Shutting Down?

[Tinyflame]

Sometimes I can't recall what was said (even when I am trying to remember or encode it). Whether it's dissociation or exhaustion or distraction, Idk. But, I notice what I feel at the time or after. If it is positive (ie I feel safe, or hopeful, or calm, etc), I try to remember that. I mean, recall 'how' it felt- I can recall ('re-feel') the feeling.

 

[NotMyWorld]

So unforgivable! My husband and I got into a fight and told me to get over my past. He was so angry he threw everything I told him into my face, he said so what if your were raped, get over it, Did you get f**** in the azz? That was a long time ago so stop dredging it up and get over it, it's just an excuse for you to be sick all the time. I nearly lost it.

I locked myself in my room and he did apologize but it really hurt. How can I talk to him when he refuses to even look up PTSD to understand why I get sick. He's begged forgivness and never says things that harsh but he totally lost it and although things are better not that we were able to get everything out of our system but I still have a wound where that jerk stabbed me where he know it would hurt the most. Pretty sad right now.

That was so verbally abussive and unexpectded. He was upset because I had left to CA for a while to help with my grandmothers funeral. That is why it's been a while since I've been on here.

 

[JustBe]

I'm so sorry! What horrible things for him to say! (((NMW)))

 

[NotMyWorld]

Yeah, needless to say, I didn't eat the dinner I was cooking when the argument came up.

I know he had his 5 day old son die in his arms, I know his brother OD's on pain killers but I would NEVER throw that in his face to hurt him. I know this will pass but I honestly thought about leaving him. It was so vicious.

Now I just think he lost control and wanted to get my attention. I just wish he understood that if I could turn it off I would! It's not like I sit here dwelling on details I'd rather not remember, but internally, in my body and mind, the battle is still ongoing.

If I'm not stressing out loud I'm battling weight loss, nausea, IBSback and neck pain, heart palpatatons that feel like an anxiety attack and the urge to scream at everyone to just STHU. I'm so tired.

He refuses to read up on PTSD. I don't know why. He says that I was fine a year ago. Yeah well a year ago It was dormant. It's not a constant and they are called triggers. He won't listen or allow me to explain. He says it's all excuses, for what??? How do you fake weeks of vomitting and diarrhea? Migrains? Shaking and burting into tears? Waking up 4-5 night a week dresnched in sweat and screaming and crying? YES, it's in my head and I can't get it out!

 

[kittiekittie]

I honestly would not survive without my dog. I don't go anywhere without her.She is my lifeline and my anchor.

This is how I feel about my cat, except she stays at home. The part that really gets me, is that she is extremely protective of me like a dog would be. I can't play fight with boyfriends, she hisses at them and circles them like a predator. She doesn't understand that we are having fun and thinks they are hurting me. She makes sure they know she is watching lol

 

[Violet03]

I find myself shutting down all the time. It happens the most when I am asked questions. For some reason I feel like my brain just goes into overload and shuts down. I also can't make decisions. It's all too much.

It is so frustrating for me but also for the people who deal with me. I feel like I am constantly getting lectured or yelled at for how I function, or don't function. I usually end up trying to disappear (leave the situation) so I can avoid panic.

I adopted a little dog a few weeks ago. She definitely helps me. I can hold her for comfort or talk to her if I want to. She seems to ground me and make everything seem ok again.

 

[JustBe]

There's nothing so wonderful as a warm puppy! Enjoy!:D