Life Flashes Before Eyes...- Can't Stop

[Megan]

Anyway, these days I just feel weird. It's like my life is flashing before my eyes and I totally live in the past. Of course I know this is a form of dissociation. But how can i make it stop? I really dislike seeing my past flash before my eyes 24/7. It's worse around the holidays.

 

[Srain]

This, for me, is the ultimate in flashbacks. I feel for you because it's like a Slot Machine watching all those numbers and cherries and whatnots tumbling around and around - only it's pictures from my life and I can actually feel my eyes rolling in my head. Sometimes it stops with all the 7s or Cherries lining up and POOF! got us a vivid view..then it's major, horrific, gut-wrenching meltdown, complete with emotional floods :cry:...then someone pulls the handle and we are off once again! OMG, sometimes I just want to scream :(

Something like that??

I am finding that these are happening a little less with grounding techniques and therapy but when they hit it's to my safe room and now I'm incorporating Aroma Therapy, anything to help me.

I'm sorry you are going through this. It's difficult but I can say that it does slow down and ease up.

(((hugs)))
Peace,
Rain

 

[Megan]

Yes...and no. no slot machines. It's like watching my life on a projector screen. :(. but i don't recognize myself. It's also worse when i run into all school mates from elementary because they have been living lifes to the fullest - have kids and jobs etc. It just makes me realize my life is crap. I can't stand on my own two feet for more then a minute or so. It just sucks.

 

[Kb3]

Sometimes it stops with all the 7s or Cherries lining up and POOF! got us a vivid view..then it's major, horrific, gut-wrenching meltdown, complete with emotional floods :cry:...then someone pulls the handle and we are off once again! OMG, sometimes I just want to scream Rain

(((((Rain))))). You do such a brilliant job describing how this horrible disorder sometimes just drags us along for the ride. It is enough to make you want to scream sometimes.

I'm sorry that you're going through this Megan and I just wanted to say that the quickest way for me to feel terrible is by comparing my life to other people who don't have PTSD. It's hard not to, but it is just not an apples to apples comparison anymore.

The invisible quality of PTSD or really any mental illness is a double edged sword - sometimes it's helpful that my disability isn't immediately noticeable, and other times it makes my life harder because I can feel so misunderstood and alone with it.

I think that if I didn't have this forum, along with a good therapist, and my faith in God, that it would be impossible to feel good about the way that my life turned out. As it is, I am now able to see the positives and experience gratitude for the good stuff with greater regularity.

I hope that you are able to gain some peace with your PTSD and I wish you the best. (((((hugs))))if you accept them.

 

[Sazza]

Megan no advice just to say i hear ya, i relate to what you say and i to find it worse around this time of year. Think alot of us will find holidays make it worse stressful times etc. I know what you mean when see people you know etc it makes me feel even worse as my life is nothing i have missed out on alot.

I feel like im dissociating most the time lately this does not feel like mey life anymore, im a distant person playing the part in it only it is me and it does suck.

Hugs to all of you.

 

[Megan]

I just feel alone. I just feel like my life is already over because it was hard making friends for me in school and i have tried getting out there on my own but I know i don't act like a 25 year old. I feel like 25 going on 7. :(. I have been pretty much a loner since elementary school w/ just my parents and after the incident in college it just made realize how many bad people there are in the world. It just seems for me that i was in a 24 year old comma and just woke up not knowing anything or anybody... and instead of waking up and feeling great. all i see is darkness. :(.

i just feel empty. :( i had dreams. But people squashed them to pieces.
even if i won the lottery tomorrow, i wouldn't be one of those people jumping up and down. I'll be like okay wuteveer. I feel dead. :(. No emotions nothing. I'm not even in any christmas mood. :(. i was always a bad talker. I would harp on things that were awkward..think i said something stupid or just think i wasn't smart enough. I don't feel smart because i was never really good with books but i was always creative. But now my imagination is gone. it seems like i've become mute and is hard to talk. I don't enjoy anything. and movies just don't seem the same to me. Its like tom cruise just pretending to be something/someone else or whatever. i just feel alone and think about all the opportunities i missed because of other people.

In college i was scared because of the incident that caused PTSD and didn't trust anybody. So that was hard. I have no friends. Just penpals that i don't really feel the same w/. I just don't know. I don't see a future for myself... All i want for christmas is my old life back.

 

[Srain]

(((((((((((Megan))))))))))))))
I'm so sorry. I realize this is a very very difficult time for you. Have you read the section on Depersonalization, under Dissociation. It's almost as if you are experiencing your flashbacks in a dissociative state. It might help to understand where you are with this. I have had a strong tendency to depersonalize until I started really working with my tdoc and that sense of not recognizing yourself, sounds similar. Has your therapist suggested this?

I could be off and I apologize if I am.
peace,
Rain

 

[Megan]

I just started with a new therapist. I see her on thursday.
but i'm kind of scared to say anything cause whatever she writes will be in court and i just dont know how others will perceive it.

 

[Srain]

I might look up the symptoms of PTSD read them through to get an idea of these fit, not to self-diagnose but to just get an idea whether or not they sound familiar. It can't hurt to look. If they sound somewhat the same, print them out and ask her about it. No harm in having all the information that is at your disposal, I would think. It's just an idea.

Anyway, I wish well on Thursday.
Peace and healing,
Rain