Pre-work morning anxiety - shutting down at the beginning of the day

  • Post starter Post starter AnxiousA
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AnxiousA

So for most of my life I have had pretty good work ethic: I've had to work many jobs at a time, drive long distances, sleep very few hours, I've worked really difficult salaried positions with crazy hours and no days off, etc.

Currently I have one of the easiest jobs I have ever had as I am going back to school; it's a simple job, it doesn't pay as much but enough, it has decent benefits...but lately I've been having this anxiety when I first wake up to get ready for the day.

I know it's irrational and once I get up and go in to work it goes away and I'm totally fine, but recently it's reached a point that I have missed entire days due to this morning anxiety. I keep telling myself I just need a mental/ personal day to regroup and then I'll be fine, but it keeps happening - and on the days I don't go in, I don't really feel any better because it really is just anxiety and I end up trying to waste the time away or sleeping most of the day....This morning I felt really good when I woke up and connected to my emotions and even then, I didn't go in because I was like, " I need this day". I know this obviously comes down to will power but this is definitely not normal for me, and the feeling is so strong.

I am just wondering if anyone else has experienced this/ knows why it happens/ has found any helpful solutions. I keep saying this job is easy but I'm going to lose it - which again, I have never done before - if I keep missing days.
 
I don’t have any problem working jobs that matter (to me), but BS money-jobs I end up working during more important things? (School, kids, recovering from illness/injury, etc.) I end up with MASSIVE problems, anxiety nearing the top of the list.

It’s happened enough times to me I know to expect it & can largely ignore it/work around it, but it’s still incredibly vexing/exhausting/frustrating.

The closest parallel I can make is the hypervig that happens in normal life as my brain can’t find anything actually dangerous to flag, so it starts flagging everything, creating an electric kaleidoscope nightmare carnival out of grocery shopping. Because it ISNT important? My system overloads. As it keeps trying to assign importance, but isn’t finding anything.
 
I don’t have any problem working jobs that matter (to me), but BS money-jobs I end up working during more important things? (School, kids, recovering from illness/injury, etc.) I end up with MASSIVE problems, anxiety nearing the top of the list.

It’s happened enough times to me I know to expect it & can largely ignore it/work around it, but it’s still incredibly vexing/exhausting/frustrating.

The closest parallel I can make is the hypervig that happens in normal life as my brain can’t find anything actually dangerous to flag, so it starts flagging everything, creating an electric kaleidoscope nightmare carnival out of grocery shopping. Because it ISNT important? My system overloads. As it keeps trying to assign importance, but isn’t finding anything.
Wow, yeah the need for assigning importance and stress and etc...I didn't really think about it that way but that's exactly what I'm feeling. That is very interesting.
 
What @Friday said. Also, boredom causes anxiety. For me, it’s always a fine line between working jobs that keep me alert and engaged and being stressed … but like Friday, I struggle with money jobs more than high powered and stressful jobs. Hard to care when all the job is is a trade of time for money.
 
one of my own psychoticks is an all or nothing approach to life. i am either giving my all and draining myself to a nub or i am dissociating from life, altogether. balance does not come naturally to my adult self. this has been as true for me in retirement as it was in my paid career.
I know it's irrational and once I get up and go in to work it goes away and I'm totally fine
this was my breakthrough tool. i still use the tool to keep myself from lulling into the senior porch stupor. once i nudge myself into action, i am fine.

nudge, nudge.
be gentle with yourself and patient with the process.
 
Thank you! I definitely get the all or nothing attitude as well and get pretty hypercritical about it too.
 
If you haven’t read these 2 things, yet? They’ll help.

The first with …so many things.

The second with recognizing and working around patterns.

If you only have the headspace to read one? Read the first.


 
I went back to school after being in the working world and went all the way through law school. Don’t underestimate the stresses of doing the back to school thing. When I did it I had no money so just finding some income was a challenge, things like being a deckhand on tug boats is what got me through. I also worked harder than anyone else seemed to at my studies. For those years I lived on a small sailboat that I could not fully stand up in. I had no car so my only transportation was a bicycle. Looking back I think the whole thing was about proving to myself that I could do it and all the implications that come with that. Without knowing it my life has been about setting challenges to prove my worth to myself. Maybe your current work lacks the challenges you require.
 
I don’t have any problem working jobs that matter (to me), but BS money-jobs I end up working during more important things? (School, kids, recovering from illness/injury, etc.) I end up with MASSIVE problems, anxiety nearing the top of the list.

It’s happened enough times to me I know to expect it & can largely ignore it/work around it, but it’s still incredibly vexing/exhausting/frustrating.

The closest parallel I can make is the hypervig that happens in normal life as my brain can’t find anything actually dangerous to flag, so it starts flagging everything, creating an electric kaleidoscope nightmare carnival out of grocery shopping. Because it ISNT important? My system overloads. As it keeps trying to assign importance, but isn’t finding anything.
I recognize this phenomenon too. It's like my mind is actively scanning for any signs if danger abd if not found, I get anxious. Then if I see some minor-ish trouble (like some jerk has scratched my car) I get calmer as now I something to focus on. I wonder if this this symptom of hypervigilance? I think pat of doomscrolling habit has been to cater this hypervigilance in order to pacify it?

For me quitting morning news, being watchful of caffeine intake and focusing for activities I can do rn helps.
 

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