Christmas: Emotional Numbing

[ms spock]

It is not easy.

It is really not easy.

Emotional abuse is so insidious.

Mostly it can only be identified by people outside the abusive
and dysfunctional system.

ms spock

 

[purple butterfly]

It seems a common trait that interpersonal relationships are difficult, that we are left out of social situations through no fault of our own especially in families where abuse has occurred.

I am on 5 weeks holiday and don't feel like seeing anyone except my children, it seems too hard to relate to people, don't want to be a bore talking about what is happening with me, all to much of an effort.

 

[mamachick]

pb I understand that so well. I have been this way for 3 years now. I just spent the afternoon with my oldest daughter and grandaughter, and have returned to my bed where I spend most of my time. I live in a 3000 sq ft house and this is the only place that has felt safe to me in 3 years in the winter months. I have finally concluded that I am never going to feel safe unless I make myself go out every day, to the gym, take a class, take a walk, make at least one phone call to a friend each day, etc.

I just realized that being cold must be a trigger, as I was drug out in the middle of the night freezing. I have not thought of it as that because at the first chill, I high tail it to my bed and under down comforter to avoid the uncomfortable feeling.

md-I have been making a list of things that I need to do to overcome (gym, volunteer, a phone call, etc) and just the thought causes anxiety. I ask myself, what date do I have to begin and feel such dread. Yet I know that if I dont take these steps, life with not get better. Then I argue with myself and say, well, is it really so bad, I like it here just fine-and I really do. Yet if someone I loved was living as I do, I would tell them that it is not healthy.

Ms Spock, it is incredibly hard to change, and I think it will only get harder the longer we dont make that change. Urgg I wish I had the ansers

 

[ms spock]

I also wish I had the answers brat17.

I just realized that being cold must be a trigger,

That is extremely insightful to work that out! Are you writing this all down in a book so when you are in ptsd stuff you have some way of reminding yourself?

we are left out of social situations through no fault of our own especially in families where abuse has occurred.

That is a really a tough one for me to deal with. Well said purple butterfly!

I have finally concluded that I am never going to feel safe unless I make myself go out every day, to the gym, take a class, take a walk, make at least one phone call to a friend each day, etc.

md-I have been making a list of things that I need to do to overcome (gym, volunteer, a phone call, etc) and just the thought causes anxiety. I ask myself, what date do I have to begin and feel such dread.

That is methodical, well thought and terribly brave. I hope you have a thread in the Accomplishments & Success forum listing your plans and where you then comment and celebrate your plans, your baby steps and your successes, so we can all share your successes and baby steps and so when you forget your baby steps and successes, (which we do a lot when we are in the ptsd) you can remind yourself of your successes and notice which baby steps you have done and which ones you need to practice.

ms spock

 

[mamachick]

That is extremely insightful to work that out! Are you writing this all down in a book so when you are in ptsd stuff you have some way of reminding yourself?

I havent but I should, as I have a brain injury and some days I think I have Altzheimers, the only good is that I forget that I have anything wrong with me....lol

 

[ms spock]

And you have a great sense of humour as well!

 

[mamachick]

Thank you, but humor is my best friend, may be my only friend.....
Really, I think humor has saved me a thousand times over, and there have been times when it has been hard to find, but although humor is a defense mechanism, it is the healthiest, so if we can find one little thing funny about a situation, it is soooo helpful, Im sorry to ramble, Im think Im giddiesh because I have survived one more year, hal i lu yah,

 

[mamachick]

This has been a very good topic and I thank you for starting it. I think many of us , the holiday just doesnt meet our expectation of what it should be. It has been very peaceful though. I have found many things that I am thankful for in regards to the toxic people eliminated from my holiday social list.

 

[ms spock]

I am thankful for in regards to the toxic people eliminated from my holiday social list.

Great stuff eh?

It certainly makes a difference!

Your humour is just grand and, like you, it has saved me thousands of times over and over.

 

[mamachick]

Like I have a social list....hehehe

 

[purple butterfly]

I can't agree more humor is a lifesaver. :laugh:

 

[purple butterfly]

I have people that I can ring and catch up with but it seems such an effort putting on a mask. I did that last night for a couple of hours but it is so tiring.

I feels though I have nothing to say to people. What do you stay when they ask how you are??
I am tired of trying to explain