Becoming A "Compliant Victim"

[Nicolette]

More importantly, you got something from him, something you liked and thought you needed. Thats why you kept going back.

Disagree.......

 

[p-no]

Only numbers 5 and 9 apply to my men. Seriously. I wonder what that makes me... Not even expecting a compliment or being treated well (if only only at the beginning)? Oh well, hopefully I am past this. I think so, at least I have stayed abuse-free for two years now.

 

[The Albatross]

.... Mr wonderful, charming and friendly to everyone else. The life of the party, that was until he was alone with us. His wife and children. Then he was a tyrant, a monster and we were all petrified of him his violence, physical, sexual and abusive towards the children.

That was my father though we were not sexually abused we got all the rest as children and my mother dealt with all including sexual abuse. Tell me my first husband didn't select me, huh? I got a double whammy.

 

[The Albatross]

Loner's comment about continuing to come back, fit me for about two years after my separation... I was so beat down I had no confidence or sense of self worth. But he'd woo me back in and it never took long for the abuse to start and I'd leave again. I became so afraid of not being able to leave or that he'd kill me, that was when I left for good. It about ripped my guts out... but gradually it was better not to be abused anymore. Messed up, I know.

 

[Loveneverfails]

It took me five tries to leave my ex. Five. I never returned because he had something I liked or needed. I returned because I was just too afraid that I'd fail. He and my guardian had convinced me so thoroughly that I'd never be able to make it on my own, that I believed them 100%. I believed I was incapable of anything other than being a horrible man's punching bag. I truly believed that. It was the hardest thing I ever did when I left my ex for good. I lost my mind and I have never felt so timid and breakable as I did then. But two years later here I am, determined, 'difficult'(in his terms) and 'disagreeable'. But more importantly, the closest to happy I have ever been in the 28 years of my life.

 

[Red Feather]

I didn't read all of it. The first part reminded me way to much of me and my history. Pfew...! Not stable enough for that now... Will come back to that article when I become a succesful feminist activist !!

 

[Loveneverfails]

Will come back to that article when I become a succesful feminist activist !!

:hug: lol oh Nadia, you're already quite the strong willed woman anyway!

 

[Meadowsweet]

I left my abusive ex by giving myself sexually to another man and letting him mould me into what he wanted.

He wasn't violent, he just belittled me. He liked to remind me that he'd 'dragged me out the gutter' and that he knew best.

When I left him, I found someone who in some ways reminded me of my abusive ex. It was only a very brief encounter, but he intimidated me into sex, and when I tried to avoid him, he tried to kill me. So I didn't go back to my ex, but I went back to the abuse.

My mind is still brain washed into everything being because I'm bad, it's something I'm working on. But it is potent stuff.

Good article.

 

[Nicolette]

it's something I'm working on. But it is potent stuff.

Good article.

Keep up the work Meadowsweet - it is potent stuff but you can rise above all that bad programming to a better place to have a relationship worthy of you... not you thinking you are worthy of the man.

I found I dated my step father quite a few times - keeping going back to the familiar abusive despite consciously not wanting to. :eek:

 

[anthony]

Somehow I missed this one

The other two that go with this:

1. [DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/the-criminal-sexual-sadist-includes-information-on-compliant-victims.13805/[/DLMURL]
2. [DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/the-disturbed-mind-compliant-victims-of-the-sexual-sadist.13811/[/DLMURL]

They're a set pretty much...

 

[Loner]

Disagree.......

Could you elaborate on this? Why in the world would you put up with behavior that was harmful to you unless you got something, some need met or wish fulfillment. I'm not saying it was good, but they prey on women's desire for approval, love, validation, etc right?

I'd be very curious to hear what could make someone put up with this if they werent getting something out of it as well.

 

[The Albatross]

Thanks Anthony will bookmark to read when I'm "fresh"... evenings are my hardest concentration times.