Being Unsociable

[TLight]

I think a lot of time alone is a pre-requiste for dealing with PtSd. Just wish other people wouldn't take it personally or I have to explain myself.

People were the doers of my trauma, people are triggering...........stay away from people. Unfortunately, for my work now I have to deal with them ALL DAY LONG...........I wearing down completely.

 

[Philippa]

Thankfully, with my job, the people I give massages to mostly fall asleep and I don't have to deal with them...though you do get the occasional annoying person who won't stop talking the whole way through...and whilst that can make the hour go quicker, it can also make it drag on much long if they are talking about shit that isn't interesting to me.

 

[mamachick]

I socialize for a few days and then get so exhausted that I just need to isolate and re-coup. I just want to ignore others messages even though I love them. I kind of drop in and out. If I wait too long, I really dread the re-connection.

 

[thedude]

Its often hard to communicate difficult subjects in a few words so I often take breaks from communicating with humans (dogs only:tdown: ) or stop going out in public. When my depression spikes I have trouble concentrating and socializing in public places is information overload. My family knows the deal but when people ask where or how I've been I smile say "pretty rough but thanks for asking" and limit my responses to the courtesy of the day like good afternoon. A smile works when my brain can't manage much else.

 

[LittleHugger]

Most people are TRIGGERS to my PTSD, and sadly, even though I wish I could be around them because I do get lonely, I am better when I am not around them very much.

 

[TLight]

Ditto with me Little Hugger. People are mine too.

 

[just me here]

I wasted maybe ten years of therapy trying to figure out what was wrong with me socially, why this person did that , how I caused them to do that etc. etc.

Honestly, I do not miss what I remember it was like to be socially involved. I miss what I wish it had been like but wasn't.

I am never surprised to hear that one of my kids friends turns out to be a real jerk or that someone that came on my property to do a job or to pick up their kid or whatever reason turns out to be a sex offender or worse someday later on. It doesn't surprise me when I hear about it later, not because I suspected them, because I have come to trust no one.

We are wired to be part of a tribe, to keep from getting voted off the island. All that social longing and disappointment and blaming myself for the way people behaved towards me was a total waste of time and I can only say I wish I could yank out all those ideas put in my head by years of evolution and a lifetime of expectations to be sociable by the roots and be done with it 100%. I manage to get by hiding the fact that inside I still want to have friends, I wish I really could just walk away from people and never look back.

Hope brings disappointment, familiarity breeds contempt.

 

[just me here]

Its often hard to communicate difficult subjects in a few words so I often take breaks from communicating with humans (dogs only:tdown: ) or stop going out in public. When my depression spikes I have trouble concentrating and socializing in public places is information overload. My family knows the deal but when people ask where or how I've been I smile say "pretty rough but thanks for asking" and limit my responses to the courtesy of the day like good afternoon. A smile works when my brain can't manage much else.

Right on dude (sorry, had to). I get it. Even though my triggers have nothing to do with violence at the hands of a stranger or even having to witness it, I cannot be in public without being able to see who is coming and who is going, always sit facing the door and near a back exit, stuff like that. I don't worry about being robbed or a victim of violence, I just want to be able to drop ten bucks on the table and be gone before the person that doesn't know that I hate them or why walks over and gets chatty. I dream of the day I can respond by telling them how rude they were to my kid or how that drunk driving ticket put them in my category for "most selfish bipeds functioning without the burden of a thought process", but I can't.

My football coach told me that no one ever gets called for the first punch unless they hit the guy with the ball, but the guy that throws the second punch, even if it is 50 yards from the ball, gets nailed for it every time, especially after the whistle blows. I spend my entire life in society remembering that I cannot throw that second punch, ever. Well, maybe someday. But right now I live like the whistle has blown and I am waiting for another play, maybe in the fourth quarter.

carrying all that anger, avoiding all those deserving punch recipients, wondering which moron I will be avoiding next, and on top of it all having to cover with a smile and when asked how things are going a quick "still walking upright with opposable thumbs" or "Ok, but it's early yet", yeah i get it. I understand information overload and "dogs only". You said it pretty well.

 

[OMNICELL]

It all depends How I define unsocial behavior; On one hand, its a delight; I don't need anyone, or need or want to get near anyone. I stay in my corner of the world and dream. On the other hand, the ruthless cold of loneliness descends; breaking me. Apart, atom by atom I become dull and lifeless, unable to participate, unable to practice . I look for relief, I find nothing.

 

[AzureMind]

I feel just like that. It's like part of your mind is preoccupied with trying to avert, or deal with the potential emotional/psychological catastrophe you call home, while they get to just be in the conversation wondering why you're so "out of it"....must be nice to be the one doing the wondering, rather than contingency planning about what you've gotta come home to.