Sufferer Vet Ptsd . . . Never Ended . . .

[SufferingBastard]

It took me years to figure it out that there was no help. We came home. We were well, not! There was no such thing as PTSD. We simply came back from "Neverwas" and were supposed to be normal. We walked funny. We talked funny. We saw things in a different light. We never knew when it would happen. To wake up in the night, to spend the hours of sleeplessness alone and isolated, we found that no matter what we did, we were instantly wrong and berated.

As life went on and times were strange and nothing made sense anymore, we found oursleves seeking the way to find a place of feeling sated. There was no satisfaction in any success, for in our hearts we new that we didn't do our best, when those around us died a death in a thousand lonely places. We walked away and hated that we were given graces.

So life never stops. It takes me on and on and into each day. I wake and know that forever I will be alone.


<edited for basic grammar and removing of all capitals>

 

[SeekingSerenity]

You're not alone anymore. Welcome to the forum.

 

[Ted Moen]

So life it never stops . . . it takes me on and on . . . into each day I wake and know that forever I will be alone.

That's the feeling, and if we act on that and the other feelings that bubble up out of the calderon of old feelings stuffed while we did what we had to do to survive we will end up surviving alone because that is what we had to learn to do.

If we want more than surviving alone, our challenge is to learn to manage our current behavior in a way that gets our current needs met while the intense feelings rage in the background. If we don't want to just survive alone, which is safe but depressing, we have to participate in appropriate activities and relationships in our current situation, even thought doing so will trigger all kinds of intense old feelings.

Our choice, although it took me years of therapy before I actually felt I had that choice.

Ted

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum. :)

You aren't alone now!

 

[Muzikluvr]

Yes. We are each of us alone on our journey. We stumble into one another sometimes, reach out and lift someone else up, reach up and get a helping hand for ourselves. But, the path we walk is our own, and it isn't parallel to anyone else's path. We walk alongside someone who has a similar path, but we see theirs is different in ways, and they see ours is different from theirs. It can feel really isolating in times when the people you're familiar with continue on the path you thought you were on... but you've hit a pothole, or road block or detour.

You have to be open to the people you come across on the detour, have to embrace them as friends too. You walk your own path, but you fill it with people along the way. You are not alone, but you are unique. If you're lucky, those people who continue on will notice you've detoured and offer you a hand, or wait for you on the other end with a warm, accepting embrace.

 

[SufferingBastard]

Sadly I am ostracised. My family no longer sees me as a human. It is as if they died. I suffer the loss of 20, 30, 40 people, as dead to me as the friends I left behind. The louder I yell "I am here" the farther from me they move. Life sometimes imitates hell and hell imitates life.



< edited for basic grammar by Deaf Global Nomad >

 

[Zipperhead]

The Combat PTSD site is down for maintenance ight now, but when it's back up why not come in and take a look around. Combat PTSD is run by the same group as this site, but the members are all vets. Helps to find info related to services available and such.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Welcome to the forum!

 

[Barberian]

Combat PTSD forum - For combat vets only, that Zipperhead mentioned

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