Complex Ptsd

[Mary Black]

It was really helpful to learn of the sociological concept termed "over-determination". I really do feel that in so many ways my life has been very difficult, beyond what many people in my society experience. I've been raped multiple times, been in near-death situations of various sorts, was adopted and raised in a cult-like family. I feel like there's so much to address that I don't know where to begin. When I tried seeing a counselor at my very sheltered private university, the counselor seemed shocked and harrowed by my life story and I felt guilty by the end of the first session, seeing how it effected her. We weren't even done with the entire story at that point. And I couldn't handle going back. I've run into many people who don't even believe me because it's too much for them to handle or it doesn't seem like the reality they know.

I'm phobic about men, have insomnia and anxiety to a serious extent, have a hard time trusting anyone... and I'm reaching a point where I feel it's necessary to find help if I'm going to be a competent adult, active in the world. Sure, I'm strong and I'm a survivor but I don't know how much more I can handle on my own. Irritating matters, I always seem to attract people who use me for my sympathy but don't give much back.

When I read someone's account on this website, of near-death at the hands of Ted Bundy, I felt like I might have found the right place. But I'm new here and I don't know how to approach the forum yet. Hopefully this first post is suitable.

 

[saffy]

Welcome to the forum Mary Black.

There are lots of different posts about various things you have mentioned and I think you will find our opinions valid and helpful. This is a great support forum. There are posts on attracting the wrong type of people for example.

You have recognised that you need help so that is the first step. However, I think the counsellor was not trained in the right area to be able to help you. Showing any sort of personal feelings/attitudes is not normal practise because it is understood that it can cause guilt or closedown. And you are feeling guilty.

However, she has to deal with her own feelings about this herself, you had no premonition of how she would react and so could not have avoided it, so for that reason you should not feel guilty.

She put herself in the position of counsellor and should have been more prepared and better trained to deal with things like this. That is not your fault either, she should have said she was not qualified enough to carry on and recommend another counsellor.

I hope you find this forum supportive.

best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[JustBe]

Welcome :)

 

[Red Feather]

Welcome to the forum. I have similar experiences. I was also spiritually abused and grew up in a family that was in a sect. I am just coming to say that it is a sect. When people talk to me about my problems, it is hard for me. Their face gets more and more concerned. People just cant fathom what it means. It's hard because I always think I am burdening them with my problems. You have found a great place for you to get support. Many hugs. :hug:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Hi and welcome to the forum. I have a hard time with people like the therapist who failed you. I agree with Saffy that she should have been more prepared to be there for you in that setting.

I think a good therapist that is a good match for you one you feel comfortable with that you can learn to trust would be good for you.

I am sorry you have people who are using you for what they can get out of it. I wish it was better for you. One step at a time will take you to where you want to go.

I also agree with Saffy that it was not your fault. You did nothing wrong at all.

 

[Mary Black]

Welcome to the forum Mary Black.

Thank you for the kind greeting. You are right about the counselor's training. She was a PhD student who was just finishing her program with a counseling internship Also the counselors at my school aren't used to dealing with cases like mine. I did resent her slightly though because I felt like it was easier for her to shrug me off in the end since the case was daunting for her. When I forgot my appointment (I think because I didn't want to be there) the next week, she then told me that she wouldn't be available anymore since the undergraduates really needed support at that time of year. That's how my school is--the undergrads come first always--and that was really convenient for her.

 

[Mary Black]

Welcome :)

thank you

 

[Mary Black]

Welcome to the forum.

I would love to talk to someone else who has gone through the sect experience. Everyone I know who went through it with me is closed off to talking about it so I haven't been able to process it with someone who understands. My siblings are more than half in denial about the whole thing as it's easier to idealize parents no matter how much they neglect or control you. Nice meeting you on here!

 

[Mary Black]

I think a good therapist that is a good match for you one you feel comfortable with that you can learn to trust would be good for you.

Yes, a good therapist is important right now. I'm about to start short-term counseling but have started to consider long-term medical counseling that my insurance would cover since I'm coming to terms with how much I've been through in my life.

Thank you for being so supportive.

 

[Abstract]

Hi Mary,

Welcome here.

I went into therapy thinking that all therapists are qualified and able to deal with all things but many years later realised at last that isnt the case at all. I have a few close acquaintances who have been training to be t's and it is an eye opener. My own sister is registered to be able to counsel as a psychologist and she probably knows a quarter of what I do as a layperson. That doesnt means these people dont have a use but it does mean they are not qualified or able to deal with more complex issues or trauma.

I think you might find it helpful to see someone who specialises in issues like yours and that would make all the difference. I also think personal reactions differ a lot. Some people are distressed if the T does not look affected and others are distressed if the t does look affected. But I think the later is probably much more common in those with serious, long term abuse issues.

This T sounds like she was not qualified for what you needed at all and I think that is probably usual for university T's.

 

[Mary Black]

Honestly, I have never trusted psychology and would have preferred to never see a counselor as I think it's counter-intuitive to trust a stranger. So the last thing I believed was that they could help me or be competent enough. Still, just as a human interacting with another I found it hurtful when she cut me off after having such a strong response to me. I felt abandoned. Aince I'm an adoptee abandonment is a sore point for me.

Thank you for your input. I agree that there's not always a set way to interact--that there has to be a fit between counselor and patient.

 

[Abstract]

I totally understand not trusting and am with you on that. And I understand the damage and hurt that would result. Totally understandable. Really there should be some information always given to people when they start T for the first and giving them info on what would suit their needs.

I hope you find a good trauma T that can help you as you deserve that. There are also support sites specifically aimed at the type of trauma you have experienced.