushing myself beyond my limits etc caused a severe illness. I am the one who lived to walk the green grass again..
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[anthony]

Lots of people say "trauma doesn't define you".

Probably because they haven't really suffered trauma, beyond stubbing their big toe and calling it such, trying to woke identify and empathise with real trauma sufferers.

 

[Freemartin]

This ^

 

[Rose White]

I think the goal of my therapy is to get to a point where I don’t feel like it defines me. Where stuff that used to send me reeling for months doesn’t even register. Where the things that happened were just things that happened and don’t register as traumatic. (Using the definition that trauma is the reaction not the event, because it’s still abuse.)

In the kind of therapy I’m doing I learned this is called sublimation. I think. She explained it once but I forgot.

 

[Freddyt]

Trauma definitely defined me when I was really unwell.

Agree. Anyone who says it doesn't has not suffered real trauma.

My T was talking about that a while ago like I was afraid to let go of trauma. I said it's all I have known the last 50 years and to walk away going la, la , la, i had therapy I'm cured would be disastrous.

There seem to be aspects you can rise above but for the kind of trauma that makes psychiatrists and psychologists all ask me "How are you still alive?" You can't leave it alone or you won't be alive.....

 

[pamcoco]

I have trouble with these types of antidotes. For the same reason I also hate the term “survivor” in place of “victim”. The negative associations with people that are harmed is what needs to be addressed. "Victim” is so negative it’s as insulting as profanity.

There’s an overall societal belief that we choose our reality. So having a criminal attack is really the person that is being attacked's fault. Our language is geared toward this belief. There is no term to state being the victim of a crime where the language is centered firmly on the perp, not the victim. So we come up with terms for the victims themselves, rather than redefining language that's solely based on the criminal’s actions.

It seems to me that trauma does define you, until it doesn't. Healing comes easier to some people, is definitely much more accessible to some people and some people have stable relationships, while others just don’t. Relationship support is instrumental is healing.

Now 60, dealing with the trauma itself, chronic illness and the devastation to my life as a result, hasn’t allowed me a lot of time to develop skills needed to find supportive relationships. To be healthy seeking and establishing good relationships, my life and I need stabilization. The more unstable my life has become, mostly through intentional attack by others, the more vulnerable I am for yet more attack.

The belief about my “trauma” accepted by those I once considered close, has been belittling and denial of the events themselves. For me, it's several unrelated sexual assaults (another victim centered term where there is no equivalent that’s perp centered).

They have determined I exaggerated, lack emotional rational to effectively analyze people/events or that I outright lied. I have been called a drug addict, a hypochondriac, off my nut and of course a “victim”.

Free the harmed from blame.

 

[Mach123]

My thoughts are oh yes, it does and I no longer have any doubts about this. It was hard though to arrive at that certainty. I’m perfectly willing to tell anyone about it I’m sure there are people for whom this is not the case and would be ok after having my experiences. I’m happy for them I wish I could function better.

 

[FMCA]

Yes it’s defined me physically, emotionally and socially and the constant searching for things to try to fix the damage it has done is always going to define me. How I lived my life in response to all the trauma throughout my life was like a domino effect. Including my past career. How I live my life now trying to rebuild it defines me.

 

[ms spock]

My trauma defines me in every way.

How I sleep,.

How I eat or don't eat.

How I connect or don't connect to other people. I have disorganised attachment.

How I don't have family.

How I struggle with being in my body.

How I am fragmented into parts.

How I have so few choices in my life.

How I get taken advantage of and fail to protect myself.

How I don't have enough money to get my own home.

There's a lot of reasons that folks say this complete bullshit. One of those reasons is how they benefit from the systems and institutions that caused the trauma/s that you suffered. It is always easier to blame the victim, rather than being present with how you benefit from other people's trauma. It is a cop out.

My father beat my mother when she was pregnant with me. I am working on building a nervous system and building capacity.

My father was in the armed services so many Australians benefited from his service in wars. But he wasn't provided with support and services when he returned.

To me this is toxic positivity overload with denial over how societal institutions and systemic issues cause Intergenerational Trauma and present day traumas.

I consider this thesis and the people who promote it quite dangerous to folks who are trying to recovering from their trauma.

Pretending that the trauma is not as defining as it is, to my mind, is dangerous to anyone who is has and is struggling or working on their trauma. That lack of honesty is also dangerous for future generations as it means they get left with an overwhelming level of Intergenerational Trauma.

 

[ms spock]

Further information on this...

My father stalked me on and off until 2013. (That the last time I was aware that he stalked me. He stalked me at other times and it was only when a sibling confirmed that he did at that time and that place twenty years later. I was told at those times I was paranoid). He moved 10-12 blocks away from me and it was terrifying. So even when you are removed by the welfare and get away from your child rapists. It does not me that you are safe.