Flat Out Angry (all The Time)

[Paranoid10]

I have learned from past experience that it is good to be on good terms with your neighbors. I am fortunate to be able to say that my neighbors on both sides of me are actually some pretty cool people.

You never know when the inevitable___________(fill in the blank), may happen. I live in a rural town in Indiana and both my neighbors and myself watch out for one another. They know our routine, I know their routine and if either one of us sees anything outside of that routine, a phone call is usually made. Don't get me wrong, we are not nosey about each other. It's just that we live in such a small town, (300 people), that it's difficult not to notice something out of place. We also have considerable space between us, so it definitely pays to be on good terms with neighbors.

Additionally, sometimes you do have to apologize. (I mean the term "you" regarding everyone here.) Sometimes an apology will get you farther than being at odds. I hate to sound like yoda again, but we all, in one way or another, choose our battles.

For what it's worth, I want to say that you have a lot of courage. It's not always that easy to face a potential enemy and say, "i'm sorry."

 

[just me here]

can't blame you for getting angry at neighbors. My property borders just 4 other properties, over 25 years I have had I beleive 15 different neighbors, and only 1 I would even answer the door for.

Best policy with people that are obviously willing to invade your space to complain about something that is not illegal or outside of what can reasonably be expected is to set the boundary and establish the limits. The fact that she chose to confront you using durogatory terms in front of your kids pretty much gave you all the permission you need to retaliate as you see fit. People like that are just plain poison, better hope she isn't passive aggressive too.

Do you think adjusting your schedule for her would keep her in check? Maybe sell the car? No way. The only thing you can do is let her know she has pushed into forbidden territory and that you will push back, but only if she does it again. That usually works, sometimes a few repetitions are needed and the police are always there to protect you from her or anyone else overstepping their bounds.

Imagine being me in the same situation- 6' and 280 and being confronted by someone for doing things well within my rights and so full of anger all the time I have to constantly fight off the urge to start teaching people about consequences for their actions. The temptation would have been to growl loudly and advance 90% of the distance to her face as fast and scarily as I could, just to see if I could make her pee her pants. But no, that wouldn't be nice.

just tell her she is off base and you will do what is necessary to put a stop to future confrontations, bub bye!

 

[Megan]

I think a few reasons why i am angry are:
a.) I'm in a lawsuit and i hate having what I say/said used against me. because i didn't mean it that way. (Although I know its what they use in the court for everyone. it's just me).
b.) When i'm not angry I get realllly sad about my parents not being there for me 20-30 years in the future. I know it's not reasonable because they could die in an accident tomorrow god-forbid. It's like I know everyone dies.. but when i am not angry i can actually picture it in my head. It's either that or my past of happiness comes into vision and i get sad with that too. It's a vicious circle. :(.
c.) I'm going to therapy and i am afraid whatever i say will hurt the case even though i have the truth on my side i'm afraid i'll wreck it. But the lawsuit is the only thing i can do to get back at them for doing what the school did. (It's a case about bullying and the school protecting their full scholarship athlete by arresting the bullying victim -aka me. :( ).

 

[simplekindofgirl]

I just need to ask- because I know that I am angry, and that I am working through (my) anger issues.

My supporter- He makes me angry. His support makes me angry. He is not able to understand, and I am unable to explain myself to him. I try, I do. I have told him this: it is not that I am sad, though I am sad, it is something more than that. It is a breakdown, a fundamental breakdown somewhere in my head that makes it impossible for me to be happy. (I reassure him, since he makes the same claim over and over again) You do make me happy, you really do, the problem is inside of me. It is this Elephant in the room- he sits in the corner quietly awaiting, he sits there until he decides that it is time to come out and make as much noise, cause as much chaos, stir up as much dust, dirt and debris as he can before he leaves me with a path of destruction to clean up as he tucks himself into the corner again and waits for the next time.

My supporter hears this and he says, "So,make it stop. Tell it to just go away."

I want to scream, I want to scream so loud that his ears bleed since they are obviously of no use when it comes to my words. But I don't. I sit, and I explain it again. In different words this time. It is not you, it is me... this time I just tell him that "I have had my heart broken so many times that I look sad because I just dont have enough of the pieces put back together in order to smile yet, but I will. I will, because I want to. I just can't yet because I don't know how to find the pieces that have been taken from me against my will."

And for the next hour I get to hear him talk about how difficult I am making it for him because he sees that he is not making me happy, and if he is not making me happy then what is the point to anything.

So I put on the mask, the smile appears, and the anger grows as I have to pretend to be happy. The world is a stage, and I am merely my own puppet, working the crowd for all that I am worth, and hating every moment of it.

How can I ever feel better if my supporter is not even willing to try to understand but instead reverts to the guilt trip? How do I explain it in a way that he can understand, and to do so before I am so angry that I say the things that should never be said, even in the heat of the moment? Because truth be told, I would be lost without him, but I am just as lost with him.

I am angry that I have to hide how I feel. How do I support my supporter when I can not even begin to support myself?

 

[Megan]

i feel the same way. It's like how can you explain it so that the other understands. My mom is like your supporter. I tell her i can only think of death and stuff like that. she just says "then stop then." I wish I could. My old therapist said "You're just growing older." WTF? If thinking about death 24/7 means your getting old, then i guess there's no point living. She also just said "Fake it til you make it."

for me talking is not the answer because how does the therapist know exactly how you feel, and you can't explain how you feel because a.) you never felt like this before the chaos b.) you don't know if anybody else feels the same way, and c.) you get so frustrated that you just want to yell and scream.

I quite understand what you are saying, but unfortunately we're in the same boat. I don't know why i feel this way. or how to get out of the vicious cycle. :(.

 

[just me here]

My supporter hears this and he says, "So,make it stop. Tell it to just go away."

And for the next hour I get to hear him talk about how difficult I am making it for him because he sees that he is not making me happy, and if he is not making me happy then what is the point to anything.
How can I ever feel better if my supporter is not even willing to try to understand but instead reverts to the guilt trip?

I am angry that I have to hide how I feel. How do I support my supporter when I can not even begin to support myself?

I might be able to help some here, but I know little about you other than we share the same type of feelings and problems associated with them, and I know little of your supporter other than assumptions based on things you quote him as saying and assumptions based on also being a male in a relationship.

This is a reach I am making, a risk I am taking, please understand if I am way off base that my intentions are to first do no harm and hopefully help in some way. I apologize if I am off the mark.

I don't see how what he is saying to you is laying guilt on you. Like me, his biggest goal in a relationship with a woman is to please her, you ladies are so beautiful anyway, but if I can make you smile or get a happy glow about you, I feel like I have made a contribution to a thing that I hold in high regard already. He just wants you to be happy and wants to know how or at least let you know he is trying. Thats the way I relate to his saying that if he can't make you happy, what is the point of trying?

I have given up trying to explain how I feel to anyone that doesn't get it, it's like some people can't spell but can build a home or fix a car, others can't do math but are wonderful parents or able to speak in public or play an instrument well. Some people just can't grasp the idea that other people don't think the way they do, and trying to get them to undrstand is near impossible. They may be loyal, devoted and good people in every way.

I just have to accept that much like I can't explain how my mind works when I am designing mechanical solutions for manufacturing process problems to people that don't have the ability to understand mechanical design, I can't explain my thought processes and problems either because I can't explain it, or they can't get past thinking everyone thinks the same way they do.

anyway, I get it. Sometimes I just plain can't see a day in the future that I will be happy, that the anger won't feel so natural and a part of my being that I wonder if fighting it is like trying to bite my own teeth. The best way I get it across to someone capable of understanding is to describe it as "bonecrushing", like being run over in slow motion and feeling the pain, but thats not the worst part, hearing the snapping bones, but thats not the worst part, seeing the blood, but thats not the worst part, the worst part is the feeling that parts of your body are going to be different for the rest of your life. Physical therapy, surgery, all of it, nothing will ever truly repair the broken limbs to the way they have always been. Life is different and it isn't going to be the same again. PTSD is like bonecrushing.

 

[Emilie]

Maybe it corny but at the very least I'll impart something a friend once told to me, if you have nothing and you've hit rock bottom, you have nowhere to go but up.

The past three days I've been off my medicine because I'm pregnant, and every day the past three days I've exploded on my husband and my inlaws- but you know what, It's not like I exploded for no good reason. I exploded because I'm right and I'm sick of the bullcrap that I suppress with the help of some pills. My point in telling you this is that, even if you are in the right, anger is like picking up a hot coal and throwing it. You definitively burn yourself more than the person on the receiving end. Being assertive about your problems and taking a reasonable approach makes greater strides in ultimate solution. That's just not easy to do when your blood starts pumping. When that happens sometimes showering or going for a walk before attacking the problem is usually the best thing to do. Damn, why do I never take my own advice?

 

[simplekindofgirl]

Emilie- lol. Amazing how we can make sense of the idea, but can not implement its procedure.

This weekend I was angry, but what else is new. But I made a conscious decision prior to the weekend. While I can not control what happens to me, I can control what I do. I became angry- and the person that I was angry with honestly deserved a punch in the face (not my by assessment- but by others who witnessed what was done)- but instead I told myself "stay calm", be angry because that is your right, but make a choice to do something better than to act out of that anger. I replied to this person who had deeply offended me and the people within my group simply "I am truly offended by what you said just now, and if you do not mind I would like to go and find different company for my personality type." And wouldn't you know it, I felt good. It was me, having a say, taking a stand, getting my point across but without having to cause a lot of discomfort for anyone. It pointed out that I had a problem and that I was choosing to remove myself from it. And I didn't have to be angry with myself, which seems to always feed that anger further.

My supporter however, was displeased. While the other people around agreed with me simply because the comment she made was outrageous, my supporter did not seem to think that she had done anything wrong. And then, I was back to angry. I think I just need to find a supporter for my supporter.

It really is a difficult dance- and it seems I am having difficulties in knowing/learning the steps.