Shutting Down?

[AzureMind]

Yes. Or perhaps dissociation?

Frequently I can't decide what to do, at times. I'm literally left standing.
It seems, for whatever reason, as you said an inability to process data/ think clearly (for myself).

Junebug, This happens to me all the time; so much so, asking me to recall, or remember something (even a movie scene) can be almost impossible. Do you think this inability to process/data, or think clearly comes from sensory/limbic overload? Alot of us, I'm sure, having been traumatized early on in life, have never really developed a balanced homeostasis for our nervous systems. In short, we never learned to 'come back down' from a traumatized state, which is a state of hyper-arousal, and sensory overload; a constant state of 'fight or flight' is what we seemed to be engaged in. We are usually NEVER in a state of peace no matter HOW relaxed we may SEEM. Even the most mundane of tasks can seem almost impossible to accomplish, because we can never truly remain in the moment to do so.

So; if trauma created this complex array of physiological and psychological problems, HOW do we reverse it?

 

[Rainbow_Habitué]

That is the story of my everyday life. My defence is, if it is a question of only mild importance, simply not trying to process the question and simply saying 'whatever's good'. If forced to answer I often get either 'beaten down' feeling, or I get angry, then when the other person reacts badly (out of confusion no doubt) I shut off and wander away if I can. Bright colours can help me partially turn on again, at least enough to act like I'm not checking out on whoever I'm with.

 

[dbacs]

So; if trauma created this complex array of physiological and psychological problems, HOW do we reverse it?

Well i'm glad to say that I told my primary care doctor about the dissociation, blanking and difficulty concentrating caused by PTSD, when I saw him a few days ago. He prescribed Adderall and it has made a pretty big difference so far.

I hope it keeps improving. Maybe the drug will jump start something and allow me to balance it all out after a while. Or maybe it won't and i'll have to take it forever. I wouldn't care much if i did.

 

[AzureMind]

Well i'm glad to say that I told my primary care doctor about the dissociation, blanking and difficulty concentrating caused by PTSD, when I saw him a few days ago. He prescribed Adderall and it has made a pretty big difference so far.

Adderall...like the ADD/ADHD medication? I've heard about it. I was skeptical at first to take it, because I've heard that there are some serious drawbacks to using it for some people. Not sure about myself since I haven't taken it, but I guess it's worth looking into. All I know is I can't keep doing this THIS WAY. It's taking everything I got just to stay grounded, and I'm killing myself to stay grounded. I've been smoking heavier than ever and exercising like crazy. It's like no matter how much sensory exposure I get, it's not enough. The anxiety I have mixed with the depression is driving me up a wall. I definitely need to stabilize and fly straight.

 

[NotMyWorld]

I do this alot too, but mostly I find myself saying "I don't care". When asked where should we eat lunch. My husband and I work together (Poor guy) so he gets to deal with me more than anyone else. Lately I find myself just mumbling "I'm not hungry" Sometimes I'm just too nauseated or just don't feel like going out into the world and actaully making a decision. I have enough in my head that these little decisions are things I just don't want to add to my list of decisions to make. Really. I don't care where we eat. I don't even care if I eat at all. Just tell me what you want me to do so I can get through this day. That's most days.

 

[AzureMind]

OMG, I hate when I'm pestered about what I eat. I don't give a rat's A**! It's food, nourishment, that's all. I got 1 BILLION things on my mind, (mostly getting away from the people I live with) to care about that little stuff. I also focus on keeping an emotional 'lid' on myself so as not to explode, and get myself a charge for half-killing someone...and they ask/get mad about the dumbest stuff. You know what, I'd like to see them walk one WEEK in my shoes with my symptoms. I'd love that. THEN see what it's like when you don't even have the energy to get out of bed barely, and live.

 

[AzureMind]

I agree NotMyWorld; same here...somedays you've got TOO much on your mind to care if you eat, or don't eat. Somedays I'm too depressed, pissed, or appathetic to eat; only time I DO care to eat is when I smoke pot, and I haven't done that in quite a while. I just gotta get my affairs in order, and I'm PRAYING I can do that soon. I'm better when I'm by myself, can't speak for everyone else, but I know when I've only got myself to look out for, and it's away from the people that I want to take a SHOTGUN to, and splatter their brains against the living room wall, I'm ok! :) As crazy as it all sounds, there's just been too much crap that happened in my life, and contrary to popular belief, time DOESN'T heal ALL wounds; it does make some hurt WORSE though.

I live with people who aren't even appreciative of what I'm going through, SLAMMING damned doors ALL damned day long, screaming, and arguing with each other over things they should've settled YEARS ago, and a self-absorbed little bastard brother who won't lift a finger to do anything, and somehow my parents circle back to ME and somehow I can shamble MY CORPSE outta bed to look for a job, but the one who has the wonderful social life can't?

I'm telling you guys, sometimes family ain't worth the :poop:y title it's given....

 

[NotMyWorld]

Omg, I hate when I'm pestered about what I eat...

I'm so right there with you. My husband tries really hard and often makes me breakfast in bed. I think that this is sweet and have thanked him so many times and tried to explain to him I can't eat for the first couple hours in the morning and that forcing me to eat or hurt his feelings makes the gesture turn into a big nasty fight about what an ungrateful wife I am and how I'm the only woman in the world who would complain about her husband making her breakfast in bed. I know where he is comming from, but why isn't he listening? Trying to eat when I first wake up is impossible when all I feel is nausea. I wish he would walk in my shoes for a week. Then I can tell him it's all in his head.

I wish it were easier for you, I can't scream or yell at my children, So I fight with my husband. My children are not the enemies here. I could use a little support from the husband but I suppose I'm the one slamming the bedroom door and hiding out on the patio outside my bedroom to get away from everyone.

 

[dbacs]

Adderall...like the ADD/ADHD medication? I've heard about it...I was skeptical at first to take it, becuase I've heard that there are some serious drawbacks to using it for some people; not sure about myself since I haven't taken it, but...I guess it's worth looking into, all I know is, I can't keep doing this THIS WAY; it's taking everything I got, just to stay grounded, and I'm killing myself to stay grounded, I've been smoking heavier, than ever, and excercsising like crazy.

Yeah Adderall the ADHD medicine.

Since being on Adderal for the past few days I've had a very good "sense of well being" that i haven't had in a long time. I really feel like i'm closer to being my old self. Hoping things keep improving.

I have tried all the serotonin and nor ephinephrine reuptake inhibitors, but none of them helped, and seemed to make things worse. They actually all gave me hives too.

I then tried a supplement called Phenylethylamine for a couple weeks with some good results. PEA is what is released when you feel love. Awww. :inlove: I read that PEA is low in PTSD, ADD, Depression, Autism and more.

PEA only lasts an hour though. I couldn't afford to buy enough to help throughout the day, so i started looking at other ways to increase PEA. I read that its very difficult to increase it without prescription medicine. I started researching and found that Adderall can do the same. I also read reviews from this and other PTSD sites that others have had good success with Adderall.

I visited my doctor with a list of my symptoms about the inattention, difficulty focusing, inability to finish things, blanking, depression, avoidance caused by what my T said was PTSD and told him about how the PEA helped me temporarily. He then prescribed the Adderall.

You should ask your doctor too. It will be much healthier than having to smoke more.

 

[Rainbow_Habitué]

Lack of PEA. Could that explain why a dog could help me get out of 'shut down'? I was at my doctor's office (she's a specialist in diet, with training in psychology and has her own clinic with her husband, a psychiatrist) and she had accidentally hit a massive 'nerve' in our conversation. I had gone completely passive, barely able to respond to her questions (she was trying to make me properly responsive again). This lasted quite a while, until she called her dog in (since they do psychology, they bring their dog, who is trained to detect and lean on people who are hiding deep depression or suicidal ideation, something about their scent) and right away I felt like the haze was thinner and as I pet the dog my mind cleared up.

 

[Tinyflame]

What a sweet dog. :) More sense than humans.

 

[Rainbow_Habitué]

Yup, thats why they always have her at their clinic. Too bad she's getting old. :(